Picolax

This is a long comedy thread posted to a cycling site, Singletrack. The online thread was so popular the site considered it for print publication but it is too long for that and not precisely appropriate. Then the thread was lost by server disruption, but a reader had saved it so they put it back up. A bit confusing at first until you work out it's a couple of British cyclists with imaginative online names talking about their experience with medical grade double laxative.

Blu-tone is telling his story, other readers are interjecting.

Sample:

“OK Mr Blu-tone, on the screen in front of you is the picture from the camera on HMS ENDOSCOPE, you’ll be able to follow the entire procedure . . . .”

WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Lady jusss a blooody minute, where’s Jeremy FIKKIN Beadle ??

I’ve got a bare arse with about 10 gallons of KY-Jelly in, on, and UP it.
I’m wearing a kids dress. (Backwards)
HMS Endoscope, is about “To boldly go . . .”
AND
YOU want to show it live on TV !!!
BUT
HA! HA! HA! That’s NOT the best bit, is it ? NO !!!

YOU WANT ME TO STAY AWAKE AND WATCH !!!

Look I may be daft enough to live on just yummy orange juice for a week, whilst suffering 4 YES F O U R !!! bouts of bowel movements big enough for Steven Hawking to test out his theories on.
But AWAKE ???

How blooody daft DO you think I am ?

Well that’s what I thought, but obviously being a BRITISH BLOKE what I actually said was.

“ok”

The picture on the tv screen then started to go all blurry, just diffuse blobs of coloured light.

Then it went dark and a distant object began to emerge from the gloom . . . .

Glossary:

* Picolax: sodium picosulfate and magnesium citrate, which are both laxatives.

* Farmer Giles & Family: Farmer Giles of Ham, a comic Medieval fable by J. R. R. Tolkien

* Alton Towers: theme park

* moggy: cat

* 15st: 225 lbs.

* chancer: scheming opportunist

* Temazzies: temazepam, sleeping pill

* candyfloss: cotton candy

* Jeremy Beadle: television presenter

* Tracy Island: home of the Tracy family in the 1960s television series Thunderbirds

* Sherriff Rusty's Badge: rusty Sherriff's badge, the hole in your ass, rusty bullet wound.

* Chocolate starfish: butt hole.

* giant marrow: very large zucchini.