Thursday, September 22, 2016

Melania Trumps Diary

We are getting to the home stretch. Donald loves the home stretch. He calls it that when I pull on little Donald when we are in the Helicopter on the way back from Atlantic City. I have to tug on it a little but it usual stands to attention. Not like a shitty quarterback for the national anthem. Lately Donald has been getting pretty frisky. I guess he can smell victory in the air. Or Ivanka’s breast milk. That always gets him excited.

We were so happy that a citizen caught Crooked Hillary stroking out on 911 day. You know if he didn't have that video she would denied the whole thing and the scumbag press would have covered it up. They always do that for Democrats. They covered up Wilson having a stroke. They covered up FDR having to wheel himself around. They covered up Kennedy having Halfway in his Grave disease. They just cover for every Democrat. That is who they are.

Of course we are used to that. Everyone in the elites are against us. The press. The commie college professors. The Rhinos. Especially the Bushes. Senile old man Bush told one of the Kennedy twats that he was voting for Hillary. Big Whoops. You can understand that because Donald beat that poor simpleton Jeb like he was a baby seal. Barbara Bush hates us with a passion. She is always sending us nasty tweets of her grey haired old bush. That’s right. She is Anthony Weinering us. Donald doesn’t get it. Every time he gets a new one Kellyanne just tells him it is a tweet from Bayard Rustin with his picture and he believes it. You see Donnie has a low attention span for bullshit. He is focused on making America Great again.

Now there are bunch of riots going on. The Canadians are getting restless. There were a couple of shootings. One was particular bad where this lady cop shot an innocent man. What are the odds? I mean the odds are pretty good that a woman cop is going be scared and shoot first because she can’t handle herself physically. But what are the odds that she would shoot an innocent black man? It’s like getting a hole in one or something.

Of course in North Carolina it is a whole different thing. This Canadian had a gun when the cops sclonged him. It is even on video. Everything is on video these days. So now they are protesting. Not by sitting at a lunch counter or riding in the front of bus. They are protesting the new fangled way by robbing the liquor store and looting CVS for oxy. They shall overcome. Overcome their jones. Whatever. Once Donnie gets in he is going to fix it. He is going to change how we do things. From now on he is going to put in a federal mandate that liquor and drugs can only be dispensed from the library. It will be safe there. None of these protestors know where the library is so we should be good.

I have to leave early tonight. I am meeting up with Gigi and Bella Haddad. They want lessons on how to be a supermodel and how to snag a billionaire husband. I am going over there with a tube of KY and a big bunch of bananas.

I just love to teach the younger generation. That is going to be my talent as first lady.
I am going to be a great first lady.


edutcher said...

Actually, black cops are more likely to shoot blacks.

And the newest thing for Frumpty is her little outburst in the City Where All The Brothers Love Each Other. She got all snarly in front of some union guys and now people are wondering if she's starting to crack. Even TOP.

I wouldn't be surprised. She expected this to be a coronation, but could be all the frustration is getting to her.

So it could be another interesting weekend.

PS Looks like "The Magnificent Seven" reboot is getting meh reviews.

Trooper York said...

The new Magnificent Seven is just about the worst abortion in Hollywood history!

First of all they changed the villains from Mexicans to white mine owners.

Then they try to tell us that the first place a white widder woman is going to go for help is to a noble black man. In the Old West.

It is an SJW western.

chickelit said...

Well done, Troop! Another addition to a great series.

Trooper York said...

Thank you Chickie.

I am sorry I have left Melania alone for so long but I have been busy.

chickelit said...

"Then they try to tell us that the first place a white widder woman is going to go for help is to a noble black man. In the Old West."

Is Morgan Freeman in the film?

chickelit said...

"I am sorry I have left Melania alone for so long but I have been busy"

Like other great writers on the Internet, you have a tendency to "circle back" to good ideas.

Trooper York said...

I just like continuing series as you know. I think it is important to adapt the same premise to current events. It gives a blog a sort of history as it were. Call backs. It is a basic premise in comedy.

Titus said...

Excellent post Troop. Funny as hell as usual.

Barbara's bush made me lol.

Titus said...

I love that you know who Gigi and Bella Hadid are...they got muzzie in them you know?

Lem said...

Trooper I asked you.

edutcher said...

This is cool if true.

The Trump campaign wants to let Hillary do most of the talking at the debate because (are you ready?) the more people have to look at her and listen to her, the more they'll be turned off.

If it's for real, this is vintage Ailes.