Thursday, July 25, 2019

All Too Familial

I'm heading back to Madison in the morning. My mother suffered a massive cerebral hemorrhage this afternoon and is hanging on by a thread. She's unconscious and the doctor's prognosis is grim. I'm in such shock that I barely remember biking home from work.

Here is something I wrote about her a few years ago:
_______________________________

My mother was born in small unincorporated township in Richland County, Wisconsin. Her ancestors were Anglo-Saxon peasant stock, farmers mostly, but some were property holders. There’s a famous [locally] geographical feature named after her mother's family north of Madison.

Born in 1937, she wasn't a depression child and yet wasn't a boomer.  She was a middle child and had older siblings: two sisters and a brother [added: she outlived them all]. I heard stories of siblings who died tragically: an older sister near her age who accidentally burned to death as child; two others died in infancy. For quite a time my mother was the youngest in a poor but relatively happy family. But something happened.

I never knew what my grandfather did for a living -- itinerant may best describe him. He was a talented gunsmith is all I knew. I met him once -- when I was about 8. He left or was kicked-out by my grandmother when my mother was young. The family then moved to the small town of Richland Center. She has memories of him meeting her after school and of him carrying her piggyback and giving her treats, and of her mother then taking away those treats.  A reconciliation was attempted around the time that my mother must have been 7 or 8 and two more siblings--twins (a boy and a girl) resulted, but the marriage ultimately failed.

My mom was raised by a single mother in the 1940's and 50's in the days before being a single mother was commonplace.  She babysat the younger twins while my grandmother worked nights in a restaurant, eventually working herself to any early death. My mother claimed that she raised herself, watched over occasionally by older siblings and by a neighbor woman, who was also either divorced or widowed. These women -- my grandmother and the neighbor, were key to developing her character. But the misfortunes of others played a role too. As an adolescent, she watched her eldest sister marry, have kids, and then descend into single motherhood by the fault of an abusive and alcoholic husband. She became determined to escape that cycle.

She was good-looking and met my father while still in high school. They dated for a year and then married a month after she graduated from high school. She had my brother and then me and raised us before returning to school when I was 8, getting an AA degree in dental assisting (just like Goldie Hawn in Cactus Flower my dad teased her). She eventually ditched the dental assisting.

She outlived my father who died in 1995. She was utterly miserable for a few years but then, five years later, met a wonderful man who became my stepfather.  He's been a wonderful companion for her and he's a millionaire (on paper) [added: I'll be seeing this wonderful man again tomorrow]. My wife says that my mom will now live forever.

Here she is front and center with some diving friends when she was 28 or so. The photo was taken by my dad.  That's me and my older brother looking on (was my head really that big?).  The photo was taken at Devil's Lake, WI circa 1964.


I'm eternally grateful to her for raising me. She made all those untold sacrifices that many women did in her era as a homemaker before the term became somehow pejorative. Of my parents, she alone was the one who encouraged me to go on to school after high school and she made sure that my father was on board too (he preferred that we boys learn a trade).  She had seen the lasting damages that wrong choices had on individuals and families and was determined not to pass these things on whether by nature or by nurture.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

14 comments:

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

I am so sorry.

edutcher said...

Part of life, I guess, but you hate losing the ones who mean so much to you.

The Dude said...

That is very sad news indeed, CL, she sounds like a strong woman who raised you up right.

Safe travels to you for what has to be a very sad journey.

Dad Bones said...

Thanks for letting us hear the story of your mother and yourself. Letting go of that one person we've known longer than any other is a major shift even though we've always known it was coming.

AllenS said...

God bless, chick.

ndspinelli said...

It is shocking to get a phone call like that. My prayers for you and your family. It's good to see your mom has loving people watching over her.

ricpic said...

So sorry for your loss, chick.

Tank said...

Best to you and your family.

Rabel said...

Best wishes, Chick. Be strong.

Amartel said...

Best wishes to you and your family in this difficult time. No matter how much you know, intellectually, this was going to happen, it's still damn tough when you're going through it.

Trooper York said...

Sorry chick. My prayers are with you and your Mom.

XRay said...

So very sorry, chick.

Chip Ahoy said...

Your mother is a tremendous woman. You are blessed.

MamaM said...

My heart is with you, chickelit, wherever you are in this journey of change, loss and transition.