I remember when I got my first computer I saved countless articles to read later to my desktop until it was all filled up like decorations on a Christmas tree.
They've been lying to me. Lying deliberately, intentionally and with bad intent. All these many years, I suspected but I had no evidence. But now I've proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic and the scientific method that they've been lying all along. The bastards.
I'm speaking, of course, of my bathroom scales. Innocent looking things, lying there on the floor. Who would have thought they were capable of such an evil and determined effort at deception. But they were and are and now I have proof. Science doesn't lie.
My story;
As part of a wildly successful weight loss project I've been checking my tonnage regularly in the mornings and frequently throughout the day. When a reading seemed a bit off or unexpected I would step off the scales and step back on for a second check. I always got the same readout. What an excellent pair of scales I told myself. Repeatability is one of the hallmarks of an effective measurement system. My scales were boss!
But sometimes, seeking positive reinforcement, I would pull off my jammies and try again. Oddly the scales didn't seem to attach any weight to the jammies. They had to weigh something, didn't they? My bullshit meter began to beep.
What's going on here, I thought. They're 15 or more year old consumer grade scales with a digital readout in .2 pound increments. Could they possibly be smart enough and devious enough to concoct a lie in their tiny 1990's electronic brain? I went to college, I had a lab course, and I determined to science the shit out of this mystery.
The test:
Two cans of corn. Sixteen ounces gross weight each. I step on the scales, let them settle on a reading. In the interests of privacy, let's say that reading was 180 point 2. I wait a few seconds to let the reading clear and repeat - 180.2 again. I let the reading clear again and pick up a can of corn. I step back on the scales and !eureka! 180.2 again. You're busted, motherfuckers. I step off, put down the corn, step back on and boom! 180.2 again. Double busted!
Let's continue the investigation. Now I step off the scales and pick up two cans of corn !aha! 182.2!!! Triple busted, assholes! Repetitions confirm the results.
So what's going on here? It's clear that despite their age and, one would assume, limited intelligence, they have been programmed to repeat an initial weight reading if a second measurement falls within certain range and time. The range is somewhere between one and two pounds, determining the time will require further testing with a stable weight. I have uncovered a sales and consumer satisfaction gimmick. Dishonest to the core. Because, how do you check the quality of a set of scales without an NIST verified standard weight. Why, you get off then get back on and look to see it you get the same reading. If you do, then those scales must be accurate, you would think. It's all a lie.
We've learned a here lesson today. You can't trust people or scales. You can only trust science.
6 comments:
Thanks, Lem! I bookmarked that one and will watch it tomorrow.
ISWYDT!
I remember when I got my first computer I saved countless articles to read later to my desktop until it was all filled up like decorations on a Christmas tree.
They've been lying to me. Lying deliberately, intentionally and with bad intent. All these many years, I suspected but I had no evidence. But now I've proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic and the scientific method that they've been lying all along. The bastards.
I'm speaking, of course, of my bathroom scales. Innocent looking things, lying there on the floor. Who would have thought they were capable of such an evil and determined effort at deception. But they were and are and now I have proof. Science doesn't lie.
My story;
As part of a wildly successful weight loss project I've been checking my tonnage regularly in the mornings and frequently throughout the day. When a reading seemed a bit off or unexpected I would step off the scales and step back on for a second check. I always got the same readout. What an excellent pair of scales I told myself. Repeatability is one of the hallmarks of an effective measurement system. My scales were boss!
But sometimes, seeking positive reinforcement, I would pull off my jammies and try again. Oddly the scales didn't seem to attach any weight to the jammies. They had to weigh something, didn't they? My bullshit meter began to beep.
What's going on here, I thought. They're 15 or more year old consumer grade scales with a digital readout in .2 pound increments. Could they possibly be smart enough and devious enough to concoct a lie in their tiny 1990's electronic brain? I went to college, I had a lab course, and I determined to science the shit out of this mystery.
The test:
Two cans of corn. Sixteen ounces gross weight each. I step on the scales, let them settle on a reading. In the interests of privacy, let's say that reading was 180 point 2. I wait a few seconds to let the reading clear and repeat - 180.2 again. I let the reading clear again and pick up a can of corn. I step back on the scales and !eureka! 180.2 again. You're busted, motherfuckers. I step off, put down the corn, step back on and boom! 180.2 again. Double busted!
Let's continue the investigation. Now I step off the scales and pick up two cans of corn !aha! 182.2!!! Triple busted, assholes! Repetitions confirm the results.
So what's going on here? It's clear that despite their age and, one would assume, limited intelligence, they have been programmed to repeat an initial weight reading if a second measurement falls within certain range and time. The range is somewhere between one and two pounds, determining the time will require further testing with a stable weight. I have uncovered a sales and consumer satisfaction gimmick. Dishonest to the core. Because, how do you check the quality of a set of scales without an NIST verified standard weight. Why, you get off then get back on and look to see it you get the same reading. If you do, then those scales must be accurate, you would think. It's all a lie.
We've learned a here lesson today. You can't trust people or scales. You can only trust science.
Somebody has been reading somebody's posts and not postponing it ;)
I always get a laugh when I hear the word deponent.
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