Thursday, April 30, 2020

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend



Toot’s Shors Saloon, June 19, 1962 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know. I know you saw her last week but I hope you can keep it calm and not upset the rest of my customers.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.
(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a halibut)
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid. Why wouldn’t he. You’re his girl.
Marilyn: I’m his girl? Shut up you dumb sheeny. Joe has a bunch of girls. So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I hear you have been banging Durocher’s ex. I divorced Artie you know. I know I told you that already. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah we heard about that keed. That’s a shame.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. Arthur used to make me go to literary parties where he sat around with all writers and playwrights. Most of them were fags but still some of them wanted to fuck me Joe. Everybody wants to fuck me. Or at least get a blow job. Artie used to make me pour drinks and let these jerks rub up on me. Even that fag Tennessee Williams tried to put his puny pecker in my mouth. It was horrible Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
T
oots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear about this shit. Your life is your life but he don't wanna hear this stuff. Everybody knows what you do. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? They all fucked me. Ever since you left me I banged all of them. Even the faggots. Tennessee Williams. Eddie Albee. Faulkner. That Hemingway prick that couldn’t get it up. Artie even let Albert Einstein lick my snatch. They all used me Joe. Because you let me go. Why did you do that Joe? Why?
Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: (started to get angry as she began to queef and sounded like a mallard getting gang banged) You believe me Joe, don’t you? You know you were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow in my miserable fucking life. I fucked them all.   WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Tennessee Williams banged my wife. Call Frankie Carbo and tell him I want to talk to the Gallo boys.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. These are fancy people Joe. They got pull. You just can’t whack them out.
 Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

Kung Flu: Pandemics of the United States


Many people have heard of the Spanish Flu pandemic are not aware of the horrible pandemic that predated it by just a few months. It was know in popular parlance as the Kraut Krud but was more properly termed the German Mustard Gas syndrome.

Before World War One Germanic culture dominated many parts of the United States as the majority of the populace were of Germanic origin. Although the influence of the Scot Irish was celebrated in story and song in fact the stolid culture of Germany dominated many parts of the emerging world power. One of the most interesting parts of this influence was of course the cuisine.

Sausages, ham, cabbage and sauerkraut dominated the tables of many families of Germanic origin until a terrible cabbage mutation that happened in Iowa in 1914. Processed in the food processing plant popularized by Upton Sinclair in his seminal novel "The Jungle"a huge vat of cabbage was contaminated when an illegal alien Chinese worker fell into the vat and was processed only with the rest of the kraut. This horribly tainted sauerkraut was bottle and shipped throughout the nation.

The effect of this tainted kraut was to immobilize the bowels and led to a noxious cloud of flatulence that was in fact toxic. So toxic that several young children succumbed to the fumes and died. So several governors mandated that all children below the age of twelve wear gas masks or be arrested. Many complied but just as many refused this abrogation of their constitutional right to smell what they wanted.

They were after all free Americans.

(Kung Flu: Pandemics of the United States by Doris Kearns Goodwin)

Why they hate us


The elitists are taking the opportunity to destroy popular culture by not letting this bogus coronavirus hoax go to waste.

You see they don't want you to go to fast food restaurants. They know better than you. They know how big your drink should be. They know you shouldn't take your family out to eat when you are poor. So they can use this bogus crisis to drive these fast food franchises out of business.

The elite get their money from Big Companies. Companies listed on the Stock Exchange. Disney. Amazon. GE. CVS. Netficks. Who is making money hand over fist because of this bullshit quarantine? Not the Mom and Pop store. Not the guy who works 24/7 at his little bodega or small diner where a working man can get an honest breakfast.

The elite hate McDonalds. Because it is a quintessential American company. It's what a lot of those filthy foreigners think of when they think of America. Look at this Menu from 1975. I remember when I used to work an accounting job in Flushing Queens. I would go in on a Saturday and work on the files and doing bank recs when I was in High School. At lunchtime I would go to the McDonalds on Roosevelt Avenue and get six cheesseburgers, two fries, an apple pie and a milkshake. All for a couple of dollars. I had a cast iron stomach then so I could wolf them down while I was reading the box scores in the Sporting News.

If it was up the the elites in government and the media I would be arrested for doing that.

You know in the 1970's we thought how shitty it was to live then. If we only knew.

Cuck Governor closes California beaches



The Ultimate Cuck Governor Gavin Newsom has ordered all the beaches in California to close. He lost his mind when he saw people congregating in the sun. The sun which sterilizes and kills the corona virus. The sea where surfers always leave six feet between themselves. The beach were people who have been forcibly kept inside can get out in the air and live like Americans.

Newport Beach in Orange County is rebelling as people crowded on the beach. This is driving Newsom crazy as he sees it as Republicans defying him so instead of all the beaches it is only the one in Orange County. The Supervisor and the Police Chief both say it is a bad idea. Lets see if they are good Germans and will arrest the people exercising their constitutional rights.

