P.J. O’Rourke: "In Defense of Lobbyists"

“Congress doesn’t pass laws anymore. Not really. Not the kind of individual laws where I can go to a representative or a senator and explain what the law would mean, pro or con, to my client. Nowadays they’re burying all the laws inside gigantic fuzzy bills.”

“Congress is punting legislation to regulators. Congress feels less inclined to get the facts. That ball is in the hands of the regulatory agency receivers.”

Eric told me about a case with which a fellow lobbyist had to cope. McDonalds wanted universal nutritional restaurant menu labeling. If Mickey D ain’t happy, ain’t nobody going to be happy. What Big Mac wanted Big Mac got, buried somewhere in the paper pyramid that is Obamacare and worded as clumsily as Joe Biden remark.

The FDA was left to decide what a “restaurant” is. The FDA said anyplace where 50 percent of square footage was devoted to preparing and serving food. Eric’s friend had go to a hearing and explain that this definition would eliminate the nation’s delis, commissaries, and school cafeterias. As a dimwit consumer affairs reporter put it to Eric’s friend, “Oh, I never thought of that.”

Eric said, “I meet with regulatory agencies. But they don’t answer to voters. They don’t answer to anybody. I go in by myself, and they’ve got twenty agency employees at the table with a dozen others calling in by speakerphone. It’s more like testifying in court than lobbying.”

I asked him, “Isn’t there some growing, sort of libertarian, anti-regulatory feeling in the country?”

He said, “I’d agree if Congress had done anything about the IRS. Basically congress’s attitude is ‘Who gives a shit about business owners? They dealt with this before. They’ll deal with it again.’”

“Maybe,” he said, “the pendulum swings on things like regulation. But gerrymandering has cold cocked the pendulum weight, stopped it dead. ‘He was elected for being too far right.’ ‘She was elected for being too far left.’ Not much room for me to get in there and sway opinion. I’ve stopped putting regulatory reform on my agenda.”

“How many of these problems,” I ask, “are unintended consequences of lobbying reform laws?”

“Intended consequences,” Eric said. “All we can do now is have our industry give money to campaigns. I’ll go in for a meeting with a congressman who isn’t even listening, and the next day I’ll get a call from his campaign fund-raisers wanting to know what my client will donate. I spend more time on fund-raising than on issue influencing. They don’t even need the money. The incumbent is going to get re-elected. It’s just, ‘I’ve got more money, so I’ve got more credibility.’ This is a shell of the lobbying industry. All we are is ATM machines in pinstripe suits.”

Money spent on lobbying itself (as opposed to campaign contributions) is declining, down almost 9 percent since 2010. Advocacy group lobbying has held on but lobbyists for private enterprise aren’t getting a grip. E.g., the U.S. Chamber of Commerce spent $136.3 million lobbying in 2012 and $74.7 million in 2013. The number of registered lobbyists peaked in 2007 at 14,838.This year it’s 11,079.

And don’t for a moment think any of that is good news.

I skipped the first half, the comical half of this article. You can go ahead and read the whole thing if you want. PJ is a good writer.