I don't get that.
By Joseph Carter, the Mink Man.
This is for our friends in Baltimore.
Conservative sites refer to Orkin for rat infestation information. Baltimore is 8th after Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Washington DC, Philadelphia and Detroit.
After Baltimore, Seattle-Tacoma, Dallas-Ft. Worth.
It's a thing right now because Representative Elijah Cummings started a fight about conditions at the U.S. southern border, a point missed by most U.S. reporting on this new dispute. They pick up the story at Trump's response citing Cummings' hometown a rat infested poo-hole.
We all know, Trump picks his fights with clarity exceeding the perspicacity of his sparing partners. He wins these types of disputes. He counts on American media corruption to cover them inaccurately and in biased form, while most everyone capable of independent thought see through the shoddy reporting. Trump thrives in chaos of his own making. His chaos out chaoses the chaos created by Democrats. It's infuriating. And it's splendid to watch in real time. Eat it, Democrats. You totally own rat-infested cities. Chew, Democrats, chew.
In the meantime, let's enjoy some rat hunting. This guy makes fun out of dread.
I saw four rats in the world at large in my life.
1) The first grade. Dad was burning trash in the back yard and he came running in and took my little baseball bat and said, "stay here." He ran back outside and beat the rat's brains out. Now, how could I use my baseball bat after that? Huh? Thanks, Dad.
Dad was a HERO! He killed a rat. OMG, I can only picture it from what I was told. I can't even tell you how impressive that is. My dad, the rat hunter.
2) Placing an order at the old McDonalds on Broadway. Nobody understood English. But I had to realize that after trying to order.
I was trying to figure out how to say "would like" in the future subjunctive case, or maybe I should stick with straight present indicative "quiero" I want. And then "to order" ordenar or simply pedir to ask. There wasn't a McDonalds episode in my textbook. Get it wrong and you sound like such a gabacho. I would like to order a salad with blue cheese. So what comes out of my mouth? "Me gustaría pedir una ensalada con queso azul." Oh crap. That sounded inauthentic.
Right then a rat ran along the edge of the building in the same direction my car is headed. And I'm suddenly uninterested in having a salad.
"No tenemos ensaladas."
Good! I shall take my bizwax elsewhere! "Gracias."
It's important to always be polite. Spanish is a very polite language.
3) I'm reading at home. I look out the window and see a squirrel eating my dog's kibble. It's stuffing its cheeks then disappearing.
Actually, I'm only seeing part of the squirrel. The front part.
It returns for more kibble.
It disappears.
Returns again.
What's up with this squirrel? No wonder my dog gets anxious.
I get up and instead of a soft fluffy tail the squirrel has a tail like a snake.
Ew, it's a rat!
Imagine. A fluffy tail being the only thing standing between being despised as vermin and being hand-fed in the park.
"IT'S A RAT!"
I did not know my roommate has a .22 rifle in the basement.
Had I know that, I'd have thought differently about him all along.
And he had bullets too.
What else don't I know?
It's rather studly to have a gun like that.
He stood in the kitchen and aimed the rifle trough the kitchen window, removed to be an open space to the remodeled porch. And he shot the rat when it returned for another mouthful of kibble. The rat was building a storehouse of kibble in its rathole.
The shot went through the rat's head and nicked the thick plastic dog-bowl. The rat jumped and spun in the air spraying drops of blood in all directions like a blood windmill. And instead of dropping dead on the spot as we expected, it ran back into its hole.
And died.
Presumably.
Because no more rat.
It had come off the Highland canal and took up in a hole next to our house.
4) My brother James and I walked into an Asian restaurant rather late in the night in San Francisco. We were the only customers that hour. The Asian family was conducting business at another table.
Behind the counter we could see through a gap that the Asians had set up a feeding station in the design of a temple offering. It was red and gold and a bit fancy. But it was made for the rats. The restaurant honored the house rats and fed them.
This had to be contrary to city code.
Law breakers right there.
We ate our dinner anyway. 'Cause that's how we roll. If they're feeding the rats then perhaps the rats are satisfied and not getting into the food stored in the back.
But who knows? More likely the rats are all over the place.
They freaked me out. I didn't like it at all.
So that's four rats. Two rats died, and two rats lived.
But those are the rats that I saw. I'm supposing thousands of other rats I didn't see.
One time my odd little sister saw the movie Ben. She loved the idea of an oddball training rats. In a dispute about rats she told me, "rats need friends too." She loved the movie's theme song "Ben."
6 comments:
I worked a case years back that brought me to a mink farm. WI used to have many. It was feeding time so I interviewed the farmer as he fed the caged mink. I mentioned how cute they were. He smiled and hit the cage, the mink went into a full Satan hiss. Nasty mofo's.
I had no idea about the invidious Baltimore rat ranking.
There is a trout farm in Star Prairie. Every once in a while I'll drive by and see a mink heading out of the trout farm with a trout in it's mouth.
Nick, was the mink farm in Medford?
Allen, No. It was down south in Jefferson County.
Minnesota also had a lot of mink farms. There used to be rendering plants around also, and if a horse or cow was down (dead) they would come out and pick the animal up for free and a lot of that meat went to feed those mink.
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