Sixties Sitcom Subtext Theatre

 "Listen Betty I don't care how much you love animals. I know I was Catwoman but doesn't mean I need you to save my pussy. It is doing just fine on its own. Go away why don't you. Move to Florida. Or move iin with Mitt Romney. That's a pussy you can save."

"And stop staring at my tits."

The Cat's Meow

"Hello darling it has been a while. How have you been. I have just been here fingering my pussy. I love to finger my pussy in the early evening. Or in the morning. Most anytime during the day. There is never a bad time to finger your pussy." 
"What?" 
"Yes at church might be a bad time tis true. Although the preacher seems not to mind all that much. Do you like to watch me fingering my pussy....Trey...Trey...why are you turning blue?" "Oh well I guess I will have to call the nurse again. This is getting tiresome. If you don't watch out I might turn cat-tankerous!"

The Cat's Meow

"Can I help you little man?"
"No I think I am here to help you. I am here to replace the gardener who is busy. My name is Ed. Are you the Blond?"
"I am sorry little boy. The Blond is a figment of your imagination. Now why don't you run along and write some fan mail to someone who is interested. Oh and one more thing."
"Yes?"
"Stop staring at my tits."
"I can't help it they are at eye level."
"Well cut it out. It's all fun and games until someone get's their eyes poked out."

This guy is not just a member of the David Gest fan club....he is the President.

Boyfriend of ‘Catwoman’ arrested after late night fight 

New York Post By Tina Moore and Daniel Prendergast December 11, 2016 

The fashion-designer boyfriend of wealthy socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein, a.k.a. “Catwoman,” was arrested Sunday when he roughed her up while trying to remove property from their lavish Manhattan apartment, authorities said.

Lloyd Klein, 49, was cuffed after the 2:30 a.m. fight at her Trump World Tower pad on First Avenue and East 47th Street in Turtle Bay, cops said.

Klein showed up to retrieve some property before grabbing Wildenstein’s arms and pushing the 76-year-old to the ground, causing a minor injury to her hand, as well as some neck and back pain.

The woman called cops who arrested Klein, who tried to remove a Swiss ID, an iPhone 6, a cell phone case and a Visa credit card.

He was charged with robbery, grand larceny, misdemeanor assault and criminal mischief. He was awaiting arraignment Sunday.

The arrest comes less than a week after the troubled couple’s last run in with the law, when Wildenstein was arrested for clawing Klein’s face before grabbing a pair of scissors and slashing him on the chest.

Klein then stuffed his girlfriend into a closet until police arrived and took her away.

The Swiss-born Wildenstein was infamous 20 years ago for spending millions of dollars on misguided cosmetic surgery to make her look cat-like. Her divorce from billionaire art-dealing husband Alec Wildenstein also was fodder for tabloid headlines. He died in 2008.

Jocelyn Wildenstein once explained that she sought out surgery in part to make her eyes look more feline.

Yes Catwoman!

Catwoman: It is useless of you to resist Batman. You are in my clutches. Meeeoooowww!!!

Batman: Why are you staring at my utility belt.

Catwoman: I am not staring at your utility belt. But what is that tiny bump you have there? Please tell me you got a mosquito bite.

Attack of the Bride of Wilderstein!

‘Catwoman’ arrested for clawing designer boyfriend

 New York Post By Larry Celona and Jamie Schram December 7, 2016

Jocelyn Wildenstein, the feline-featured socialite nicknamed “Catwoman,” was busted Wednesday morning for clawing her boyfriend in their posh Manhattan apartment, sources told The Post.

Wildenstein, 76, flew into a “violent rage” and scratched the face of fashion designer Lloyd Klein inside their apartment in Trump World Tower on 1st Avenue and East 47th Street around 1:30 a.m., the sources said.

She then grabbed a pair of scissors and slashed his chest, drawing blood, the sources continued.

Klein was forced to stuff Wildenstein inside a closet to prevent another rabid attack, sources said.

Police were called to the scene and hauled away Wildenstein on felony assault charges.

The Swiss-born Wildenstein spent millions of dollars on cosmetic surgeries to please her cat-loving, art-dealing husband, Alec Wildenstein, who died in 2008.

