You never know what you are going to learn when you go on a walk

So we had to take the mother-in-law to a doctors appointment on Sunrise Highway which is a main drag in Long Island. They only allow one person at a time to accompany the patient so the wife went with her and I was at loose ends. Normally that is great. I would wander off to a pizzeria or diner or hamburger stand and have something to eat without the wife bitching at me that there was too much salt. So Trooper was happy. Not so fast loser.

I starting walking which nobody does in the burbs. I figure there must be a food joint close by. I mean what the fuck we are always passing them when we drive down Sunrise Highway! Well for four blocks in either direction there is nothing. No Burger King. No McDonalds. No diner. No Dunkin Donuts. No IHOP. No pizzeria! No shit!

All there was were home stores. A kitchen cabinet place. A window treatment place. A store totally devoted to shower doors. What the fuck… shower doors! I mean I could go in and order a shower door with extra cheese! Hey put more Mayo on those Levelor blinds. What a fucking letdown!

That is not even the worst part. As I was walking by cursing and talking to myself I saw my reflection in the window.  I said to myself “Self I recognize that guy. But who is it?”

Then I realized it! I look like the silhouette of Alfred Hitchcock!

I am one fat fuck!