If Star Dates were Like J Dates

"Why thank you Mr. Checkov. What a nice gift for a first date. What is it?"
"It is a custom in my country. Since you are the most beautiful woman on this wessal I gift you with my shaved pubic hair. You can weave into a hat. We do it all the time at home. It is very varm."
"Why I never got any such gift of hair before. I mean I got some from Gene Roddenberry but I had to spit them out one at a time. Thank you very much."
"You vare velcome my nubian princess."

If Star Dates were like J Date

"So it this your first time at the Starfleet Speed dating event?"
"Yes I thought it was the logical thing to do. So what do you do here at Star Fleet?
"I do communications baby because I am very oral."
"Fascinating. Have I ever told you about the Vulcan Vagina pinch?"
"Sounds groovy baby. Oh there be the bell. I have to go talk to the chink. I see you later."

If Star Dates were like J Dates

"Don't be upset my dear. I am a doctor damn it not a perv. I have to feel you conch."
"Wrong movie dipshit."

Sheldon Silvers J date Profile

Shelly 69

Man seeking Woman. Or several Women

Age: Old enough to know better
Height: Hobbit like
Weight: I am a Heavyweight. Ask anybody
Religious Preferences: Orthodox
Sexual Preferences: Anything Unorthodox (no sheets with a hole in it, but you can keep your wig on)

Hi. I like long walks in the rain, reviewing legislation, collecting graft from no show jobs, collecting blow jobs, being one of the three men in the room even if there is only one girl. I like to Shepard extremely liberal legislation that directly contradicts the tenets of my faith. Being a hypocrite. Keeping the Sabbath holy  and keeping kosher unless I am getting to put my meat in your milk bags.

I also love lobbyists and the money they can make you. Please include a photo and a financial statement along with a brief synopsis of what you can do for me.

Oh, also no shwatzes.

Conservative gal seeks Hymie who likes to do it in the Heinie.

Ann Coulter's J Date profile-

Conservative Gal seeks Hymie who likes to do it in the Heine.

I like long walks on the beach in wing tip shoes, bashing liberals about the head and face, cutting taxes and anal.

Any Tom, Dick or Scholmo may apply but make sure you are not boring. How many are there of you swinging smeckles anyway? How come no one is answering my ad. What are you all gay? I bet you are gay. Did the rabbi take more than 10% off. I know you love a bargain but come on. Lets go Yentl don't be gentle. I need it bad. Call me.

Not you ricpic. You freak. I know you love the dark meat. But the rest of the Yids can put in a bid. Call me. I mean it!