Monday, October 15, 2018

Your pizzas must be smaller or lose their toppings

England.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're all subjects, not citizens. You will be told what and how much you can eat. Because obviously you cannot figure it out for yourselves. It's all so much to handle.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

This happens naturally by giving control of your healthcare to government. Now you have government controlling your pizzas. As it must. They know where the problem lies.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Your all such an amusing lot on your little island. Imagining yourselves smarter than everyone else. This is what you want. This is what you've got. Government holding your hand through navigating all the tough choices in life. Like what to stick in your pie-hole.
Government plans to cap the calories in thousands of meals sold in restaurants and supermarkets.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Make pizzas yourself. But then you cannot do that effectively either because your government will control how much cheese you can buy, how much flour you can consume, how much total energy you can use in your kitchen, how much electricity and natural gas can flow through your wires and pipes how fast your blenders can spin, how hot your toaster can get, how long it can toast, how large your hobs can be, how many burners they can have, and how hot they can get.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Under the draft proposals, a standard pizza for one should contain no more than 928 calories - far less than many sold by takeaways, restaurants and shops.  And the recommendations suggest that a savoury pie should contain no more than 695 calories.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

More hilarity at the telegraph.

They needn't be told this since Brits are superior to everyone else in their minds, but you don't have to eat all your pizza at once.

A few days ago -- what is this Monday already? -- I made a delicious thick bacon and pineapple with jalapeƱo pizza, with outstanding cheddar cheese, my favorite type, and it was profoundly awesome. I feel like making another one right now. And I could. I have all the ingredients to do the job right. And it's easy as ... easy as ... it's easy as pie!

But only a pig would eat the thing all that at once. Even though it's irresistible.

I took three more days after the first day to consume it. Four days total.

And since it's so delicious, such an outstanding homemade pizza, made with advanced technique honed over decades,  you do not want to mess it up. Do not put your leftover pizza in the microwave.  It's too glorious for that. One minute in the microwave ruins it. Toughens the crust.

Rather, take the time and heat up your stove. Wrapped in aluminum foil or not, the oven will restore your pizza slice by slice individually to original glory in ten minutes and it will do that the 2nd day and the 3rd day and the 4th day as you finish your pizza like a sane person who doesn't need his government to guide his diet. A pizza that you made. From your favorite ingredients. Because you're a citizen and you can do whatever you want.
Earlier this week officials met with retailers, manufacturers, including Dominos’s pizza, Deliveroo, Just Eat, Macdonalds and KFC to discuss proposed “calorie caps” on thousands of popular foods.
British government is all up their biz-wax. And that's how they want it. Telling them how to eat.

2 comments:

edutcher said...

British cuisine, being what it are, could possibly use a little regulation, but touch my Tuscan 6 cheese and die.

Mumpsimus said...

No, in fact Brits do not think they're smarter or better than us. We, inexplicably, think they are smarter and better than us (and not even all of them, just the ones with upper-class accents). And then we get mad at them for it.