Dear Serena Williams

Dear Serena Williams,

You don't know me but you might my ex-husband John McEnroe. My name is Tatum O'Neil and you might have heard of me. I was a actress for a while. I even won an Oscar before I had hair on my pussy. So I know a little about fame and tennis and how fucked up this world can be.

I see where you got bent out of shape by that half a chink girl beating your cat suit off at the open. Hey why did you dress like that anyway. I mean if I had an ass as big as yours I wouldn't want to call attention to it. I mean you have the big black girl booty I don't give a shit how many steroids you take.

Now I know you got pissed that the umpire tried to make you obey the rules. Girl you got to realize that the rules are there for a reason. I know because I broke everyone of them. I did drugs and fucked guys and screwed up my marriage, career and life beyond repair. I had it all once and I threw it away. Because I was angry.


You see I got it all fast. An Oscar before my first period. Starring in Movies. I even dated Michael Jackson before he realized he liked boys. Well I looked like a boy then so maybe that is understandable. I was living the life in the fast lane. Then I met John and started to be involved in the tennis world.

We got married and I went with him in all of the tournaments and all of the tennis bullshit. I know that John pissed you off by saying you were the 750th best tennis player in the world. He told me I was the 750th best fuck he ever had. Its no wonder I turned to the crack pipe.

Look women just can't compete with men in sports. There is nothing to be ashamed about. You would never be able to play a man even. Look you just lost to a half a chink, When do those slant eyed fuckers ever win in sports except at those gay Olympic sports like Ice Skating or Ping Pong.

I know you are angry. Mad about you stupid father you controlled your life. I really know how that goes. My stupid father got me in the movies and pimped me out to executives so he could get roles. This MeToo shit is old news to me. You can't allow how your Dad fucked you up ruin the rest of your life. Trust me I have been there. I mean look at me. I fell so far I had to blow Dennis Leary to get a bit part on a cable show.

So you lost this match. Be the bigger woman. I mean you are already a bigger woman. Maybe if you lost a few pounds you wouldn't have lost to a  slope.  Just grit you teeth and smile and get her next time. You know the Chinks. Half an hour later they are ready to lose again.

Anyway let me know if you want to go kick the shit out of John. I am down for that girlfriend. Give me a call and we can talk.

Your pal,
Tatum