Tuesday, June 29, 2021

You never know what you are going to learn when you go on a walk

So we had to take the mother-in-law to a doctors appointment on Sunrise Highway which is a main drag in Long Island. They only allow one person at a time to accompany the patient so the wife went with her and I was at loose ends. Normally that is great. I would wander off to a pizzeria or diner or hamburger stand and have something to eat without the wife bitching at me that there was too much salt. So Trooper was happy. Not so fast loser.

I starting walking which nobody does in the burbs. I figure there must be a food joint close by. I mean what the fuck we are always passing them when we drive down Sunrise Highway! Well for four blocks in either direction there is nothing. No Burger King. No McDonalds. No diner. No Dunkin Donuts. No IHOP. No pizzeria! No shit!

All there was were home stores. A kitchen cabinet place. A window treatment place. A store totally devoted to shower doors. What the fuck… shower doors! I mean I could go in and order a shower door with extra cheese! Hey put more Mayo on those Levelor blinds. What a fucking letdown!

That is not even the worst part. As I was walking by cursing and talking to myself I saw my reflection in the window.  I said to myself “Self I recognize that guy. But who is it?”

Then I realized it! I look like the silhouette of Alfred Hitchcock!

I am one fat fuck!

6 comments:

chickelit said...

My height and weight set my obesity threshold at 180 lbs. If I go above that I begin to have recurring back pain issues and that is a powerful motivator to keep weight off.. I can't believe I let myself go to the extent that I did years ago.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

ndspinelli said...

I like living in a suburb w/ the ability to be in a city in less than 20 minutes.

edutcher said...

I take it you need to practice your, "Good evening".

The Dude said...

I used to watch that show when it was first broadcast, but when I tried to rewatch it lately I found that I couldn't make it through an episode. Perhaps if I had a leg of lamb...

Some Seppo said...

There's usually a hot dog cart in front of Home Depot, Trooper. And probably a wine cart in front of Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Some Seppo said...

Hitch's dark humor and droll delivery was always enjoyable.