One that I answer all the time without being asked. And each time I feel a little bit wary because I've been denigrated for even mentioning dreams.
But I'd like to mention something mental and spiritual that happens that's not a dream but similar to them. For example, what happened when I looked at this photo.
I was momentarily transported across decades of time to the last time something like this actually did happen, me in a bathtub with a woman attending me, to the age of three. Now is that weird, or what? I was crying and making a huge fuss. Frustrated with my behavior Mum pulled away and exasperated asked me plainly, "Why are you crying?"
I answered, "Because that's going to hurt my eyes." I was predicting her shampooing method will mess all over and sting my eyes by her brutish rushed careless ways. She was a giant controlling me and not caring how much it hurt.
She said, "I have a way to do this so that won't hurt."
"You do?" As I wondered why she hadn't been doing it that way all along.
"Yes. I do."
"Okay." I calmed down and let her tip me backward. And it was fun. All I had to do was submit.
Then another example.
Yesterday I was walking, clomping away, each step a bit clumsy and clunking and a bit painful when suddenly the breeze and the moderately cool temperature, the air pressure, and quality of light, its sharpness and harshness, caused me to transport back decades, again, to a spot on top of a Pennsylvania mountain among trees inside a tiny radar site to the age of nine. I actually became a child even as each step kept me anchored as a man, two beings at once. For a few seconds, the length of a quarter block. Then it stopped.
This only happens in a meditative state, but it sure is weird when it happens.
But, Doctor, here's something even more weird that occurred entirely in the material world.
My laptop is conking out. It's rather old at this point. The new problem has to do with browsers. And I had just recently updated to Sierra. The browsers do not fire up immediately like they did. It takes a long time to get started when the computer cools down. Any pause in working even if warm, means I have to wait for the browsers to warm up again.
I reinstalled Sierra, and that takes a long time, but that didn't help. The television roku bogs down too with the browsers. The sound goes off, or it simply pauses, or it kicks out of roku. So I reset the connection by their process as well and that didn't help.
I did drop the laptop twice. It slipped off the sofa onto the carpeted floor but worked it still worked as before. Both times. Within a week.
I ran the utility multiple times and the report is everything is fine.
Then yesterday it went off the rails and took a very very very long time to deliver internet pages. It became nearly useless.
I visualized taking it to be repaired. The delay, the expense, the laptop's age.
This kept getting worse and I faced the realization this laptop is dying. I knew this day would come. So here it is. The day has arrived. So I bought a new one. The latest version. Top of the line. Rather expensive.
Ordering the new one took f-o-r-e-v-e-r with multiple windows open to various places comparing. Just ordering might very well be the last thing this old laptop does. That's how badly it performed.
Then I made dinner. And the laptop cooled down again.
I opened it again expecting huge wait times, mustered my patience for delays as it does now. I can work puzzles while pages load.
But instead the browsers fired right up, no pause at all, and my old laptop works good as new. Just like that BAM! It returned to natural operating speed and responsiveness.
Doctor, as if ordering a new one shook up the old one just like my Belgian sheepdogs refused to retrieve absolutely, they all went brain dean with retrieves, until I played with a retriever in front of them, and then they became the best retrievers ever, actually out-retrieving the retrievers bred for it. Then went brain dead again when the retriever dog was gone. It's ridiculous, Doctor, but if ordering a new one is what it takes to get the old one working to standards again then I'm for it. What else am I to do, suffer outrageous delays?
Up until now I wouldn't have accepted that laptops experience jealousy, but now I do. This laptop was cooked. It did not respond to resuscitation. None of the avenues to performance worked. Nothing worked, it just kept getting worse. Until the moment I bought a new one. And don't even try giving another explanation. This was a steady progression down down down down down very very down, I accepted that, and now I accept this.
Maybe it really is like a dog and just wanted another dog friend around to play with.
I'm joking. I cannot explain this weird phenomenon. Except maybe Apple computers have ways of healing themselves. I don't know.
The roku within the television stopped acting up too. Throughout, the lights on the router stayed constant.
It took me a moment to realize the extent that he's gone just to have me around.
Because this is outrageous.
Their outrageousness supersedes mine.
My family knows I don't fly anymore and they accept my solid reasons why.
Now my nice is getting married. I meant to say niece.
