Dear Tulsi

Dear Tulsi,

I just wanted to drop you a line to thank you for the way you bitch slapped that uppity mulatto the other night. It was a pleasure to behold.

Not as big a pleasure as when I smelt your hair when I swore you in as a Member of the House in your first term. You were not the only member that was excited that night. I remember standing behind you and rubbing your shoulders and smelling your hair. It smelt like the Beach and Hawaiian Tropiic sunscreen. Oh those were  the days. When we Democrats were in charge of everything and the Orange Man was just on a TV show.

Anyhoo it doesn't look like you are going to make the next debate. I am sorry I would have loved  to smell....errr see you again. Just hang loose because I will be needing a woman of color for my VP and you are right up my alley Tulsi.

Ma-hole-o baby.

Your pal
Uncle Joe Biden.

Melania Trump's Diary

This campaign is really starting to drag. And there are more than ninety days left. It is so long I might have to go back to Slovenia to get another Visa. Not an immigration Visa. A credit card. Donald expects that I only use American Express here in America. Because we put America first. But I get a Visa for my relatives back home so they can buy the potatoes and dirt that are the mainstay of their diet. You can’t forget where you came from after all.

Now the scumbag press is trying to look into my immigration record to see how I got into this country. I got here the old fashioned way. On my back. Look I was a supermodel not a nun. Somehow these so called liberals and progressives have a big problem with sex. Not like my Donald. He knew I had a past. Look he had a past too! But he had a lot of stuff in his past. Ivana. That slut whore Marla. A bunch of models, cocktail waitresses and coat check girls. Joey Heatherton. Dolly Parton. Even David Copperfield and that German cunt in a three way one drunken night at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. So we don’t judge and we don’t worry about the past and what we might have done. We only worry about Barron because of the Deal that Donald cut with Satan. I still don’t know how we are going to cover up his nanny jumping off the balcony. I have to watch that movie again to see how they did it.