I had a meeting at work today. There were about 30 people in the meeting, and it was very important. It was only supposed to last 1-2 hours, but it went way over time. 3 hours after the meeting started, I really had to pee. But seeing as it was already an hour over time, I was confident I could hold it till the meeting was over. No one else had gotten up since the meeting started, and seeing as I've only been employed there for less than a month, I wasn't going to be the first one to do so.
After 4 hours, my bladder was about to explode. I battled myself mentally, trying to convince myself to just go pee, while the other half of me didn't want to make a bad impression this early in my career. Right as I was about to jump up and just go for it, they wrapped up the meeting. As soon as they dismissed, I jumped from my seat and ran straight to the bathroom.
I started unzipping before i had barely made it into the bathroom, and I was already peeing 2 steps from the urinal. I settled in at the urinal and unleashed a fire-hydrant load of urine. Apparently I wasn't the only one who had to use the restroom, because there were more and more people coming in and using the toilets or standing along the wall behind me, waiting for the urinal to open up.
Not wanting to stand there and pee forever, I tensed up by bladder, peeing as hard and as fast as I could. I guess when you do this you also hold your breath. Either way, I pushed way too hard, for way too long. I started getting really light headed and lost my balance. I took 2 steps back and passed out, falling straight on my back. I was probably only passed out in the floor for less than 5 seconds, but that was plenty enough time for about 10 of my coworkers to see me stumble back, fall in the floor with my dick hanging out of my pants, and then piss into the air like an angel statue in a park all over myself and the floor. I'm not sure I can show my face there tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Reddit: TIFU by peeing too hard
TIFU is a subreddit where people post stories about mistakes they have made and the consequences. Here's an example:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
31 comments:
I'm sure worse things have happened, but I can't think of any at the moment.
Haven't seen the inside of an office in two years. It ain't no loss.
Piss on sitting in an office.
I once shat myself during a high school wrestling match but that guy still has me beat by a mile.
I am an honorary member of the IBBC. I frown on the shame we place on the normal bodily function of bladder elimination. We are all, after all, simple vehicles for water to pass through. Must we hold it in shame and silence? I say no. It is time to break down the barriers of shame.
Here at the IBBC, we welcome new members all the time. Men and women alike belong, though we do have more women than men. All are welcome.
Membership is free and rising to the top is fast and easy.
OH NO!
I suppose the moral to that story is... it makes less of a bad impression at work if you just excuse yourself from a meeting and return.
Who needs a moral? This is BWAA HAA HAA TOP THIS! And BTW, would y'all who use unusual acronyms please spell them out. They make me acronymonious.
Justice Ginsburg does not make mistakes: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GY1TJ8JazkQ.
It's all fun and games until someone passes out and pisses up.
Then it's reddit material.
It's micturition syncope, if you were wondering.
No one was mature enough to excuse himself while the meeting was going on? What, that would've been an admission of human weakness? How jejune.
I always wanted to sneak jejune into a comment and now I have!
Funny = (Bodily function) x Shame²
Hilarious story!
I asked myself if this could really be a real medical condition and I see Pogo has already answered that question! Damn the internets are great!
Itty Bitty Bladder Club.
Usually alcohol, age, or health is a factor with an event like that. Alrighty!
I took care of a woman in her 30s, a fast food manager, who delayed urinating for hours and hours because of her job. Every day for a couple of months.
One day she could not pee. At all. She passed out (vasovagal).
Turns out her bladder had gotten overstretched and the muscle no longer functioned. Well over 1.5 liters was drained by catheter.
It took over a month of self-cathing to retrain the bladder.
Take your breaks, people!
TMI
Which part, the fainting+peeing or the fainting+not peeing?
Or both?
Vasovagal is TMI to me.
Always mixed up Vasovagal with Visigoths.
Fainting barbarians.
Seriously. Bosses do this to new or disliked employees to test their machismo. There is no winning, since if the employee asks for a break, they'll just do it to him/her again. And again. Because they've already shown their wimpitude, which makes them "fair" game. Been there, done that, and I called a break because it was stupid not to. Don't want to do it again. Find another job. Seriously.
"Always mixed up Vasovagal with Visigoths."
Silly Pogo. Vasovagal was king of the Britons right before Arthur.
Question: "What was the last thing you remembered?"
Answer: "Peeing"
Question: "Then what?"
Answer: "Golden shower."
I'm proud to say that I've been the one to get up. I drink lots of water, so I need to pee. I also get tired of listening to people.
Fortunately my natural charm and brilliance makes up for any perceived lack of bladder machismo.
I must come from a different world. In my world, mostly DOD, any "boss" who convenes a meeting that lasts over 50 to 60 minutes is considered a blabber mouth and therefore useless. By other "bosses."
Only exception would be engineering or planning sessions with hourly breaks, like those I've been to in contractor offices in Huntsville or Montgomery, Alabama, that lasted all day. 50-60 minutes at a time.
Anyone who thinks they can hold the attention, and garner useful participation, of a seated audience for over that time without a break is delusional.
Oh, and Hi, Leslyn.
On peut seulement dire, "tant pis".
I agree with Ari, a meeting over an hour is useless, without a break.
Plus how could I run and check what is happening on blogs such as this one…oh wait, use my cell phone in the meeting! My problem is I have difficulty typing comments with my hooves.
As for bathroom breaks, being a cow, I just let loose whenever I feel the need to go. That will usually clear a room.
This is how Belgium cows do it…
My days of "pissing like a race horse" have passed. I now get Abe Vigoda's Detective Fish jokes from Barney Miller.
Evi L. My folks had dairy cows when I was a kid (not nearly as cute as you) and the first thing they do when you wake them up when you walk in the barn is let loose. OMG.
Also, cows aren't dumb, they're smart.
They know just exactly where you are. They let their tail hang in the gutter on purpose just so they can wap you with the soggy thing... they know just where your foot is so they can step on it... we had two cows that would work together in a conspiracy and when you went between them each would take one step sideways with their back ends and sandwich you.
I actually sort of like cows.
They also specialize at gaslighting... because you think... that *couldn't* have been on purpose! I'm losing my mind!
Pissing like a race horse in the corporate men's room is not a negative thing. Also 'Fart Proudly' as Benjamin Franklin wrote.
However, female C-130 USAF aircrew members used to avoid using the on-board toilet because of the custom that whoever used it first, had to empty it. As soon as the first person used it, usually a female to pee, everyone else would use it to take a dump. They hated that. Base medical officers said it was not wise to make females hold their pee. So, they made someone else empty it, a low ranking Airman, no doubt.
USAF, Retired
Post a Comment