Jokes made by b3ta members. Nothing nicked. No isms allowed. So that will be jokes the kids made up themselves. Supposed to be anyway. They're known to cheat. It helps to accept the British locations and British prejudices and read them in British accent. There is a "pages" bar at the bottom, the page that you're on is not underlined.
* Although a transvestite friend of mine lives in Greater Manchester ... he also has a Wigan address.
* Psychologist: so, you often get the urge to stand onstage? me: yes, but I'd never act on it.
* * An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar
and the barman says "what'll it be gents"
Englishman - 'I'll have a pint of fisted goblin, 4.6 ABV, golden colour with citrus undertones"
Irishman - "I'll have a pint of Guinness and a Bushmills chaser"
Scotsman - "I'll have a er...erm...a lime and soda"
Toby and Patrick both turn to Hamish and say "you'll have what?"
Hamish - "Sorry, what were you expecting? Just because I am from Scotland you expect me to be some stereotype drunken scot? Are you expecting me to order Tenants super and a bottle of buckfast just to live up to an outdated and untrue image of the Scots as alcoholics? Shame on you. For your information I like lime and soda. Also I am skint at the moment as I spent all my dole money on smack."
* Why did John Lennon sing, "I am the Eggman"?
Because he married Yolko Ono.
(sorry)
* My scouse uncle does greengrocery deliveries in Shoreditch
He doesn't have a van.
He does avocado.
* I was in a convent garden when I interrupted a lady talking about Jesus to ask about her large gardening scissors.
It was a nun-secateur.
[secateur: mainly British a small pair of shears for pruning]
* Contrary to popular belief, Stephen Hawking wasn't a theoretical physicist.
He was real.
* A horse wearing a disproportionately tall version of a red felt hat popularized during the Ottoman Empire walks into a bar.
The barman pauses for purposes of comedic timing, then asks;
"Why the long fez?"
* The police have just arrested some campers.
They were loitering within tent.
* What do you get when cheese explodes?
De Brie.
And very many more.
4 comments:
We are not amused. Except for the Hawkings one.
"Avocado" - oh, I get it - he does "have a car, though". They talk funny over there.
A Wigan address. Not bad. C+.
Since those in The Lem Collective (assuming it's that grouping and not the We Women crowd) have different forms of humor, smiles happen in different places depending on perspective, as the poem below attests.
Lady and the Crocodile
She sailed away
On a sunny summer day,
On the back of a crocodile.
"You see," said she,
"He's as tame as tame can be,
I'll ride him down down the Nile."
The croc winked his eye
As she bade them all goodbye,
Wearing a happy smile.
At the end of the ride,
The lady was inside,
And the smile
Was on the crocodile!
Case in point, I smiled at the thought of "That's a crock!" as a fun rejoinder to the love burst expressed for a Miss Identified Alligator in an earlier post.
Humor is strange, almost as two faced as teasing, which can also go in different and opposite directions.
Post a Comment