I hope hundreds of thousands defy this ban and go to the beach. They can't arrest everybody. I hope they do it on their own as an outpouring of pure individualistic American. We have to wait and see.

Newsom really hates Republicans and Trump because Donald Jr. is fucking the shit out of Newsom's ex-wife. He couldn't keep her and it burns his ass so he is going to take it out on Orange County.

Look at what he couldn't satisfy:


Wednesday, April 29, 2020

The Babe abides


"Hey Babe hows the Hot Dog?"
"Ummm uggle umm."
"Looks good. Hey how many have you had? Twenty? Jeeez Babe ya gotta be kidding me. You are gonna get sick."
"Egggree umm slurp slurp."
"I know you can handle it. Still you might take it easy. You don't want to end up with a heart condition where you can't eat any dogs anymore. That would suck."

One of the worst ideas in the history of the world



Major League baseball is talking about realigning its teams into three divisions because of the bullshit corona virus. They say it will cut down travel and the season will start in July. Doing away with the American and National leagues the three divisions will look like this:

EAST
  • New York Yankees and Mets, Boston Red Sox, Washington Nationals, Baltimore Orioles, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Pirates, Toronto Blue Jays, Tampa Bay Rays, Miami Marlins
WEST
  • Los Angeles Dodgers and Angels, San Francisco Giants, Oakland Athletics, San Diego Padres, Arizona Diamondbacks, Colorado Rockies, Texas Rangers, Houston Astros, Seattle Mariners
CENTRAL
  • Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox, Milwaukee Brewers, St. Louis Cardinals, Kansas City Royals, Cincinnati Reds, Cleveland Indians, Minnesota Twins, Atlanta Braves, Detroit Tigers
Why do we need to do this? Why do we need to do away with the history and tradition of the game?
What will this do the statistics? Why WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!

This is the worst idea in the history of the world. If they are going to restart just do it the way we have always done it. They are talking about nobody in the stands so what does it matter?

The Babe is rolling over in his grave.

President Trump has designed the new Space Corps uniforms


I can't wait to see the cheerleaders for their football team at the Space Force Academy.

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Kung Flu: Pandemics of the United States

The first epidemic that caused a widespread panic in the United States was the Japanese Crab Flu brought to America by Commodore Matthew Perry after he opened up Japan in 1853.  Brought to American by the sailors who were part of the expedition to open Japan to American trade this pandemic caused giant crabs to grow on the genitals of the infected parties. It was transmitted sexually and caused a panic as the infected would stumble through the streets with giant crabs protruding from the front of their pants.

Except for the Secretary of State James Buchanan who inexplicably caught a case that was protruding from his anus.

(Kung Flu: Pandemics of the United States by Doris Kearns Goodwin)

Will the food supply chain break?

Things are happening in our America that have not happened since the Great Depression. All because of illegal and unconstitutional interference by the government. Soon enough there could be a famine as the food chain will break because of interference in commerce by over bearing government.. 

The chairmen of Tyson Foods John H Tyson said:

“In addition to meat shortages, this is a serious food waste issue,” Tyson claimed. “Farmers across the nation simply will not have anywhere to sell their livestock to be processed, when they could have fed the nation. Millions of animals – chickens, pigs and cattle – will be depopulated because of the closure of our processing facilities. The food supply chain is breaking.”

Basically what he is saying is that the closing of meat packing and processing plants has led to a surplus of product that is not being processed to be sent to the supermarkets throughout the nation. The food is there but it is being wasted. We already have seen millions of gallons of milk and millions of eggs being destroyed because they can not be brought to market. 

This is because of government dictates that have closed plants or forced truckers to not transport product.

People will get hungry. Very hungry. What little reaches the shelves will be hoarded much like toilet paper. I know I stocked up with a lot of pasta in the thought that just such a thing will be happening.

President Trump needs to step in and somehow stop this calamity. The Justice Department has to step in and fight against the onerous shut down orders of tinpot dictators like the governors in Michigan, New York and Arizona. This can not stand or we will be facing a disaster of immense proportions.


Sunday, April 26, 2020

WKRLEM: It's it a shame when talent gets wasted for no good reason







Except that they want to get high.

Hop Sing sick Mr. Hossaroni

"Me very sick Mr. Hossaroni."
"Whats wrong Hop Sing?"
"Oh I eat bat soup. Very bad for Hop Sing even though it make my noodle very hard. Now I have Kung flu."
"Is it catching Hop Sing?"
"Yes it very catching. You need to shut down Ponderosa. Close all business in Virginia City. All of Neveda. Other wise some people get sick."
"Some people. How many Hop Sing?"
"I don't know Mr. Hossaroni. Why take chance?"
"Why you want us to close down the state on the chance that some people might get the flu?"
"Yes Mr. Hossaroni."
"You are one dumb chink if you think we are going to do that. Just sit there and try to get better. I will bring you some soup."
"Just not bat soup."
"Okay Hop Sing. I get special Won Ton Soup for you."

Two of my favorite things...John Prine and Hawaii.





