Everybody Loves Shamsky

Dear Julia Salazar

You don't know me but I have been where you are today baby. I was married to that lowlife Art Shamsky who was a big Met Star just like your boyfriend that coke head Keith Hernandez. He did me wrong just like Keith did you wrong.

You see Art promised me a life of champagne wishes and caviler dreams. Instead I got Yooho and Ring Dings. He dropped me like a hot potato after I found out he was molesting my dog. My life has never been the same.

I bet you are feeling abandoned too. I know you are running for State Senate but that is no substitute for a normal life. Look at the Governors race. You have that criminal Fredo Cuomo running against Dick=less Nixon the muff diver. Politics is a prescription for sexual dysfunction. It is almost as bad as baseball.

I mean look at the Mets history. They have nothing but perverts and rapists on their team. Rusty Staub used to molest the bat boys. Cleon Jones used to have sex with crack whores in a van outside the field in Spring Training. Ron Swoboda loved to have hookers pee on him. Dwight Gooden would gang bang David Cones ex girlfriends with everyone in the crack house. Even the GM's like Steve Philips would screw the Crack of Dawn. So why would Keith Hernandez be any different. You had the right idea when you tried to make some coin from his wife's bank account. Your mistake was in getting caught. Nobody every believed me. Even when I photos of Art sucking on my puppies nipples. You see everybody loved Shamsky.

You should have tried to date a Yankee. The worst that could happen is that Jeter would give you herpes.

I had my own problems with the law but now I am all reformed and an upright citizen. The thing is once you are in the news it is hard to meet someone nice. So I am all alone tonight when it is Rush-a-Homa and I am reduced to rubbing honey on my monkey so my doggie would lick it off. Plus I am going to have another use for that loaf of Challah bread. I just have to wait for it to get stale and hard.

So Julia I want you to call me to talk. The women who were screwed over by the Mets organization have to stick together. Maybe you can meet with me and my friend Brooke and we can compare notes.

Your pal,
Kim Shamsky