Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts

Sunday, April 12, 2020

Latest from the Babylon Bee


Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order
(Babylon Bee April 12. 2020)

JERUSALEM—Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus ofNazareth for violating the Empire's clear "stay in tomb" order. After crucifying him and laying him in the tomb, Roman guards put Him under strict orders to stay there and not come back, rising victorious over sin and death.
But Jesus, answering to a higher authority, refused to stay dead and busted out of the tomb, establishing a kingdom that would never end -- again, in clear violation of the government's orders.
"Jesus is a dangerous rebel, refusing to bend the knee to Caesar and not abiding by the law of sin and death," said one Roman official. "He clearly broke the law by leaving the tomb, and we're going to be issuing a citation and placing him under mandatory quarantine for these crimes."
After coming into contact with many large groups over the course of approximately 40 days, Jesus ascended into heaven and is currently thought to be reigning on high.
Authorities are also investigating Him for planning to gather with a large multitude of every tribe, tongue, and nation. He says he currently has no plans to obey any earthly king on the matter, pressing ahead with the gathering of those who believe He died and rose again and trust Him alone for their salvation.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter!


Happy Easter. I know nobody mentioned it so far today but I put it down to everyone being busy with actual Easter Sunday Activities.

We did the normal. Went to Church. Came home and prepared an Easter Meal. We couldn’t go out to Long Island to see the Family. We had done that last weekend for Palm Sunday and it took a lot out of us. The whole family got together and most of them are with their in-laws today. So we took a quiet Sunday at home.

I remember how it used to be. The whole family would gather at my Grandmother’s house on Henry Street. She would prepare a feast. Ravioli. Meatballs and sausage. Lamb and roast potatoes. All kinds of delicious pastries from the local bakeries. It was a feast.

Every year one of the local butchers ran a promotion. If you bought a certain amount you got a free chick. Yes that’s right a baby chicken. Some of them were dyed different colors like they came out of the Easter Egg that way. Now it was a sad situation for most of those poor birds. The kids played with them but were often rough and they didn’t last long. Mr. Joe next store would buy them off of some of the kids and put them in his back yard. You see he kept chickens and some of them would grow up for the pot. One year my cousin Anthony and I decided we were going to set them free. We had just seen the new Movie “Born Free” on TV so we became budding conservationists. So we opened the window on the Parlor floor front Bedroom and put them on the ledge so they could fly away and be free. It didn’t work out so well. For the birds and for us when our parents found out we had done.
All of that kind of stuff went by the wayside long ago.

I took a nostalgia tour yesterday. I went to a local coffee shop that my friends run. A huge new joint has opened across the street. It is full of hipsters as it roast its own coffee and is the latest thing. So it is going to drive my buddy out of business. Some of the local guys showed up to show the flag but all of the trendoids will be going to the new joint. I can't go there because I have to be loyal to my friends. So I got a couple of coffees and some gluten free scones and wished them the best. 

Then I went past about seven stores that were empty or had new business devoted to children or pets. The deli is a doggie day care. The dry goods variety store is a child care joint. The only place that was hopping was the vegetable were all the local hipsters were buying one potatoes and one carrot for their Easter feast. How anybody is going to stay in business is beyond me.

I went to Mastelone’s bakery later in the day to get a tea and buy a raffle ticket. Every year they raffle off a giant chocolate Easter Egg that weighs about thirty pounds. I busted their balls all year about the fact that I didn’t win. The father and mother. The daughter when I was buying cannolis. The son when we ran into him at Rite Aid the night before. I actually didn’t plan to buy a ticket. But every time I ran into the father he would ask me if I bought one. He has been out front a lot more recently. What really surprised me was how empty the bakeries were this past Palm Sunday. It used to be that the line would go out the door. But at 11am on Palm Sunday there were only three people ahead of me. All my age or older. No young people buying cakes or pies. This is the Holiday where he makes the most money along with Christmas. Easter is a money maker with the grain pies and pastries and lambs made out of marzipan cheese. Nobody has bought one as of noon today. They were lined up like broken down B-17’s in “The Best Years of Our Lives.” So since he was so morose and worried I bought a couple tickets.  A funny thing happened.

I won.

So now I have a thirty pound chocolate egg that we can’t eat. It is not gluten free so the wife can't have any and I shouldn’t eat it because of my heart. Luckily it is Easter break and the nieces and nephews are coming for a visit tomorrow so I will give it to them.


I just hope they don’t throw out the window.