Saturday, August 6, 2016

Melania Trump's Diary

This campaign is really starting to drag. And there are more than ninety days left. It is so long I might have to go back to Slovenia to get another Visa. Not an immigration Visa. A credit card. Donald expects that I only use American Express here in America. Because we put America first. But I get a Visa for my relatives back home so they can buy the potatoes and dirt that are the mainstay of their diet. You can’t forget where you came from after all.

Now the scumbag press is trying to look into my immigration record to see how I got into this country. I got here the old fashioned way. On my back. Look I was a supermodel not a nun. Somehow these so called liberals and progressives have a big problem with sex. Not like my Donald. He knew I had a past. Look he had a past too! But he had a lot of stuff in his past. Ivana. That slut whore Marla. A bunch of models, cocktail waitresses and coat check girls. Joey Heatherton. Dolly Parton. Even David Copperfield and that German cunt in a three way one drunken night at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. So we don’t judge and we don’t worry about the past and what we might have done. We only worry about Barron because of the Deal that Donald cut with Satan. I still don’t know how we are going to cover up his nanny jumping off the balcony. I have to watch that movie again to see how they did it.

Anyhoo there was whole bunch of us supermodels going from France to England to New York to LA and back again. We didn’t worry about visa’s and paperwork. The modeling agency and our personal agents took care of it. I mean some of the girls had issues. Heidi Klum was a Nazi. Kate Moss used to break into ice cream trucks and then throw it all up. I mean Naomi Campbell was an actual cannibal for fucks sake. My little peccadillos of smuggling hand grenades in my cooch during the troubles after the fall of Yugoslavia was no big deal. So they can stop looking because there is nothing to find.
Of course the hypocritical scumbag press is all over the racy photos I took back in the day. Especially some lesbo shots I had to take to send to Helen Gurley Brown and that British Twat who doesn’t wear Prada. Most of those fashion editors are carpet munchers and the only way they would hire you is if you sent them some lesbo shots for their private collections. Then they will be happy to give you a gig if they have a portfolio of shots. So what are all these shit head liberals talking about?

Hey that gives me a great idea. Before the first debate I will send Hillary some lesbo shots to distract her. I have a whole set with Heidi that nobody has seen in twenty years. I will send them to Hillary the night before and have Heidi sit next to me in the audience. Everytime I touch her ….brush some lint off her face….touch her hair….Hillary will lose it. If we are lucky she will have a stroke. That would work out just right. I love it when a plan comes together. I know that America will love it too. I mean you know all those working class white guys love to see two beautiful women touching each other.

I am going to be a great First Lady.


AprilApple said...

When you don't give a sh*t about winning, the dragging and the rigging come naturally.

Good morning!

Trooper York said...

Good Morning.

The peeper is looking for you.

How do you like those photos eh?