Tuesday, May 16, 2017

The Tao of Cliff


Cliff Clavin:When I was a lad, I went to see the movie Trapeze with Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis. 
Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: No kidding Cliffy, did you sit between them? 
Cliff Clavin: No coach. I was sitting with blond. They were all so jealous of me. Still are. 
Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: I don't think they are jealous of you Cliffy. They just don't want to listen to your bullhockey.
Cliff Clavin: Well that is just too bad Coach. I will always give my opinion. I'm a post man and I deliver it straight.

13 comments:

Sixty Grit said...

Cold blooded, my brother.

edutcher said...

Wasn't that the one with Gina Lollapalooza?

Sixty Grit said...

Cliff Clavin: [in comparison to a Jewish bris] The original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down there in Borneo.
Norm Peterson: Yeah?
Cliff Clavin: When the young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...
Sam Malone: Oh, no, no, no don't tell me...
Cliff Clavin: ...they would fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres...
Sam Malone: Oh.
Cliff Clavin: ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks in there...
Norm Peterson: Cliffy, Cliff, Cliff...
Cliff Clavin: ...and bang them together to call in the tribes out of the hills, you know. Then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...
Sam Malone: Oh, here it comes.
Cliff Clavin: ...and shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it, pretty much, until they dropped, really.
Sam Malone: Oh, wait... When do they circumcize the kid?
Cliff Clavin: What do you mean circumsize? There are no Jews in Borneo, you moolyak.



Dr. Frasier Crane: [about himself] I mean, how can you go back to a room where people think you're a total idiot. I mean, how do you do it, Cliff?
Cliff Clavin: Well, I don't really like to divulge... hey!

AllenS said...

My favorite --

Cliff expounds his "Buffalo Theory" to Norm:

“Well, you see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it’s the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Rene Saunce said...

John Dezso Ratzenberger - he's a good guy.

Thanks for the reminders, guys. Now I want to watch Cheers again.

Sixty Grit said...

It is on Netflix. I watched Cheers and Frasier in there entirety. A couple epis a day while I was cooking my lunch. There are themes that run through both shows, they are of uneven quality (duh!) but I think they hold up well.

I was surprised how good a physical comedian David Hyde Pierce is. Frasier stole his whole comedic shtick from Jack Benny - well!

But the real star was Eddie the dog. You knew that he would be my favorite.

Sixty Grit said...

There? Their? They're? Shit damn, it is late. As you were.

ndspinelli said...

Ratzenberger is a conservative.

ndspinelli said...

Tim Allen, another conservative, had his successful show, Last Man Standing cancelled.

Methadras said...

That woman on his arms is hot. Damn Cheers money!!

ricpic said...

I take it "our" Cliff Claven is yet another disguise of the execrable Schmendrik?

chickelit said...

@ricpic: The post is rife with double entendre. The post man always wrings twice.

Sixty Grit said...

@ric - I really don't think he is smart enough to carry out that stunt. Plus, the posts would be at least 20 times longer than they are.