Lay your coconut on my Tiki.

President Trump based the close down on Models presented to him by Dr Fauci


They made some good points.

But we still should not have closed down.

That was just cold.

So to speak.

What if literary masterpieces were written by different authors

What if Valley of the Dolls were written by Mary Shelley.



It was on a dreary night of November that I beheld the accomplishment of my toils. With an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, I collected the instruments of life around me, that I might infuse a spark of being into the lifeless thing that lay at my feet. It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes, and my candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open; it breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.

It sat upright and gathered its legs beneath its twisted torso. The creature which I had created from the parts of many corpses trembled into existence. The heavy breasts of the murdered tavern wench heaved as the long blond hair of the decapitated footman lay matted on its head. The dead soulless eyes of the widow Guttfriend raised up and gazed upon me. 

It lived.

And it wanted dick.

Thursday, April 23, 2020

Screw that Corona bullshit.....What The World Needs Now -

Marilyn's Diary


After Uncle Herman left us I was adrift. I couldn't stay with my Aunt Lily because she had her own troubles. She was doing a lot of drugs with her weird friends Charley and Squeaky and Tex. It was a crazy scene. I had quit college and needed to get a job. Once again Aunt Lily came through.

She reached out to one of her succubus friends. They had a network you know. They passed knowledge of where to go to suck the essence out of innocents. Most of the time they went to Republican party gatherings. The Democrats always gave them gas.

Anywho one of her friends actually worked in Hollywood. She needed a new personal assistant. I interviewed and she hired me on the spot. I think it was because of my new bra. I was in charge of getting her scripts and making coffee and maintained her schedule. There was only one problem.

She was very handsy. You see she wanted sex all of the time. Her husband Alllan was gay and she couldn't get off. So she was always touching me and rubbing me and asking me what was the Password. Like if I knew it she would stop tweaking my nipples. So I had to quit.

If anyone was going to have nonstop sex with me while pulling on my nipples it would be my Uncle Herman.

I loved my Uncle Herman.

Brit Hume gets it.



From the great blog Ace of Spades HQ:

Brit Hume: "It's Time to Consider the Possibility That the Coronvirus Lockdown Was a Collossal Public Policy Calamity"

—Ace

He distinguishes the "draconian lock down" from more sensible social distancing rules, frequent hand-washing, etc.
When asked about why so many people are so adamant the country remain locked down nigh-forever, Brit Hume says that if you "drill down" into who those people are, you'll find they are almost all inveterate haters of Donald Trump. He sort of says, "Do the math in your own head."
I'm sure it's all just a coincidence that the most Trump Deranged people are also the most fervidly pro-economic depression. It just worked out that way

This what I have been saying all along. Look we know this is just practice for the draconian governmental controls that the liberals will try to impose with their green deal. No air conditioning. No private cars only mass transit. No unapproved foods or drink. No religion. It is all happening right in front of your eyes. A serious flu epidemic has been used as a tool to control every aspect of our lives. Our first amendment rights to practice our religion and peacefully congregate have been throw out the window based on bogus computer models that have been shown to be a joke. 

We had to send a hospital ship to New York for the millions who would die. We had to cancel commerce and turn the Javits Center into a hospital for the millions who never got sick. We had to cancel Easter because of the fact that millions would die based on a model that took into account social distancing and closures of most of the economy and still predicted hundreds of thousands of deaths by now. None of which happened.

It is a fraud.

President Trump got rolled. He listened to the so called experts that are wrong again. He listened to the weatherman who told him a hurricane was going to destroy our house. So he helped them burn it down instead.

History will not be kind to the man who listened to the so called experts who were wrong again.

What if literary masterpieces were written by different authors,

What if CS Lewis wrote Anne of the Green Gables


 "But what does it all mean?" asked Anne when they were somewhat calmer.

"It means," said Aslan, "that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of Time. But if she could have looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had committed no treachery was killed in a traitor's stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would start working backwards."

"What must I do Aslan?" asked Anne. "I cannot believe that Miss Marilla is a witch. She is spare in her degree of kindness but not evil that I can see."

"You must flee young one. You place is not here on this farm of death. Flee while you can. Go into the wardrobe and go to where your true destiny awaits."

She Devils of the SS



They have returned to the Lem's Levity blog. Demanding obeisance. Even on our little blog they come in to demand conformity to the dictates of the government. Lately we have been getting obscene posts from a new troll (Or an old troll making a new appearance in a new guise):




Muzzled by Meade and Ann said...




I don't see him smiling so much, lately.

You really think Trump can win re-election by firing the infectious disease expert in his government? Which infectious disease expert would he replace him with? Or is none even better?

Not sure how much more he can politicize this - at least to his benefit. Support from seniors for Trump just dropped 20%. I think they're going to go with the medical advice on this one, not the armed goofballs marching on state capitols or governors talking about how many people it would be nice to see die so that some manicurists and nail salons will somehow carry their economy and therefore our wealth and "way of life."

