Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Ho,Ho,Ho......you ho's!

So things are tight going into the Holiday season. Windbag and other small businessmen can tell you that business is epically bad and people don't want to spend money. The election has freaked everyone out.  We have to think up things to get people into the store to pump our holiday sales. We restocked and redecorated and merchandised. We ordered new gifty type thingy's. We put out flyers and emails and instagrams. But then the wife  had a brainstorm.

She wants me to dress up as Santa.

You see the neighborhood has become all about kids. There is an incredible baby boom. All of these rich people have moved in and bought up the brownstones and had kids. They are generally older couples or an older guy with a younger wife. We have been selling nursing bras and maternity stuff like it was going out of style. So we want to cater to young kid and the families.

It is just that I am not the guy to play Santa. Yeah, yeah I know I am fat. Not as fat as I was but fat enough. But I had to agree because we need to do something. We made a connection with this local photographer who is advertising in the store. She does boudoir photos. You know sexy photos for girls to give their guys. We sell the lingerie and she takes the photos and give a discount. So we are going to see if she can take the photos with Santa.

The thing is if I am going to do it I have to be a traditional Santa because I am a traditional kind of guy. So I am going to be like the Santa at A&S when I was a kid. I am not going to shower. I will be nipping from a pint of Four Roses. And I demand a black midget elf. It is not negotiable.

It is going to be an interesting Holiday Season.


Trooper York said...

It can't all be about the election.

edutcher said...

Sounds like you're running for Grinch.

ricpic said...

Do the lovely ladies get to sit on Santa's lap?