Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Masterclass, making an authentic New York bagel

At what point did you realize you were being put on?

Surely, the very beginning. 

New York water really is very good. However 10% is filtered. The rest is purified by an ultraviolet disinfectant process. 


He's kidding. Those don't make the water taste better and they don't assist gluten molecules. The entire video is ridiculous. Standing around waiting. Walking outside but doing nothing. More being bored waiting. Finally, the holes punched in the dough. The dowel used to hold them is dissimilar to the bat that he described earlier that could be used for defense. The bagels falling apart on the baking tray. 

And he pulled off this bullshit so deadpan that he is hilarious. 

Incidentally, New York is the only place that I've ever seen a bug in an ice cube. 

This was at a friend's apartment in Kips Bay. I cranked the ice tray and there was a bug inside one. At first I thought I was being put on because this was an elegant apartment. Two towers that faced each other with small park between them. People had binoculars at their windows and watched each other all the time. 

Well, hmmm. 

And the whole place is full of rats. 

As you walk down the street and you look down a dark alley at night you'll see dozens of pairs of red dots. 

Those are the eyes of rats looking at you.

With plenty of other of pairs of eyes not looking at you.

This was the same night we called other friends, gathered there at the apartment, had cocktails, then went out to dinner and the psychologist who I had just met analyzed me the whole time because of a streaks of gray hair at age twenty-two. It was incongruent with a youthful face. I was incongruent. So that compelled the psychiatrist to discomfort me for over an hour. I suppose I should be grateful because his sessions are more expensive than our meals all together. And I should be thankful for having access to New York water. But I'm not. Because Denver water is the best I've ever tasted and I've never found a bug in an ice cube.

Denver water is amazing. It comes from snowmelt. The continental divide is right over there. I can see it from where I sit. I have a ten-step filter at the kitchen sink that I use to fill the aquarium and water the plants. The neon tetras are extremely sensitive and I don't have an outside hose. The neons need soft water to breed. But honestly, I cannot tell the difference between tap water and filtered water. And after five years when I changed the filter I could still not tell the difference between the water through the old filter and the new filter and straight from the tap.

It is very refreshing clean pure water and it makes excellent bread, pizza, and pretzels. 

I don't know why Denver doesn't brag about their water like New Yorkers do. Maybe New Yorkers come from odd places with weird water. 

In other places I'd turn on the tap and the water came out brown.

I spent a night in Independence Oklahoma, a small town with a tiny airport. We were flying a Cessna 172 from New Orleans and had headwinds and fuel was low and a storm in the way so we decided to stay overnight. We went out to get something to eat. All the people we encountered along the way were lovely and the entire town shared a singular trait. Their teeth all had a strange gray discoloration. Gray spots. The loveliest faces altered with gray tinted teeth.

I asked Myre, wtf?

He told me it's most likely chlorinated water. 

And that made sense to me.

We stood out. Because our teeth had no spots. Maybe we should have rubbed some gray on our teeth so that we would blend in. 

I bet you ten dollars if I told this story to Myre he won't remember it. 

Let's see how people make bagels and hear what they think is important.

Old fashion NYC way.

In France the sourdough starter is called levain. It's also called chef. It's also called starter. Poolish and biga are similar. Biga is a bit dryer. Italian bread is made with a portion started earlier with a smaller portion of yeast. When blended with fresh dough and for some reason fresh yeast the result is a country loaf. 

Now, who else is going to tell you these things?

A more modern traditional NYC style bagel.

In Montreal they boil their bagels in honey-water instead of malted water so they darken and sweeten similarly. 

1 comment:

ricpic said...

It's all about the vassar!