Later she attacked Sixty Grit in another thread. We were doing so well here. We had left the detritus of the foul noxious TOP behind. I understand that they upped their game and started deleting  more commentors in their continuing and futile attempt to stifle free speech. So they search out other venus. You what these witless apes are?

A virus.

Luckily we won't close down and destroy our blog. We continue as free Americans. At least as long as the government will allow it.

The truth is out there... and in time it will come out.


The fraud that is the coronavirus will be exposed. After the election. A new study illustrates this when it shows the 98% of the New York City coronavirus victims had an underlying condition. From the Northwell Health system which has treated the most patients in the country so far  (From Instapundit):

Health records showed that 94% of the 5,700 patients in the Northwell Health system — which has had the most patients in the country during the pandemic — had at least one disease other than COVID-19, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association. 88% had more than one ailment on top of coronavirus.


Hypertension was the most common ailment, affecting 53% of coronavirus patients. Another 42% of patients who had a body mass index on file were obese and 32% of all patients had diabetes. Data from 2,634 patients who either died or were discharged from the hospital showed that 12% were on ventilators and that 88% of those on ventilators died.


My father in law had a myriad of health problems. He had Alzheimer and diabetes and a bad heart.  We had to take him to the hospital often and as always when he went to the hospital and was treated by lousy nurses like Inga he got infections. He got mercer and sepsis. We took him home for hospice care and because he had mercer we had to gown up and wear gloves and masks. I had to wear it when I was cleaning the shit off his ass and emptying his piss bag and bathing and changing him. He got the flu and it lead to a heart attack. When they filled out his death certificate they put hearth attack not the flu or mercer or sepsis. If he had the coronavirus they would have made that the cause of death. It would be a contributing factor not the cause just like mercer. That is the fraud they are foisting on the American people for political reasons.

Frauds like Fauci pulled the same shit with AIDS. They told us everyone would get it. That it was an epidemic and we had to change everything about our lifestyles to ensure that we didn't get it. Well guess what they were wrong. If you weren't a homo getting it up the ass or a junkie sharing needles you chances were very low. I mean you could get it from a blood transfusion like Greg Scarpa did but that was because he got blood from one his gang who was a pillow biter and had the bug. If you had straight sex with a condom it was very very unlikely that you would get it. Just as it is extremely unlikely that most people without an underlying condition will die from coronavirus. Sure people at risk should be careful. Don't send infected people into nursing homes. If you are young and healthy and you get exposed it is not going to kill you 99% of the time. It's like peanuts. It is deadly to a very small percentage of people. So for that we need to arrest people if they want to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.


This is all political. Most of it will blow up this week when Ramadan starts tomorrow. De Blasio and Cuomo and all the rest of these scumbags don't have the balls to arrest Muslims if they fill the mosques. They only attack and arrest Christians and Jews. They would never enforce their draconian fascist rules on Muslims. That would be Islamic phobic.


They will be in favor of relaxing the rules and opening the economy in November. After the election. That is what this is all about. Watch and see.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

On Window Tapping, the Northern Edition

My laugh for the night, summarizing our situation in the woods under the orders of Hair Whitmer, courtesy of the Powerline's Midweek edition.   The Babylon Bee's Translation Guide, also posted there, provided another apt tap on the window of intolerance. 


Powerline

What if literary masterpieces were written by different authors


First she studied her husband's flower arrangement. He had chosen the blossom of a single white wild rose and put a single pearl of water on the green leaf, and set it on red stones. Autumn is coming, he was suggesting with the flower, talking through the flower, do not weep for the time of fall, the time of dying when the earth begins to sleep; enjoy the time of beginning again and experience the glorious cool of the autumn air on this summer evening...soon the tear will vanish and the rose, only the stones will remain — soon you and I will vanish and only the stones will remain.

His love of her and his love of nature could not be denied. When he begged her to walk with him in the garden she could not refuse.

“Come my darling” he said. “Come walk with me as we walk arm in arm under the cherry blossoms.” “Where will we travel to my husband?”

“Tokyo.”

Why I have a present for you.....


"I have a present for you. The monopoly man on a glass case. It symbolizes the monopoly China will have on the supply chain once we help the Democrats defeat Trump."
"Thank you baby. But are you going to give it up?"
"Oh yes Barry I love you long time. Plus I give you another present."
"What's that sweetie?"
"The Kung Flu. It is a virus but not the bad one."
"Really the flu? That doesn't sound good. What are the symptoms?"
"Well your nipples get hard and you voice gets very high."
"Sounds good baby. I am pretty healthy. I am just staying alive. Let's go."

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Whose that pair or has that pair or something like that there?


These hot babes will turn you psycho and I wish someone would dress up as them on Halloween and ring my bell.

The epitome of a teenagers MDA fantasies it is enough to make you type one handed if I do say so myself.

I wanted to change the notation when I saved it to my photos form jpeg to jugs.

Whose that pair?

