The Babe Abides

 

"Simle for the camera Babe!" 

"You too babe. Smile and look nice and later I will show you the shark."

"The shark? Why whatever do you mean sir."

"Wait and see babe. Wait and see."

The Babe abides

 “Babe? What the fuck?”

“Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to not persist in them.”

“I mean I ate a salad once.”

The Babe Abides

"I thought this was my girlfriend's house?"

 

The Babe Abides

"Ok Toots just relax. Get a firm grip on the wood now."

"Yes, Babe I love to have my hands on some firm wood."

"I love to hear that sweet cheeks. let's get this over with and we can go up to my room."

"Sounds good my Sultan."\

"Oh baby it is gonna be another home rum!"

 

The Babe Abides!

 

“Hey Fadda long time no see.”

“I have been reading about your exploits George. I am very disappointed.”

“See! Nothings changed.”

The Babe Abides

"Hey Babe don't point that thing at me unless you are gonna use it."

"That's what Dale said last night."

"What?"

"Never mind. I just want some burgers. We are going to you new restaurant and grab about twenty burgers or I am gonna shoot your tassels off cowboy."

"No problem Babe. I would be happy to set you up. I could eat a horse."

"Again. That's what Dale said. Enough bullshit. I want to get the feedbag on."

 

The Babe Abides

 

"Okay keed put it right over the plate."

"I don't think this is right somehow Babe."

"Never mind keed just sock it in there. The people are going to love it."

"If you say so Babe. Hey maybe we can get them to film it and sell tickets."

"That's the plan keed. That's the plan."

The Babe Abides....Batting Practice...with Lou Too!

Two days to pitchers and catchers.

The Babe Abides

 "Say Babe you seem pensive. What's the matter?"

"I ain't no pencil. I am just a little down."

"Why's that Babe? Are you joining the House of David baseball team? That's why the beard?"

"Nah I ain't no hebe jebie. It was that broad last night. She was an Eyetalian and she had a very hariy pussy. This is all pubes and they got stuck on my face is all. They don't want to come off."

"Holy cow Babe that's impressive."

"Yeah keed. That's why they call me the Sultan of Twat."

The Babe Abides

"Ok fella's squeeze in to the photo."

"Hey Babe we are gonna take another photo sitting on a beam at the construction site of the Empire State Building. Wanna be in that picture?"

"Sorry keed I'm too fat for that.'

The Babe Abides

"Here you go Babe. This is the new device that you use to stop your girlfriends from getting knocked up."

"It looks like a horse shoe keed."

"It is. Just insert it in your ladies cooter and it will block your man goo from giving her a baby.

"But it looks so big. Will it fit."

"Sure it will Babe. Everybody says Claire is the biggest cunt in New York."

"You got me there. Thanks kid. I owe you one,"
 

WKRLEM: The Natural

In this scene from the film Roy Hobbs strikes out the Whammer who is an obvious stand in for the Babe. There are many legends of the Babe being struck out by this guy or that guy when he barnstormed across America to make money between baseball seasons. They are all bullshit. Don't get me wrong. They might have struck out the Babe buy he might have been drunk or hung over or his penis might have been burning because of his ninety seventh case of the clap that year. So they might have got him here or there but there is one thing that you can't ever forget.

There was only one Babe.

The story of the Natural was based on an actual case of the Eddie Waitkus who was shot by a deranged female fan on June 14, 1949. She lured him up to her hotel room by leaving a note pretending to be a high school girlfriend. He survived and played again for the Phillies and Orioles but he never was what he once was before he got shot. He later died of throat cancer from all the cigarettes he had smoked.

Bernard Malamud stole his life for the story behind the Natural. He never got a dime for it.

The Babe Abides

 "Hiya Keed. You got a good grip on the ball there. There is nothing I like more than a woman that likes to play with balls."

"Oh Mr. Ruth I am not that kind of girl."

"Common Keed. You are all the kind of girl. After you finish filming why don't you come up to my room. I will order a couple of dozen hot dogs and a gallon of gin and we can see what you can do with two balls instead of one. You look like a Natural."

The Babe Abides

 "Time to go on the field Babe."

"Be whicha in a minute keed. I just want to sit a minute."

"No problem Babe. The fans are waiting is all. Everybody loves you."

"I know keed I know. That's the problem. That's always been the problem."

The Babe Abides

"Hey let me feel your muscle there keed."
"Thanks Babe. You know you are my hero. I joined the woman's baseball league because of you."
"Really keed. That's nice. Say what's your name?"
"Why it's Rachel Maddow. Some day I will be able to tell my great grandchildren about this."
"Why don't you come back to my room with a couple of your teammates and I will really give you something to tell them. I will get room service and we will have a fine old time."
"That' great Babe. Make sure you order some fish tacos. That's all I eat."
"Ok keed you betcha."

The Babe abides

"Hey Babe hows the Hot Dog?"
"Ummm uggle umm."
"Looks good. Hey how many have you had? Twenty? Jeeez Babe ya gotta be kidding me. You are gonna get sick."
"Egggree umm slurp slurp."
"I know you can handle it. Still you might take it easy. You don't want to end up with a heart condition where you can't eat any dogs anymore. That would suck."

The Babe Abides

"We are here with the pitching sensation of the Boston Red Sox the one and only Babe Ruth. Babe how do you think the Sox are going to do in this early going of the 1918 season?"
"Why we are going to the Series keed waddaya think?"
"Well it seems that the Yankees have a good team as do the Tigers so do you really think the Sox can get to the Series?"
"Of course we can whats the matter with you? Are you retarded or something?"
"Babe several of the fellas have been down with the flu in Spring Training. Do you think that will effect the team this season/"
"What a little flu? Why would that be a problem? What are we pussies? I once played the whole season with the clap and my pecker was oozing like a tube of Peposdent that I stepped on when I was fucking that whore on the bathroom sink. A little flu never meant nothing. Besides I hear only them spics get it."
"Thanks Babe for your time."
"Get that to editing. They might have to slice it up a little. Achoo. Damn I think I have an allergy to pine tar or something.."

The Babe Abides

"So keed I hear you are going to help me with my autobiography?"
"That's right Mister Ruth. I am your ghost writer."
"Well that explains the sheet. I don't like to hang around with people who wear sheets. Fuckin' Ty Cobb is always wearing his when he was smacking around the nigra clubhouse attendants. Plus why did you cover all of your face except for that stupid freaking mustache?"
"It's a family heirloom. I am going to leave to my grandson so he can wear it some day. He is going to be a famous writer too!"
"Sure thing keed. Let's get started."

The Babe Abides

"Babe I want to introduce you to Professor Abraham Erskine who has invented a new Super Serum. He has created the Super Hot Dog."
"Hello Mr. Babe it is great to meet you."
"Hey you sound like a Kraut. Are you a Kraut? I am half Kraut."
"I am German Ya. I want you to sample my new Super Dog. The biggest hot dog in the world."
"I thought that was Ty Cobb? All right I will give it a try."
"Hold it above your head Babe we want to get a picture."
"Sure Keed. Hey Kraut get me some kraut. And mustard."
"Sure thing Babe."

The Babe Abides

"Smile for the camera there Suzie Wong."
"Me Japanese not Chinese Mr Babe-san."
"I dom't care kid as long as you ain't slanty where it counts."
"You funny Mr Babe-san. You come back to my pagoda and I show you what is under my kimono."
"Oh baby that sounds great. I fell in love with a slant-eyed lady by the light of an eastern moon,,,,,hey that sounds like a song. Lets go keed. And bring a couple of your friends, I think in a half an hour I am going to be horny again."