K.D. Lang, Crying

I didn’t warm up, I haven’t sang for a long time, I’ve never rehearsed with this band. You’re putting me on the spot here.

So we get to hear how a top voice does this cold.

Toni used to sing all the time in the car. 

She's a terrible singer, and I mean terrible.

Every time I turned on the radio she'd ruin every single song with her out of tune mewling, her untrained thin broken constrained one-octave voice always breaking, her being off key, off tempo, f'k'n up the words, mismatched disharmony, sorry ass backup. She is the song-slasher. 

I told her to SHUT THE F UP! Already.

Imagine her getting mad at me. Me! She told me I should feel good that she feels comfortable enough to sing in front of me when she doesn't dare sing in front of anyone else. I'm supposed to feel honored.

See how combative she is? See how she turns everything around? She sings torturously but I should be pleased. 

I told her to start feeling uncomfortable singing in front of me because she's annoying the living S out of me. 

Every. Single. Time. 

Knock it off!

(I told her the same thing about skiing. Some people have no business whatsoever on the slope. She's too timid to ski, too scared, skiing is impossible for her. So just forget it. Do something else. She's a danger to herself and to everyone else on the slope. I'm loathe to discourage anyone from doing something positive, but honestly, she just flat cannot ski. She's too afraid of touching the snow.)

But she didn't take that seriously either and persisted in ruining every song. So I stopped turning on the radio in the car. 

She'd turn it on. I'd snap it off. She'd turn it on. I'd snap it off. She turned it on. I snapped it off and that's where the situation ended. 

She is the worst singer on earth. The single worst. She'd be better off mute. And I mean it. 

My other friends sing along in the car, make up their own lyrics, sing different parts, add their own harmony, have fun with music, they make up their own part, they do decently, and we have a great time together. It's often hilarious. Sometimes we just start singing without the radio. Any stupid @ss song will do, the dumber then the funnier then the better. Especially when we keep going no matter the f ups. Treated seriously when it's actually hilarious is very much fun.

But that humor was not possible with Toni. Her reedy frail Queen Elizabeth of the dead voice just flat doesn't cut it. She could clear a whole town of its cats just by singing Karen Carpenter's (They Long to be) Close to You. 

When Toni sings you long to be elsewhere.