Meet Charles Manson | Mindhunter | Netflix



I recommend this series. I generally don't like serial killer shows but this one is well done. They interview various serial killers like Manson and Son of Sam. I think some of this is fascinating.

This interpretation of Manson seems to be right on the money. The last post with Tom O'Neil made me think of this episode.

Check out the series on Netflicks. It is pretty good.

A fascinating tale:Joe Rogan Experience #1459 - Tom O'Neill



I remember the Church committee hearings where a select committee examined the behavior of the CIA and the FBI. Being a baby conservative at the time I was outraged and thought that they were communists.

Now I think they were heroes,

They revealed many of the crimes of the Deep State. Including the Mob's involvement with the CIA. Momo Giancana was whacked the day before he could testify. Jimmy the Weasel one of the most prolific hitman  of all time testified and ended up floating in an oil drum in the ocean. Just imagine what a committee headed by Rand Paul or Tom Cotton might reveal about the dealings of the Deep State.

This episode is with a real investigative journalist who probes the links between the CIA and Charles Manson and has some very impressive information. This guy is a real journalist who refuses to get ahead of his ski's and refuses to say things that he can't prove. The shit he can prove is unbelievable.

I think youse guys might enjoy this.

What if literary masterpieces were written by different authors?

What if HP Lovecraft had written "Pride and Prejudice."

Occupied in observing Cthulhu's attentions to her sister, Elizabeth was far from suspecting that she was herself becoming an object of some interest in the eyes of his friend and half brother. Hastur the Unspeakable had at first scarcely allowed her to be edible; he had looked at her without admiration at the ball; and when they next met, he looked at her only  as perhaps a bit of fodder for his insatiable appetite. But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she had hardly a good morsel in her lank frame with no meat in her hips or breast, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly succulent by the beautiful expression of her tender sprouting limbs. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying. Though he had detected with a critical eye more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form, he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light and appetizing like a fresh baked scone; and in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their white sugary essence. Of this she was perfectly unaware;--to her he was only the man who made himself agreeable nowhere, and who had not thought her sufficiently toothsome to devour in praise of the Elder Gods.


Dr Fauci said......


Sacco and Vanzetti were Italian anarchists who wanted to destroy our society. Our economy. Our liberty. Our United States.

They wanted to do it with a bomb.

Dr Fauci is an Italian communist who wants to destroy our society. Our economy. Our liberty. Our United States.

He wants to do it with pseudo science. Fraudulent computer models. Fear and loathing. With a smile.

The Summer of Boo Boo


We all got sick when the Chinese Panda Bears moved next door. Their young daughter Ling Ling gave Brother Bear a virus. Not the one he always got where his penis would burn when he took a pee. This one was named after a beer. Ranger Smith called it the Coors Virus. I don't know why but I think he thought it sounded cool.

We all caught the virus. It made us cough and wheeze and it was hard to breath. We all sounded like  Papa Bear when he took Mama Bear into their bedroom and locked the door after he had been drinking all day. We huffed and puffed and sounded like we were running a race. It got so bad we had to go to the Hospital.

There were a lot of sick bears there. Smokey was hacking up a lung. He was always against forest fires but he smoked like a chimney. Gentle Ben was there and he wasn't gentle at all. We even saw Gentile Ben who was the shabbos goy for all the Jew Bears. They were all in the hospital and they were all very sick.

The Doctor in charge was a greasy Eye-talian who looked like he was looking for his momkey before he started grinding his organ. Or that he would rather be grinding his organ than taking care of sick bears. Anyway he said there was nothing he could do. We had to self quarantine at home. No more going to work. No more frolicing for the tourist so they would throw us food. No more raiding garbage cans.

We are going to starve. And that dirty wop doesn't care.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)


Monday, April 20, 2020

Lets go back to when entertainment was entertainment



With an old favorite.

Panda sex with Charles Bukowski


Van Gogh writing his brother for paints
Hemingway testing his shotgun
Celine going broke as a doctor of medicine
the impossibility of being human
Villon expelled from Paris for being a thief
Faulkner drunk in the gutters of his town
the impossibility of being human
Burroughs killing his wife with a gun
Mailer stabbing his
the impossibility of being human
Maupassant going mad in a rowboat
Dostoevsky lined up against a wall to be shot
Crane off the back of a boat into the propeller
the impossibility
Sylvia with her head in the oven like a baked potato
Harry Crosby leaping into that Black Sun
Lorca murdered in the road by Spanish troops
the impossibility
Artaud sitting on a madhouse bench
Chatterton drinking rat poison
Shakespeare a plagiarist
Beethoven with a horn stuck into his head against deafness
the impossibility the impossibility
Nietzsche gone totally mad
the impossibility of being human
all too human
this breathing
in and out
out and in
these punks
these cowards
these champions
these mad dogs of glory'

this gang bang of virtuosity
moving this little bit of light toward us
impossibly.

