I miss my Uncle Herman.
When we living in Southern California I spent a lot of time at the beach. I had to get out of the house since it was getting too weird. My little pervert cousin Eddie kept trying to steal my dirty underwear. Grandpa was always playing show tunes and hanging out with his Hollywood friends Charles Nelson Reilly and Wally Cox. Worst of all Aunt Lily was starting to get suspicious about how close I was getting with Uncle Herman. I tdecided to spend more time out of the house.
I met a whole new bunch of friends at the beach. There was Frankie and Annette but they were kind of strange. She wanted to talk about mice and he was a real greasy guinea who tried to get into my pants. I preferred to hang out with the more white bred types. I knew my friend Gidget from High School so I hung out with her and her boyfriend Moondoggie. Now just because they were Protestants didn't mean they were boring. They loved surfing and singing and drinking. Most of all they loved music. We would go out all the time to bars and shows and other places to hear good music. We especially liked this one club that had a lot of blues and soul music. It had a real groovy crowd. There were college professors and poets and hippies. There was this one old Jew named Allen who kept buying Moondoggie drinks and rubbing his back. Then one night we had a revelation. There was a young soul singer with a great voice who left her heart on the stage. She was from Detroit. Her name was Aretha.
After the show she came down and hung out at the bar for a while. She didn't like me or Gidget very much. I think she thought we were silly white girls. But I think she had a crush on Moondoggie. That happened a lot. Everybody wanted a piece of the Dog. So we invited her to come to the beach with us.
We picked her up from the Motel the next morning to go surfing. The only problem was that she didn't have a bathing suit. Now we couldn't lend her a suit because she had ginormous titties and we were more on the modest size. Luckily Aunt Lilly had big knockers so we decided to go back to the house to borrow one of her suits.
One day we were at home and Uncle Herman was flirting with us. You see he liked a little of the strange too and Aretha was right up his alley. Before anything could happen Aunt Lilly came in and caught us. So Uncle Herman had to cover it up. Aunt Lilly was half drunk so he took her by the hand and went into the bedroom to throw her a fuck. They went at it hammer and tongs. Hoof and fang. There was screaming and moaning and all kinds of noise. We were laughing our asses off. The whole thing came to a climax and we heard Aunt Lily scream out "OH HERMIE YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE AN UNNATURAL WOMAN!"
I never saw Aretha again after that. I wonder why.
5 comments:
You ain't right.
Well now, that was a long way from start to finish.
Under the topic of different ways to be commemorated, your name still bobs to the surface and floats around in the comment pool at Althouse from time to time. Where the water is less than fresh if you catch my drift. Still and all there are worse ways to be remembered and recollected as those brought to mind here might attest.
Lily's looking like Malory Archer.
Which is one hell of a stretch.
I worked a case in LA last week. I contacted blake prior to going out in hopes we could meet. But I was working day and night and didn't get a chance. I've always liked blake. He responded w/ open arms. A good man.
Sightly related comment: a play about the three way relationship between Elia Kazan, Marilyn, and Arthur Miller has gotten very good reviews but apparently can't get enough backing to make it to Broadway because its cast lacks a big name star. The play is really about Kazan and Miller in the Joe McCarthy era when Kazan testified before HUAAC and named names, which ended his friendship with hard core commie Miller. And apparently, at least according to the review I read in the Post, Marilyn is thrown in just to spice things up, since both men bedded her. The thing that struck me is that, according to the reviewer at least, quality of a play means very little these days if there's no Name to lure the paying customers in.
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