I overheard the most excellent thing a few nights ago. Very early morning, actually.
A very clear masculine tenor voice shot through the dead stillness of the night. "Hey! You're not allowed to go in there."
A resident was protecting rented property. It's no business of a resident if a ne'er do well is trying to break into a door. The doors are always jimmied around here. They're constantly being replaced. Crackheads all over the place trying to break in. The resident could have easily called the police. But instead, he took matters of the immediate moment into his own hands.
That's testosterone for you, right there.
mumble mumble bumble gerk disten murf garble.
"Fine. I'll come down there and see for myself."
A voice like a bullet. An electric bolt. Piercing. Crystalline. Authoritative. I wouldn't want to mess with the guy.
It's like transactional analysis by Eric Berne. Remember that?
It's based on types of communication, parent, adult, child. When a parent speaks to a child and a child responds as a child to their parent, that is a good clear unfettered transaction. But when an adult speaks to another adult as a parent and the adult responds as adult to the parental voice then that is a crossed transaction. The back and forth is not parallel.
This was such a crossed transaction and it was a thing of beauty to behold. Overhearing it by my door being wide open to the city and to the summer.
Status interactions are similar. We create our status by the manner of our speech. In a bureaucracy it's how you control your fate. It can be used to explain where I failed. I didn't realize this until employees at the FRB sent me cards when it appeared that I wouldn't be around much longer. There were things they wanted to tell me before I was gone for good. They are extremely status-oriented. The bank examiners, all with masters degrees in finance and such serious dry mind-numbing things did not intermingle with entry-level employees or others without college degrees. They socialized and had lunch separately. Very cliquish.
I busted through all that. I sat with them at lunch and pulled out a NYT crossword and challenged their general knowledge. I conversed freely with all levels of management. I gave the janitors and low-level employees the same respect, the church-goers, the same regard as the pot smokers. I mingled and had fun with all of the races. One card-writer told me he marveled at that and admired it. (My mother wept when she read it.) Until then, after it was gone for me, I had no idea I was doing that. Ptahhotep's advice does not apply to me. Nor to the resident who shouted crisply at the intruder.
4 comments:
"he is one in difficulty, damaged, inferior"
Well, getting along with everyone is great, but realistically, executive's do have to learn how to deal with troublesome people, which doesn't necessarily mean firing them, it means getting productivity out of them even though they are troublesome. It's a very special skill. Which is why executives are paid the big bucks. It's a skill that is sure as heck beyond me.
I busted through all that. I sat with them at lunch and pulled out a NYT crossword and challenged their general knowledge. I conversed freely with all levels of management. I gave the janitors and low-level employees the same respect, the church-goers, the same regard as the pot smokers. I mingled and had fun with all of the races.
I've done this. It's fun and it works from a satellite position AS LONG AS authority from higher up is not topped, usurped, compromised or threatened. In my experience the closer one gets to the top of the chart in an organization or system, the less freedom there is to disregard hierarchy or mingle as one pleases, even if it is from the "true self". Dual relationship becomes an issue, but that doesn't mean respect, care, regard can't be shown or engaged in at all levels.
Earlier this week I was watching a video on leadership that fits here: https://www.lanterninc.net/single-post/2018/07/24/Leadership-Mistake-2-Your-Whisper-is-a-Shout
With this as the print version:
Leadership Mistake #2: When Your Whisper is a SHOUT July 24, 2018
Shane Hipps
Transcript:
A critical leadership lesson I learned occurred when I went from being the leader of a small team where I lead 6 people, to the leader of a very large organization of thousands.
I felt I was pretty natural to leadership and had a lot of confidence in my relational ability. So when I took on the role of leader of this much bigger organization, I did what I always did.
I went out and built relationships. I wanted to break up the rigidity of the hierarchy, and so I went and knocked on doors and had casual conversations with people at different levels.
I explored what was on their mind. I shared some of my ideas and thinking. Nothing was set in stone, I was just spitballing and brainstorming with the frontline.
In meetings I was informal, relational, and treated everyone like an equal.
Within a very short period of time, I got a lot of feedback that people didn’t trust me. They were concerned they had hired the wrong guy and my credibility was tanking fast.
It was a mentor and the chairman of a FORTUNE 100 company who took me aside and said. “Shane, one of the things you’ll need to learn about your role in a larger organization is that your whisper is a shout.”
You see I was guilty of the leadership trap of the “Megaphone Mouth.” In every conversation I had in that organization, it was as if a megaphone was strapped to my mouth.
Everything I said, by virtue of my role, responsibility got amplified in a big way. I had no idea that by being casual, informal, and friendly could lead to so much trouble.
I learned an important lesson
My whisper was a shout. It doesn’t matter if you have a small team or a large team. On some level this is true for all leaders.
Here’s what that means:
1. Every word you speak gets amplified by your role
2. The volume of the megaphone is set by the size of the team
3. Suggestions are received as directives
A few suggestions:
1. Be aware of the megaphone attached to your mouth.
When you think of it in these ways, you will naturally dial back your intensity and directness.
2. Choose your words carefully because they will echo.
People will repeat what you say in a system and not always accurately
3. Practice asking good questions and listen attentively.
You don’t always have to give your opinion. This gives space for others to feel they can contribute.
4. Make the most of the volume when you need it, use it clearly and loudly.
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