Diamonds are a girls best friend

Toot’s Shor's Saloon, October  28, 1959 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: She’s in the back with some French faggot that she is making a movie with.  I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello. (Joe brushes by him without a word and walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? This is my friend Yves. He’s French. We made a movie together. Sit down and have a drink with us. (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a tuna fish sandwich left out in the sun)

Yves Montand: Bonjour Mr. Dimaggio. (Yves sticks out his hand and Joe looks at it. He ignores it like it was a dead fish. Humiliated the Frenchmen sits down and pulls out a cigarette)

Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? Yves and me have been having sex Joe. Lots of sex. You know he even knocked me up. That’s right. He got me pregnant. You couldn’t do that with your useless guinea needle dick.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: You can’t say that keed. Whaz da matta with you. You want Joe to pulverize this frenchy? (Yves Montard is not following the conversation too well. He just know the energy is bad. So he makes like a mime)
Marilyn: Shut up Toots. Joe needs to know what a useless fuck he is. Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. Joe divorced me because I couldn’t give him a baby. And that I fucked everyone. But that wasn’t my fault. That was how you get a job in Hollywood.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear this shit. You life is your life but he don't wanna hear this. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? Yves treats me right. He loves me Joe. Not like you. Even though I lost the baby he still comes around. Not like you you guinea fuck.

(Yves get more and more perturbed as Marilyn gets more excited. He puts his hand on her leg and she swats it away. Joe looks at that and his eyes narrow. Yves starts to sweat like there were Germans in the room)
Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: You believe me Joe, don’t you? You believe me when I tell you that you were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow. I fucked them all. I sucked them all.  But only Yves could give me a baby. YOU COULDN'T DO THAT COULD YOU?  WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed as she continually queefs out to the tune of La Mareillaise)

Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse grabs Yves hand and they storm out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me Frankie Carbo on the blower. Right now.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. That fanoik is a big deal actor. You can’t touch him.

 Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, June 19, 1962 (Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know. I know you saw her last week but I hope you can keep it calm and not upset the rest of my customers.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.

(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear and she smells like a halibut)
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid. Why wouldn’t he. You’re his girl.
Marilyn: I’m his girl? Shut up you dumb sheeny. Joe has a bunch of girls. So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I hear you have been banging Durocher’s ex. I divorced Artie you know. I know I told you that already. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah we heard about that keed. That’s a shame.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. Arthur used to make me go to literary parties where he sat around with all writers and playwrights. Most of them were fags but still some of them wanted to fuck me Joe. Everybody wants to fuck me. Or at least get a blow job. Artie used to make me pour drinks and let these jerks rub up on me. Even that fag Tennessee Williams tried to put his puny pecker in my mouth. It was horrible Joe.

Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Don't talk like that Keed. Joe don't want to hear about this shit. Your life is your life but he don't wanna hear this stuff. Everybody knows what you do. Show some respect.
Marilyn: Show some respect? What are you talking about you stupid Kike bastard. Nobody shows me any fucking respect. I am just a fuck toy. They just want to fuck me. And you know what Joe? They all fucked me. Ever since you left me I banged all of them. Even the faggots. Tennessee Williams. Eddie Albee. Faulkner. That Hemingway prick that couldn’t get it up. Artie even let Albert Einstein lick my snatch. They all used me Joe. Because you let me go. Why did you do that Joe? Why?

Toots: Ok keed, you poor dumb snatch don’t get excited.
Marilyn: (started to get angry as she began to queef and sounded like a mallard getting gang banged) You believe me Joe, don’t you? You know you were just one among many of the nasty pricks I had to swallow in my miserable fucking life. I fucked them all.   WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT YOU GUINEA COCKSUCKER. (Marilyn red faced and frantic suddenly flips from manic to depressed)
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn:  Still nothing to say…well screw you…you sad guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe in a half-hearted way, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe. Here's a towel.
Joe DiMaggio: Tennessee Williams banged my wife. Call Frankie Carbo and tell him I want to talk to the Gallo boys.
Toots Shor: Joe com'on you don't want to do that. These are fancy people Joe. They got pull. You just can’t whack them out.

 Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

Diamonds are a girls best friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, August 1, 1962(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)

Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…just so you know.

Joe DiMaggio:

Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)

Marilyn: ( stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear She begins to queef quietly, just barely audible over the sounds of the bar)

Joe DiMaggio:

Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend.....the Original Series

Toot’s Shors Saloon, May 16, 1962(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last time, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear )
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? I divorced Artie. That bastard. He put me in nut house. A nut house Joe.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah I heard about that keed. That’s a shame.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. It’s just that all my old friends have dropped me. Sinatra won’t return my calls. Dean Martin is nice and all but he has no time for me. Even Jack Kennedy won’t let me blow him and he would take a blow job from Helen Thomas for Christ sake and she looks like Fred Flintstone. Why does everyone hate me Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: