Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order
(Babylon Bee April 12. 2020)
JERUSALEM—Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus ofNazareth for violating the Empire's clear "stay in tomb" order. After crucifying him and laying him in the tomb, Roman guards put Him under strict orders to stay there and not come back, rising victorious over sin and death.
But Jesus, answering to a higher authority, refused to stay dead and busted out of the tomb, establishing a kingdom that would never end -- again, in clear violation of the government's orders.
"Jesus is a dangerous rebel, refusing to bend the knee to Caesar and not abiding by the law of sin and death," said one Roman official. "He clearly broke the law by leaving the tomb, and we're going to be issuing a citation and placing him under mandatory quarantine for these crimes."
After coming into contact with many large groups over the course of approximately 40 days, Jesus ascended into heaven and is currently thought to be reigning on high.
Authorities are also investigating Him for planning to gather with a large multitude of every tribe, tongue, and nation. He says he currently has no plans to obey any earthly king on the matter, pressing ahead with the gathering of those who believe He died and rose again and trust Him alone for their salvation.
13 comments:
The Babylon Bee is what The Onion was at first. The Onion originated in liberal Madison but took shots @ liberals. They morphed into pussies.
Pestilence, check. Famine, check. Plague, check. Earthquake, check. I'm noticing a theme developing.
I have been through them all - and now I am tougher than ever. Bring it on!
As one who goes about rescuing fallen matter from decay and the flames, to give it new form and life, here's hoping you'll be counted among the righteous and granted a passover, Sixty G.
With Big Wind passing through MI today, and reports of 40 tornados swirling through the South on Easter Sunday, and more storms moving through the Carolinas and mid-Atlantic states today, there's another check to add to the list deborah presented.
While that comment brought up thoughts of Revelation, the recent storms and death by virus that continues to move from one hospital bed to the next in affected cities, brought together thoughts of Moses, and Elijah, referenced earlier as one who expressed the "I and I only" feeling that can accompany isolation, threat of death, and loss of hope.
The Elijah story includes strong winds and the question all answer with their own life: "What are you doing here, _________?"
And there he went into a cave, and spent the night in that place; and behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
So he said, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”
Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
We had strong winds here today - only straight line winds in my neighborhood, with some teensy weensy twisters about 6 miles away. My phone was blowing up with tornado warnings, but we were spared any real drama.
Then the storm blew away and we had a day with clear blue skies and puffy white clouds.
As to why I am here? So far the answer has been "to work". As I approach my allotted three score and ten and if by reason of strength I approach four score, well, there you go. More work for me!
That is the only answer that has showed up for me, and for now, it is sufficient unto the day.
A Mighty Wind? I hope Mitch and Mickey get back together again.
Off topic, but is anyone seeing the upcoming battle between Gavin Newsom and the Trump family? Newsom will soon be credited with the California COVID "miracle." Dems will try to launch him presidential (he's a Willie Brown protege much like Kamala Davis...err, Harris). Thing is, Newsom and Donald Trump, Jr. have something in common. I can think of two good reasons to have a closer look.
More shitty weather here. I spent some time in the obligatory Wartschlange,* trying to get into Trader Joes and then trying to get out of Costco.
_______________
*Literally "waiting snake" which is much more literal than queue.
Waiting snake - yep - good one. I have a saying for what I went through at Whole Paycheck the other day, but good sense prevents me from mentioning it in polite company.
We know that Kamala likes Willie, but what's up with Noisome and Junior? I have successfully ignored both of them up to this point.
And yes, ND, I almost wrote "mighty wind" but refrained. That was a funny movie, and since I lived through the great folk scare I got a kick out of it. Ed Begley's character cracked me up.
Thing is, Newsom and Donald Trump, Jr. have something in common. I can think of two good reasons to have a closer look.
This sounds like a call for a wedding of the locally used Whose That Girl style of posting with the equally infamous Let's Take a Closer Look type of post from another circle.
With guile possible in the pair sharing something in common along with the potential for foiling, reduced in essence to two guys and a girl getting serious and fooling around at same time, with one who enjoyed taking two or three if not five.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2019/03/15/gavin-newsom-muses-on-kimberly-guilfoyle-dating-donald-trump-jr/ published March 15, 2019
This from a year ago: As for Newsom’s ties to Guilfoyle, they were married from 2001 to 2006 when he was the progressive mayor of San Francisco and a rising star in state and national Democratic politics.
After they divorced, the telegenic Guilfoyle, a former San Francisco prosecutor, headed to New York to first become a legal analyst and then a popular TV personality for right-leaning Fox News. She left Fox News this past summer, shortly after she and Trump Jr., 41, went public with their romance. She also became vice chairwoman of the pro-Trump SuperPAC America First Action.
With Trump Jr., Guilfoyle has clearly found her ideological soulmate and become a fierce supporter of the president’s MAGA policies. Guilfoyle also has become almost a member of the Trump family, joining the president and first lady Melania Trump at White House holiday celebrations.
With guile possible in the pair sharing something in common along with the potential for foiling, reduced in essence to two guys and a girl getting serious and fooling around at same time, with one who enjoyed taking two or three if not five.
That's perfect!
Gavin Newsom mostly keeps his hair slicked back with product. But occasionally some gets loose and he sports a greasy forelock ala Clark Gable. Watch him use this to make ladies swoon.
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