(Botox kills. Beware)

Whose that Girl in Celebrity Cameltoe Corner?

She has it all. Wealth. Power. Great looks. Camel toe.

She is one smiling cat. Almost a Cheshire catwoman. Her slogan became "No Justice....I get peace."

And she just turned fifty!

Whose that girl with the cameltoe?

KLEM TV

linky

"Your propinquity*  could make a man forget himself."

Of course Batman throws her over when she mentions offing Robin but(t) fortunately he was wearing his "Batplug(s)."
__________________
* Is that one of Chip's "P" words?

I don't think you can be my therapist!

"Why hello. I haven't seen you in quite some time. Too busy for me?"
"No Selina. But it was the holidays and I had to spend time with my family."
"Well did you have to neglect your friends so? I mean not a word for weeks."
"I was very busy. But you seem to have made a new friend?"
"Who Doug? Yes he is a fellow patient here. We are putting together a skit to entertain everyone for News Year."
"Really, what kind of skit?"
"Why a magic act. You see I am going to make Doug's bird disappear. Would you like to try it. I could make your bird disappear. Don't worry. It will be in a warm moist place. It will slip right in. Your bird will feel great...Hello....Hello....Hello."
"Hamana, hamana, hamana, uuuurrrrpppphhhhh!!!!"
"Yes well Happy New Year to you too. My goodness you just turned blue like the blue moon tonight. Hee."

"Hello baby, I have been waiting for you. It has been awhile."
"I am here Selina. You look comfortable."
"Yes well I am. In my wicker chair. Under my blanket. But not all of me. You see I do not have any pants on. This is your trigger warning. You can just lift up the blanket to see. I just got shaved. Not all the way. I know you like a natural woman. I just had a landing strip made. Why are you turning blue?"
 "Hamana, hamana, hamana, uuuurrrrpppphhhhh!!!!"
 "Oh  you are so silly. Why not take out your little plane and bring into the landing strip. What kind of plane do you have. A fighter. A bomber. Or is it a bi-plane. Because if it is I can have the McMurphy or the Indian join us. They are up for it....Trey...Trey.....please get up off the floor. This is getting old.

I don't think you can be my therapist!

"Miss Kyle...Miss Kyle...why are you on the roof."
"Why I am looking for someone officer."
"Please come down, you might do yourself an injury. What are you doing up on the roof."
"Why I am looking for my therapist. He seems to have abandoned me. And I don't know why."
"I am sure he didn't mean it. He is probably just very busy. Now please, come down off that roof."
"No I don't think so. It is kind of hot and this is a tin roof. Where else should a cat be after all. Meeeeoooowwwww!!!!!"

I don' think you can be my therapist!

" You call yourself the "Boy Wonder."  Here I have bunch of Hench woman in tight leopard tops and stretch pants and you can't even raise a twig. What's up with that?"
"He is a pure and decent young man you evil wench. Back away and leave him alone."
"Holy rare clumbers Batman! Will we ever escape the clutches of this felonious feline?"

I don't think you can be my therapist!

"I don't think I can have you as my therapist."

"Why not Selina, I think I might be able to help?"

"Well you see you remind me of someone very dear to me. It would be too confusing."

"Yes I can see that."

"Your deep voice, your calm reassuring manner. Even your habit of smoking cigars."

"You were very close weren't you?"

"Yes we were. I remember when I was just a young kitten. I would run to him to tell him about my day. I would climb up into his lap as he sat on his recliner wrapped in a fur robe very reminiscent of that one. He would stroke my hair and murmur reassuring words and he made me very very safe. It would seem that he would always have a cigar in his pocket."

"Sometimes Selina a cigar is just a cigar."

"Yes except when it isn't."

Pay attention to what's going on stupid!

"You are not going to distract me Catwoman. I know your game."
"You think your cat like wiles are going to work on me. Well they will not. I am going to keep my eye on the balls. Errr ball. No  matter what. We are going to elect a Rhino if it is the last thing we do."
"It is Jeb Bush or bust."
"No not that bust. What are you some kind of pervert. None of that hetero normal stuff is allowed in this debate. Now I have to go get some of my Caitlyn Jenner cereal boxes autographed."