One state away. A 10 hour drive. To the far edge of Nebraska and Iowa. The east side of Nebraska, actually within Iowa. What a strange place to be. Don't you think? You should see this guy. Good Lord. Those Iowa farm boys sure are big. And he found himself a real sweetie. My niece is a living doll. That's why I call her "Doll Face." But then, my sister couldn't have done any less. She's a doll too. Sweet, and you wouldn't believe how sensible. Both of them.
I told them I wouldn't be making it. Over and over and over.
My sister asked. My niece asked. My nephew asked My older brother asked My younger brother asked.
Yesterday my younger brother in Concord CA called to tell me to get ready to be picked up.
He's flying his family to Denver. His wife wants to see dinosaurs while they're here, Stay the day, then drive through Colorado and Nebraska to Iowa. Stay the night and drive back. Then fly back to California.
How active!
See, they could have simply flown the whole way.
And he's driving his whole family. Not just me. He readjusted his entire family from flying to partially driving. Just for me. And that's quite a lot of wearisome maneuvering and extra effort just for me. Hotel rooms, van rental, and such extra logistics and expenses.
So now I really must go.
There went my excuse for not going.
I thought I had that nailed down tightly. But no. He'll actually warp a simple plan for his entire family just to force me to go.
Aggravating as that is, is that awesome or what?
I must recognize my sibs really wanted me there.
I must acknowledge they discussed this among themselves and planned this together.
From my pov it's just a marriage. A silly ritual. But from their pov it's everything.
And that means more to me than the actual marriage ceremony does. Because it's real and not a mere fairy tale like ritual. Come on, they could get married in any way that they wished. It needn't be expensive nor involve everyone. We don't all have to witness.
But there you go, in their constructed world so loaded with religious ritual, we do. Apparently it's this specific ritual, done this specific way, with this specific attendance that concretizes their marriage. And all 4 of my sibs agree. I'm the oddball here. Eh. Oh well. If they really want to drive my sorry ass all the way there, then fine. I'll behave, and go along with them. You guys win. And it'll be fun.
I won't be around here next Thursday through Sunday because my sibs are kidnapping me. I'm going to a strange and prim place, that's flat, like in the movie Oz.
4 comments:
Not Angie.
That's a good question, Doctor.
One that I answer all the time without being asked. And each time I feel a little bit wary because I've been denigrated for even mentioning dreams.
But I'd like to mention something mental and spiritual that happens that's not a dream but similar to them. For example, what happened when I looked at this photo.
I was momentarily transported across decades of time to the last time something like this actually did happen, me in a bathtub with a woman attending me, to the age of three. Now is that weird, or what? I was crying and making a huge fuss. Frustrated with my behavior Mum pulled away and exasperated asked me plainly, "Why are you crying?"
I answered, "Because that's going to hurt my eyes." I was predicting her shampooing method will mess all over and sting my eyes by her brutish rushed careless ways. She was a giant controlling me and not caring how much it hurt.
She said, "I have a way to do this so that won't hurt."
"You do?" As I wondered why she hadn't been doing it that way all along.
"Yes. I do."
"Okay." I calmed down and let her tip me backward. And it was fun. All I had to do was submit.
Then another example.
Yesterday I was walking, clomping away, each step a bit clumsy and clunking and a bit painful when suddenly the breeze and the moderately cool temperature, the air pressure, and quality of light, its sharpness and harshness, caused me to transport back decades, again, to a spot on top of a Pennsylvania mountain among trees inside a tiny radar site to the age of nine. I actually became a child even as each step kept me anchored as a man, two beings at once. For a few seconds, the length of a quarter block. Then it stopped.
This only happens in a meditative state, but it sure is weird when it happens.
But, Doctor, here's something even more weird that occurred entirely in the material world.
My laptop is conking out. It's rather old at this point. The new problem has to do with browsers. And I had just recently updated to Sierra. The browsers do not fire up immediately like they did. It takes a long time to get started when the computer cools down. Any pause in working even if warm, means I have to wait for the browsers to warm up again.
I reinstalled Sierra, and that takes a long time, but that didn't help. The television roku bogs down too with the browsers. The sound goes off, or it simply pauses, or it kicks out of roku. So I reset the connection by their process as well and that didn't help.
I did drop the laptop twice. It slipped off the sofa onto the carpeted floor but worked it still worked as before. Both times. Within a week.
I ran the utility multiple times and the report is everything is fine.
