Thursday, June 1, 2017

"What movie should never have been made?"

Reddit top voted...

The Mask 2, son of mask.

S. Darko

Dragonball Evolution

Gigli is so bad it never even makes it to these threads.

Fantastic 4 (2015)

The Emoji Movie

Cat Woman.

After Earth.

Highlander 2


Sixty Grit said...

Every movie shown on MST3K.

bagoh20 said...

Debbie Does Dallas Again

Sometimes an artist just needs to drop the mic and walk away after their magnum opus, leaving us mortals to imagine what else they could have done.

Trooper York said...

A League of Their Own.

There are no lesbians in baseball.

Well except for the Red Sox.

edutcher said...

Anything less than 20 years old.

Certainly the latest Lone Ranger.

Chip Ahoy said...

I don't know. Because I haven't watched any movies that shouldn't have been made.

But I have another related insight.

Television shows are written my women haters.

Apparently, assessing by the dialogue they write for them, writers have only been terribly annoyed by women and can imagine only the lowest impulses for them and the most incredibly annoying fixations and dialogue.

I'm binge watching NCIS and Bones. The only thing women are interested in is who's fucking whom in the office. All their office activities are mixed with Eve-syndrome type sexual predation. Everything is sex-mixed. All their conversation is annoying as shit.

It's positively cringe-worthy. Mute must be employed generously through entire scenes. See the character, boom, mute. So the show is displayed like this

mute, unmute, mute, unmute, mute, unmute, mute, unmute, mute, unmute, mute, unmute, mute, unmute, mute, unmute,

And so on. To eliminate the piss-poor unimaginative writing imparted to women roles.

Bones is not much better. Sure, the chief characters are geniuses in love with their work. While the dialogue given the female lead is just so on the nose. "I AM a genius."

This occurs every show. Geniuses are smart enough not to talk like that. They don't have to vocalize their status when they're living it. News for Hollywood writers: even women geniuses.

Yesterday an NCIS episode had Lily Tomlin on and I go, "oh goodie! I love her. This is going to be good." But she was provided the absolute worst dialogue ever written for a comedian doing drama. All the stereotypical negative traits assigned to women are present in her dialogue and her character. And I visualize some horrible little dick faggot who comprehends only devious qualities he sees in women and imagining that the full range, doing his best to make them seem intriguing based on the only thing he knows of them and that all turns out to be rather negative.

The NCIS I'm on now has the ex-wife of the main guy written as total uncompromising bitch with only sinister characteristics. She asks for help and then denigrates along time-worn raggedy lines. While another new female character behaving ridiculously overly butch. And the regular females are either slobbering emotion or nit-picking every word.

Writers being all gay explains all of that. The hostility is simmering.

And the thought of the freakishly narrow minded writers making 10X more income for this garbage than I ever did just flat pisses me off.

If there is any justice in this world then these writers collectively would be forced by the state to date normal regular women the way cities and states use the force of law to inculcate diversity on resistant business owners.

And until that I'll just have to suffer horrible dialogue provided female actors. I'm certain over time they come to detest their roles no matter what else they say about their pleasure in playing them.

Check it out. You will note my objections.

Anyone of us here can write better female dialogue.

Rabel said...

The Penelope Papers

ndspinelli said...

Quintet. I HATE Robert Altman. One of only a handful of flicks I walked out.

Amartel said...

There is so much enthusiastic self-regard of Robert Altman in Robert Altman movies (excuse me, FILMS) and varying degrees of contempt for everyone else. It's always all about Robert Altman. The only Robert Altman movie that I kind of liked was The Player but then that's about his paddling pool so he's entitled and competent to piss in it. The worst one was the one about the horrible prairie hackosaurus on NPR who I also can't stand for similar reasons.

Amartel said...

I liked A League of Their Own.
Good story with some great lines. Hanks at his best. Madonna and Rosie O'Donnell were actually likeable which proves they have some acting talent. Geena Davis was great. Lots of really excellent supporting players.

Amartel said...

Star Wars I, II, and III. I haven't seen the latest batch but I suspect the should probably should have just left things where they were after VI, too.
Grease II: The Horror. Mistake.

Amartel said...

Also, I think they did a sequel to Saturday Night Fever which involved a lot of aspirational dancing in spandex which led to an furious early exit from the theater (misled. MISLED!) and an extended visit to the Martel family vomitorium.

Trooper York said...

The Scientology movie with John Travolta dressed like a Klingon.

Trooper York said...

Anything with Amy Schumer.

Unless she makes a snuff film and is the victim.

I would pay to see that.

ricpic said...

I always thought that Jane Russell was overrated. Which leads that Howard Hughes movie that Scorsese made with DiCaprio was a stinker. Come to think of it anything with DiCaprio........

Anyway how excited can you get about any film after your early twenties? It's a deeply juvenile form. A jejune form. Jejune is a great word.

Which is why all "deep" films are essentially embarrassing. Anything by Antonioni. Anything by Bergman for that matter. Shoulda never been made.

Sixty Grit said...

The Aviator was a great movie. I have watched it several times, have read about Hughes and thought it was thoroughly entertaining. The scene where the transmission in his starboard counter-rotating props locks up and he crashes into the BH golf club was very impressive.

He truly was an aviator.

Also, since I spend a lot of time looking at and photographing clouds I like the fact that Howard finally figured out that one needs a point of reference in order to depict the speed of aircraft was a classic scene.

However, we do agree on Bergman - I watched one about some Swedish mook travelling from point A to point B - yeah, mix in chess match with Death and it might have been something.

Which reminds me - how about any Woody Allen movie after Manhattan? Or would Annie Hall be a better dividing line? Either way, he needn't have bothered.

Leland said...

I'm with ricpic on Aviator. I wanted to see it, because I'm a Howard Hughes fan. I took three sittings to get through it all, and when I was done; I realized it would have been better if I quit watching after the BH golf club crash. I'll agree with Sixty on one thing, the scene about making the movie was good, but then that should be an easy scene for movie makers to portray.

Sixty Grit said...

The scene where Hughes whoops the lying congress critter in front of God and the press was priceless. Hughes was a fighter and any time a character played by Alan Alda gets his butt handed to him, that is, indeed, a good thing.

Come to think of it, Hughes beat up Alec Baldwin, too. That's yet another bonus.

William said...

Any movie that you've actually seen was not a total flop from the studio's point of view because it generated enough interest for you to part with your money or time. I take comfort in the fact that I never saw Ghostbusters II. I did, however, see the Lone Ranger. I join eddutcher in condemning that stinking pile of crap. It wasn't just that it was bad , but that it was antagonistic to the whole concept of the Lone Ranger. Kathy Griffin didn't play Tonto's love interest only because she was committed to other projects. The only plus side to the movie was that it kept me from seeing that remake of The Magnificent Seven...... I was hoping that Ben Affleck's recent Batman movie would cure me of my addiction to superhero movies, but it wasn't quite bad enough. Maybe next one.