Born to be wild Hossaroni

"Hey Hop Sing come over here and hop on."
"Wat dat Mr. Hossaroni?"
"It's my new Little Rascal. They are selling them down at the mercantile. It's one of those dad gummed horseless carriages. I will be riding it instead of a horse from now on."
"Wat wrong with Horse Mr. Hossaroni?"
"Dag gummit Hop Sing but everytime one of us Cartwrights get interested in a girl they get run over by a horse or sumtim. This eliminates one of them there problems. Now climb on you can be my bitch."
"Okey Dokey Mr. Hossaroni let me tie up pig tail first. Lets ride."

Earworms are the worst

On Flatworms and Freeeeedom!!!

“Like a flatworm, art possesses the astounding ability of regeneration.  Split your work in any way--lengthwise, into irregular pieces, using just one idea  or element from the whole--and it can grow into an entirely new organism.  This is true down to the 1/279th of the organism.  Every part of this new entity, in turn will have the ability to engender another new form--which may itself grow into a self-sufficient organism that retains the memories of the original.  In this way, art remembers itself. 

Vivisect yourself.  Any material, gesture, color, surface, idea can grow again into a new branch of your work.  It will have the potential to develop in unforeseen ways, to accrete and conjoin into new structure that will almost inevitably mean more than you’ve intended.  This work of severing, reconsidering, repositioning, is the origin of what Salvador Dali called “a delirium of interpretation.”  It’s why art has likely been with us since the beginning.  Art is like a burning bush: it puts out more energy than went into its making.  This is what is meant by ars longa.”   From: How to be an Artist, by Jerry Saltz, 2020, pg.45, Chapter 20, "Art is a Flatworm".

This small but potent book of thoughts on art arrived via Amazon at the end of March to sit alone in the darkness of our garage for a day or two and decontaminate before being opened to reveal a collection of words and pictures set to support and encourage creativity and artistic expression.  This exercise below followed the words above:  

“Exercise:   Using projection, tracing paper, or any other appropriate technique, make a drawing of a found image or photograph.   Make it as perfect and as true to the original as you possibly can.

Then draw the same object in the exact same way-but this time invent 50 percent of it.  Adlib, riff, change it slightly or greatly or entirely for that half.

Finally, put the image away and render it from memory.  When you recreate something from memory you’re necessarily putting yourself inside the work--between what you saw and what you think you saw, in dialogue with the image, the materials, your memory, yourself and more.

Those last two drawings?  They’re flatworms.

(Although the illustration included with this chapter was a drawing of a man using parts from one sculpture to create another, the real life illustrations revealed here at Levity in recent weeks seem more apt--from a woman using callas as canvas, to a color challenged craftsman incorporating incorporated blocks of colored wood with naturally lined pieces to turn out bowls as vivid as the colored flowers, each recreating unique, one-of-a-kind visual experiences in the material that put out energy, even now as this is being read!) 

VÄ«ta brevis, ars longa! Here's to vivisection and regeneration!!

And flatworms!!! Here, there, among and within.



Saturday, April 18, 2020

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Inga is not keeping social distancing.

Inga has moved to Florida and is refusing to keep her social distance.

She loves to display her pussy. So to speak.

Can I run for President

"Oh Batman....are you running for President or are you just happy too see me?"
"I am always happy to see you Mrs. Schlafly. Now let me smell your hair."
"Oh Batman you are the best."

Dr Fauci said

Dr Fauci has directed the President to not open the economy because there is not enough tests or other reasons that will not crash the economy before the election. The science is settled.

You can not go to church. You can not go to the park. You can not shop for seeds or flowers or plant vegetables. You can not buy a car seat for your child. You can not visit your family. The science is settled.

Meet the bastard child that is Dr. Fauci's economy.

The Way We Were



Sixty mentioned that he recently saw the "Search for One Eyed Jimmy." I have written about this before at Trooper York.

This was an independent film made in Red Hook in 1994. That was right before gentrification turned Red Hook into a hipsters paradise. Red Hook used to be a pretty tough place. The projects were a horror show in the 1980's because of crack. You might remember the story of the principal of the grammar school who was murdered trying to protect one of his students caught in a crossfire. The only safe streets were the ones controlled by the Mob where they had a social club. Or the street where my friend Greg had a sandwich shop. The shop and Greg are in the movie. He later opened a jewelry store on Court St. His son stole the store when he had a stroke and moved the operation to Staten Island where its a big deal with radio commercials all the time.

Anyway they used some of the neighborhood characters as the basis for the characters in the movie. Just more exaggerated if that is possible. For example Disco Bean is based on John who owns Sal's pizza and never got over his disco years. The General is based on a homeless guy we used to call Rockefeller who was an ex navy guy who would preach that all of our problems were because of the rich people like Rockefeller who were shooting rays into our head to control us. Head is based on a couple of mooks from the neighborhood who had that nickname.

When I was growing up in the 1960's Red Hook still had a big Italian presence. Most of the small houses and small business were owned by the wops. Then they started to move. Many of the old time joints closed as the moolies took over. Then this guy opened up a Fairway Supermarket and it started to turn. Hipsters started moving in. Soon enough Movie Stars got condos. That dipshit Michael Shannon for one. If any of the old characters were around they would have them arrested. Now there  are million dollar condos where Disco Bean used to dance on cardboard.