Then yesterday it went off the rails and took a very very very long time to deliver internet pages. It became nearly useless.
I visualized taking it to be repaired. The delay, the expense, the laptop's age.
This kept getting worse and I faced the realization this laptop is dying. I knew this day would come. So here it is. The day has arrived. So I bought a new one. The latest version. Top of the line. Rather expensive.
Ordering the new one took f-o-r-e-v-e-r with multiple windows open to various places comparing. Just ordering might very well be the last thing this old laptop does. That's how badly it performed.
Then I made dinner. And the laptop cooled down again.
I opened it again expecting huge wait times, mustered my patience for delays as it does now. I can work puzzles while pages load.
But instead the browsers fired right up, no pause at all, and my old laptop works good as new. Just like that BAM! It returned to natural operating speed and responsiveness.
Doctor, as if ordering a new one shook up the old one just like my Belgian sheepdogs refused to retrieve absolutely, they all went brain dean with retrieves, until I played with a retriever in front of them, and then they became the best retrievers ever, actually out-retrieving the retrievers bred for it. Then went brain dead again when the retriever dog was gone. It's ridiculous, Doctor, but if ordering a new one is what it takes to get the old one working to standards again then I'm for it. What else am I to do, suffer outrageous delays?
Up until now I wouldn't have accepted that laptops experience jealousy, but now I do. This laptop was cooked. It did not respond to resuscitation. None of the avenues to performance worked. Nothing worked, it just kept getting worse. Until the moment I bought a new one. And don't even try giving another explanation. This was a steady progression down down down down down very very down, I accepted that, and now I accept this.
Maybe it really is like a dog and just wanted another dog friend around to play with.
I'm joking. I cannot explain this weird phenomenon. Except maybe Apple computers have ways of healing themselves. I don't know.
The roku within the television stopped acting up too. Throughout, the lights on the router stayed constant.
My brother loves me.
It took me a moment to realize the extent that he's gone just to have me around.
Because this is outrageous.
Their outrageousness supersedes mine.
My family knows I don't fly anymore and they accept my solid reasons why.
Now my nice is getting married. I meant to say niece.
One state away. A 10 hour drive. To the far edge of Nebraska and Iowa. The east side of Nebraska, actually within Iowa. What a strange place to be. Don't you think? You should see this guy. Good Lord. Those Iowa farm boys sure are big. And he found himself a real sweetie. My niece is a living doll. That's why I call her "Doll Face." But then, my sister couldn't have done any less. She's a doll too. Sweet, and you wouldn't believe how sensible. Both of them.
I told them I wouldn't be making it. Over and over and over.
My sister asked.
My niece asked.
My nephew asked
My older brother asked
My younger brother asked.
Yesterday my younger brother in Concord CA called to tell me to get ready to be picked up.
He's flying his family to Denver. His wife wants to see dinosaurs while they're here, Stay the day, then drive through Colorado and Nebraska to Iowa. Stay the night and drive back. Then fly back to California.
How active!
See, they could have simply flown the whole way.
And he's driving his whole family. Not just me. He readjusted his entire family from flying to partially driving. Just for me. And that's quite a lot of wearisome maneuvering and extra effort just for me. Hotel rooms, van rental, and such extra logistics and expenses.
So now I really must go.
There went my excuse for not going.
I thought I had that nailed down tightly. But no. He'll actually warp a simple plan for his entire family just to force me to go.
Aggravating as that is, is that awesome or what?
I must recognize my sibs really wanted me there.
I must acknowledge they discussed this among themselves and planned this together.
From my pov it's just a marriage. A silly ritual. But from their pov it's everything.
And that means more to me than the actual marriage ceremony does. Because it's real and not a mere fairy tale like ritual. Come on, they could get married in any way that they wished. It needn't be expensive nor involve everyone. We don't all have to witness.
But there you go, in their constructed world so loaded with religious ritual, we do. Apparently it's this specific ritual, done this specific way, with this specific attendance that concretizes their marriage. And all 4 of my sibs agree. I'm the oddball here. Eh. Oh well. If they really want to drive my sorry ass all the way there, then fine. I'll behave, and go along with them. You guys win. And it'll be fun.
I won't be around here next Thursday through Sunday because my sibs are kidnapping me. I'm going to a strange and prim place, that's flat, like in the movie Oz.
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