The Summer of Boo Boo

Most of the famous bears in America had moved to Jellystone. Or at least spent their vacations there. Ever since Yogi had set up his grotto in the park. He copied the one at Playboy Mansion that he was invited too by Hef when he had his TV show. Everyone came to visit him and hang out during the summer.

Smokey was always there toking up. One summer he invited his Hollywood friends Cheech and Chong and they were high all summer. They tried to give us some of their dope but we didn't indulge. We stuck to fermented garbage we would get from the tourist cabins.

Gentle Ben would come out and get drunk and rowdy and try to rape some of the lady bears. You see the nickname Gentle was sort of a joke like calling a really fat guy Tiny. Gentle Ben was a real asshole. They really should have called him Rapist Ben. He started a motorcycle club called Sons of Ursus and for a little while Sister Bear was his old lady until he wanted her to pull a train. She wasn't down for that so she came back home.

The Coca Cola Polar bear spent the summer with us. He liked the heat. In fact he spent most of his time sunbathing and trying to find oriental  campers he could kill and eat. They reminded him of the Inuit back home. Plus he spent a lot of time having sex. You see he was pure white and that was attractive to a lot of the lady bears who were sick of the black and brown bears who only wanted to fuck and live off their welfare checks. So he got laid a lot even though he was weird. Whenever he would put it in he would scream ISITINYOUYET! I think it was a Eskimo thing.

The weirdest of all was Gentile Ben. You see he was a brown bear who spent all his times with Jews. His regular job was up in the Catskills where he was the Shabbos Bear. You see he would turn on the lights and the TV's for the Jews who couldn't touch anything on the Sabbath. His main job was with this famous Lady Comedian named Maisel. She would take him on tour where he would act as a body guard as well as the Shabbos Bear. Gentile Ben was very weird. He wouldn't eat pork and he never spent any money. Plus he had a really big nose. He said it helped him fit in. He went on one date with Sister Bear but she said he was too strange. He wanted her to wear a wig and showed her a sheet with a hole in it. That was enough for her.

All of these strange sexual goings on took their toll on the family. The children had grown up and were sexual beings. Sister Bear was being pursued by many different bears. She had lots of dates and love affairs. The problem was not with her. It was with brother bear.

You see he never had a girlfriend. He just went to work at the Post Office and then followed around long brown haired campers to the make out spots in the park. It was actually pretty scary.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)