The movie was really calling to mind an environment that existed twenty years before in the 1970/s. Still as a slice of life it is pretty funny.

I am glad you enjoyed it Sixty.





Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Souvenirs





Just about the only thing the government can't take away from us.

Angie and Frank

.


"Hello Angie. I'm the King of Siam. Shall we dance."
"Fuggedabout Baldy. She's with me."
"Don't be mean Frank, He's harmless. I hear he's packing a Magnificent Seven. A lot better than your pal Jack."
"Don't be a slut Angie. Now come sit on my lap and I will show you the braciole."
"Oh I love me some Italian."

Dr Fauci said


Dr Fauci said it is too soon to go back to normal. Too soon to go to restaurants. Too soon to go to the ballgame. Way too soon to go to church. Or buy baby car seats. Or flowers for your garden. Too soon to be Americans.

You see Dr. Fauci knows better. He knows how you should run your life. He knows better than President Tump. Better than your governor. Better than you.

He knows he can fuck you.

And there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.

It can't be that big Mr. Hossaroni!


"I don't feel so good Hop Sing ever since you gave me that Bat Soup."
"It be good for you Mr. Hossaroni. Make your egg roll get big like Elephant."
"It's already big enough Hop Sing."
"How big Mr. Hossaroni?"
"This big Hop Sing."
"Oh you big trouble Mr. Hossaroni. You have more Bat Soup it take care of the problem."

Elder abuse is a terrible thing......





If someone you know is suffering from dementia please reach out. There is help available. You just have to ask.

On Science and More G. Whiz Sloganeering

When was the last time someone pitched you a curve like this one?   Grade School?  This one in blue is the latest from Michigan's Governor Gretchen Whitmer, bearing a message that sounds like something from the Michigan edition of Highlights for Children, bringing me back to the bulletin boards of my youth and my fourth grade teacher who'd issue random "F.F.O.F" orders (Feet Flat on Floor) throughout the day to snap us to attention and keep us off our toes.  The bulletin boards were covered in colored construction paper with hand cut letters (punched out letters in later years) tacked on to spell out a meaningful, character building message. Each display would remain up for  a month or two (most likely because they weren't easy to assemble), allowing more than enough time for a classroom of impressionable youths with big eyes to regard and take it to heart while the paper faded.

Prior to this declaration in blue, Whitmer's State of the State Dress served as a call for attention along with the two most recent bulletin board style T-shirts she's worn bearing messages short enough to fit on the front, with "Everyone VS. Covid 19" on one and "That Woman from Michigan" on another.

Last night Tucker Carlson took her and the arrogant foolishness she's been promoting as "science" to task during prime time (at the 12:22 mark) and Glenn R dropped a "dumb as a bag of hammers" reference which could work well on the back of a T-shirt if she decides to put the one size fits all stretching of truth regarding Michiganders on the front.





Sunday, April 12, 2020

Latest from the Babylon Bee


Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order
(Babylon Bee April 12. 2020)

JERUSALEM—Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus ofNazareth for violating the Empire's clear "stay in tomb" order. After crucifying him and laying him in the tomb, Roman guards put Him under strict orders to stay there and not come back, rising victorious over sin and death.
But Jesus, answering to a higher authority, refused to stay dead and busted out of the tomb, establishing a kingdom that would never end -- again, in clear violation of the government's orders.
"Jesus is a dangerous rebel, refusing to bend the knee to Caesar and not abiding by the law of sin and death," said one Roman official. "He clearly broke the law by leaving the tomb, and we're going to be issuing a citation and placing him under mandatory quarantine for these crimes."
After coming into contact with many large groups over the course of approximately 40 days, Jesus ascended into heaven and is currently thought to be reigning on high.
Authorities are also investigating Him for planning to gather with a large multitude of every tribe, tongue, and nation. He says he currently has no plans to obey any earthly king on the matter, pressing ahead with the gathering of those who believe He died and rose again and trust Him alone for their salvation.

Happy Easter Rising

Dr. Fauci said......


The National Weather Service has reported that there will be seventy mile an hour winds tomorrow. Since the weatherman is never wrong the President has consulted with his scientific advisers. Dr. Fauci has insisted that due to the potential damages based on the computer models every home in the United States must be demolished because if the winds knock them down some people might get hurt. Of course women and minorities will be most affected. All Americans are directed to give up their personal residences and report to government shelters until they are allocated approved governmental housing.

So please be prepared for your house to be demolished because as we know Dr. Fauci is never wrong.

