Thursday, March 16, 2017

Important news for Lem's Lemmings!


How much do you know about farts besides the fact that they sound and smell funny, and come out from the bum. These are some things you should know about them:
  • Men fart more than women.
  • The original meaning of fart if forth as wind from the anus. This word was coined in 1962.
  • An average person farts around 14 times a day.
  • Those 14 farts a day are enough to fill up a balloon.
  • This is not something to be embarrassed about as it means that you are healthy. A healthy digestive tract produces farts. If you are not farting at all go to the doctor.
  • Farts are made up of hydrogen sulfide that reduces mitochondrial damage. Smelling farts can be healthy, thus next time you fart take a nice deep breath and thank the person.
  • Female farts tend to be stinkier as females have higher concentration of hydrogen sulfide. Female farts are healthier to smell.
  • Farts go as fast as 10 ft/sec.
  • If you have very tight sphincter you will produce louder farts as they have smaller tighter area to squeeze out from.
  • Gum and soda make you fart more, thus if you know somebody who farts a lot and they drink a lot of soda and chewing gum, hide it from them.
  • Most of the farting happens at night when we sleep.
  • Termites are animals which produce the most fart. Camels, zebras, sheep, cows, elephants, and dogs (especially labs and retrievers) follow next.
News youse can use.


chickelit said...

The German word is Furz. (old spelling Pfurz). I always thought that was onomatopoeic: pffffurz!

AprilApple said...

A few weeks ago, a group of us were standing in a newly remodeled kitchen discussing the partially tiled floor. Someone farted (it wasn't me I swear) and it was so gross. Smelled like rotten eggs. I had to act like nothing happened while subtly grappling with the fact that the fart-blame thoughts were circling and wafting (just like the fart itself.) Who-done-it in our assembly of people? It was someone. I know it was one of the men. But - I have no idea what the other non-farters were thinking.

a few years ago, I had two lovely clients - a couple. It was one of the best projects ever. Everyone was so nice and normal. But the wife would let her farts rip. I mean RIP. I was warned by my friend that she lets em' rip. Wow, it was true. I found it refreshingly honest.

chickelit said...

I was warned by my friend that she lets em' rip. Wow, it was true. I found it refreshingly honest.

Had some neighbors years ago we used to have over in the backyard for cocktails, cards and tunes. She was smoker and used to light 'em with her lighter.

AprilApple said...

Cocktails and a party atmosphere lower inhibitions...

This was a professional setting. If I need to fart, I hold it until... well, forever if I can. No way I'm letting it out.

AprilApple said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AprilApple said...

The thing is, she would fart and we would all stand there in stunned silence. Pretend like nothing happened. (while I secretly admired her courage)


Mumpsimus said...

What is that second bullet point struggling to say? It's pretty much gibberish. And what word was coined in 1962? Certainly not "fart."

AllenS said...

Did you know that if you fart (or go poop), and then light a match, the smell will disappear?

An old fart will know these things.

chickelit said...

Did you know that if you fart (or go poop), and then light a match, the smell will disappear?

What's the scientific basis for this?

AllenS said...

In a match, these roles are played by red phosphorus, sulfur and potassium chlorate, respectively. But before we explain the purpose of each of these, we should mention a few other supporting elements. Ammonium phosphate, for instance, is impregnated into the matchstick wood to stifle afterglow when the flame dies.

The chemicals involved like to eat shit smells.

AllenS, PHD, BS

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Probably TMI.....but here goes :-D

I love love love California style dried apricots but they really really don't love me back. Those are made by smoking the apricots in a tent full of sulphur smoke before putting them out to dry in the sun. Keeps the bright orange color and the insects won't land on the drying fruit. Even THEY know better than that. (I spent quite a bit of my time in the summer working in the apricot orchards as pre teen and teen.)

The sulphur does a number on my "gaseous" emissions, if you get my drift. So... if I plan to eat California dried apricots I should also plan on being a hermit for a couple of day. I mean...lethal!!

Methadras said...

Termites produce more emissions than almost any living creature on earth. I think someone once estimated that termites produce more emissions than livestock and humanity combined. That's nuts.