Monday, July 8, 2019

Man arrested in copycat offense of licking ice cream and returning it.

Good Lord. Same brand as before. This is ridiculous.

I have to go to the grocery store and this is forcing me to pick up a gallon of Blue Bell for the first time.

I hear it's pretty good.



But here's the thing. 

I make my own ice cream all the time. 

And there are only a few ingredients in it. 

All the other extra ingredients are for emulsification, for storage and for transportation, and to affect the texture and color and sometimes the flavor. 

Blue Bell vanilla: 
Ingredients Milk, Cream, Sugar, Skim Milk, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Corn Syrup, Natural and Artificial Vanilla Flavor, Cellulose Gum, Vegetable Gums (Guar, Carrageenan, Carob Bean), Salt, Annatto Color.

Häagen Dazs vanilla:
Ingredients: cream, skim milk, cane sugar, egg yolks, vanilla extract. Contains: milk and egg ingredients.
Sugar: 20 (g)
Sodium: 65 (mg)
Total carbohydrate: 21 (g)
Cholesterol: 90 (mg))

Ben & Jerry's vanilla:
ingredients. Cream, Skim Milk, Liquid Sugar (Sugar, Water), Water, Egg Yolks, Sugar, Guar Gum, Vanilla Extract, Vanilla Beans, Carrageenan.

7 comments:

chickelit said...

Does anyone sell unflavored ice cream: cream, sugar, milk? Is that ice milk? Is it just too bland? Too albino? Too tabular rasa? Too white?

edutcher said...

Sealtest used to put vanilla beans in their vanilla.

AllenS said...

Put these people in jail.

Dad Bones said...

What a delightful fellow to have at your table.

Chip Ahoy said...

Vanilla is actually a powerful flavor.

The term vanilla to stand for something bland is ridiculously wrong.

It's a powerful base for other flavors. Chocolate is uninteresting without vanilla.

Another bean also boosts chocolate considerably. Coffee.

Vanilla and coffee and chocolate, three beans that blend incredibly well.

One from an orchid (the only edible orchid, out of literally thousands), seeds from pods that must be carefully fermented for months until they shrink and turn brown, another from a scraggly bush, seeds that must be roasted, and other from inside pods that grow on the sides of trees that grow in the shade of taller trees, seeds in a mucus that must be fermented and conched for full days. All three seeds highly processed. Extremely processed. Coca powder is even processed with lime.

Humans take their food and process the living shit out of it.

And then after doing all that we must also protect it from dopes like this who lick it, stick their butt-wiping finger in it, put it to their bacteria-infested mouths and return it to the freezer to spread their germs randomly.

Oh man, I just had a flashback.

My grandmother visited us on the base at Barksdale in Louisiana.

(She couldn't take the continuous touch-n-goes of the B-52s. Music to our ears, background elevator music, but intolerable for her so she left.)

But before that we went shopping at the commissary, a fairly extravagant deal that was better than the groceries off base. And it was nearby. She bought chocolate ice cream.

Something happened during storage or during transportation but that night all five of us kids became ill. Very ill. All of us barfing. All of us fevered.

My dad freaked the f out. All five of us kids were raced to the doctor on base and they concluded it was food poisoning from the chocolate ice cream.

The next day all five of us were sick as dogs watching t.v.

I recall the show we were watching. Giant insects took over a town. Giant bugs crawling all over the buildings creating havoc and that's exactly how we felt. It was perfect.

The chocolate ice cream incident and the B52 noise was too much for Nana. She hastened a flight back home ignominiously to Pennsylvania. Her trip rated top catastrophe. She saw us all nearly dead. Catasaqua xxxx Catesauquaxxxxxx Catasauquaxxxxxx Allentown Pennsylvania.

Imagine killing all your grandchildren at once with chocolate ice cream. That's what the adults thought was happening. That was the last visit of any and all relatives. Until they bought the house in the foothills three moves later.

chickelit said...

I agree that vanilla is a powerful flavor.

Still, why no unflavored ice cream? Of course everybody wants to flavor it with something, but why not start with clean palate? By analogy, a lot of mixed drinks start with vodka which considered neutral.

ndspinelli said...

Had some great vanilla ice cream in Mexico w/ lots of vanilla bean in it.