The Babe Abides

"We are here with the pitching sensation of the Boston Red Sox the one and only Babe Ruth. Babe how do you think the Sox are going to do in this early going of the 1918 season?"
"Why we are going to the Series keed waddaya think?"
"Well it seems that the Yankees have a good team as do the Tigers so do you really think the Sox can get to the Series?"
"Of course we can whats the matter with you? Are you retarded or something?"
"Babe several of the fellas have been down with the flu in Spring Training. Do you think that will effect the team this season/"
"What a little flu? Why would that be a problem? What are we pussies? I once played the whole season with the clap and my pecker was oozing like a tube of Peposdent that I stepped on when I was fucking that whore on the bathroom sink. A little flu never meant nothing. Besides I hear only them spics get it."
"Thanks Babe for your time."
"Get that to editing. They might have to slice it up a little. Achoo. Damn I think I have an allergy to pine tar or something.."

Thursday, April 9, 2020

When it was OK for a Presidential Candidate to Smell your hair


"Oh Ronnie we can't do this. What will Nancy say?"
"Don't worry sweetheart. It's not like we are married or anything. I just want to smell your hair. What is that lovely scent? Chanel?"
"No it is just Dippity Do. I use it to get this hairstyle. All the girls in the chorus do."
"It's smells ....like Freedom. Can we be free Angie?"
"Sure just not with your hands. Who do you think you are sir?"
"I am your candidate darling and I want your vote."

I would like to point out something to you......


But I forgot what it was.

Oh yeah now I remember. What ever happened to blake?

Global Warming in my Pants.


You know what this shut down of our economy for this overstated flu bug is really about?

It is a practice run for shutting us down because of global warming.

Think about it. No food in the supermarket. People informing on their neighbors. The police arresting you for not following the dictates of every petty tyrant elected mayor or governor who want to abrogate the constitution by closing down the liquor and gun stores. The government deciding if your business or job is essential. Everyone dependent on a government check.

It is communism pure and simple.

The same experts that said millions would die when the total will be about 20,000 are the ones who tell us that global warming will destroy the world in twelve years. They will outlaw personal automobiles and air conditioning. They will proscribe certain foods like beef and demand we only eat carbon neutral produced food like soybeans. Or Soylent Green for that matter.

Many of the horrible scenarios from the science fiction movies of the past are coming true. Some think it will be like "Blade Runner." Others think it will be "Logan's Run" where the elderly will be killed off. Still others think it will be "Soylent Green."

Me I think it will be like "Planet of the Apes."

Welcome your new Overlords:

Betty White is a Whore


So many old farts are kicking off these days. John Prine. Al Kaline. Joe Diffe. Tom Dempsy.

But you know who is going strong?

Betty White.

She is going strong singing a song and sucking on a wiener.

That's because Betty White is a whore.

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

RIP AL Kaline



There were a lot of guys who killed the Yankees back in the day. Some of them you hated like Yaz and Rico and Denny Mc Clain.

But some guys you respected and wished were on your team. Brooks Robinson. Boog Powell. Joe Rudi. Frank Robinson. Willie Mays. Willie Mc Covey. Willie Stargel. Most of all there was Al Kaline.

A great player. A class guy. A real gentlemen.

The best praise I can give him is that he would have made a great Yankee.

They don't make guys like Al Kaline anymore.

Rip Al.

RIP John Prine




I used to listen to him a lot when I was in college.

Recently I have been playing him on my Alexa.

Rip John. You did good son.

Marilyn's Diary


We were always very health conscious in the Munster family.  Aunt Lily made us eat right and was ahead of her time in her use of herbal homeopathic remedies. She cooked all of our dinners and we were all fit as a fiddle. Even Uncle Herman which was an impressive feat since he was made of over 1,545 different people that the Doctor back in the old country used to create him. Some of them must have been sickly after all since they were dead when he took the parts. Still and all we were remarkably healthy.

Aunt Lily was a good if eclectic cook. She made the normal fair. Macaroni and frog.  Spaghetti and newt sauce.  Every thing was fine until one day she made something that got us all sick. You see she made Chinese bat soup.

We all got sick. Eddie started coughing and wheezing. He sounded just like he did when he whacked off when he stole some of my pee stained panties. Aunt Lily and Uncle Herman changed color. Normally they were green but they turned pink. It was a little terrifying.

The worst of course was Grandpa. You see he was the most at risk, He was the oldest considering he was over three thousand years old. And he had a underlying condition. You see he was a vampire so when he sucked out blood he would get all kinds of esoteric blood diseases. He was the first person to discover sickle cell anemia because he liked him some brown sugar. So he was really affected.

Eventually we all got better. As usual these things are wildly overstated. I mean it wasn't the plague or berri berri or anything like that there. It did effect Grandpa the most I guess because it got him interested in medicine. He got a part time job as a technician with this doctor named Marcus Welby.  He was famous for hiring odd people. He had the first wetback nurse and his partner was a retard who was so dumb he ended up marrying Barbara Striesnd.

So Grandpa started working for him. Of course he was up to his old tricks. He wrote some numbers on his dick and told the patients that it was a thermometer. Some of these Hollywood people were so dumb that he believed it. Grandpa really loved to take their temperature.

You see he always did it anally.

Grandpa was a scamp.