The Summer of Boo Boo

Most of the famous bears in America had moved to Jellystone. Or at least spent their vacations there. Ever since Yogi had set up his grotto in the park. He copied the one at Playboy Mansion that he was invited too by Hef when he had his TV show. Everyone came to visit him and hang out during the summer.

Smokey was always there toking up. One summer he invited his Hollywood friends Cheech and Chong and they were high all summer. They tried to give us some of their dope but we didn't indulge. We stuck to fermented garbage we would get from the tourist cabins.

Gentle Ben would come out and get drunk and rowdy and try to rape some of the lady bears. You see the nickname Gentle was sort of a joke like calling a really fat guy Tiny. Gentle Ben was a real asshole. They really should have called him Rapist Ben. He started a motorcycle club called Sons of Ursus and for a little while Sister Bear was his old lady until he wanted her to pull a train. She wasn't down for that so she came back home.

The Coca Cola Polar bear spent the summer with us. He liked the heat. In fact he spent most of his time sunbathing and trying to find oriental  campers he could kill and eat. They reminded him of the Inuit back home. Plus he spent a lot of time having sex. You see he was pure white and that was attractive to a lot of the lady bears who were sick of the black and brown bears who only wanted to fuck and live off their welfare checks. So he got laid a lot even though he was weird. Whenever he would put it in he would scream ISITINYOUYET! I think it was a Eskimo thing.

The weirdest of all was Gentile Ben. You see he was a brown bear who spent all his times with Jews. His regular job was up in the Catskills where he was the Shabbos Bear. You see he would turn on the lights and the TV's for the Jews who couldn't touch anything on the Sabbath. His main job was with this famous Lady Comedian named Maisel. She would take him on tour where he would act as a body guard as well as the Shabbos Bear. Gentile Ben was very weird. He wouldn't eat pork and he never spent any money. Plus he had a really big nose. He said it helped him fit in. He went on one date with Sister Bear but she said he was too strange. He wanted her to wear a wig and showed her a sheet with a hole in it. That was enough for her.

All of these strange sexual goings on took their toll on the family. The children had grown up and were sexual beings. Sister Bear was being pursued by many different bears. She had lots of dates and love affairs. The problem was not with her. It was with brother bear.

You see he never had a girlfriend. He just went to work at the Post Office and then followed around long brown haired campers to the make out spots in the park. It was actually pretty scary.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

We didn't know what to do with ourselves after we got the Coors virus from those dirty Oriental bears who came to us from the Denver Zoo. Ranger Smith instituted a quarantine to stop disease from coming in from any other dirty foreign bears from shit hole countries.

He kicked out the black bears who had come in from Haiti as they not only smelled bad but practiced voodoo. He deported the greasy brown bears who had illegally passed over the border from Mexico. He said our motto had to be "Only Silver Backs no Wet Backs." He even had the bi-polar bears from Canada removed who kept eating Koreans because they looked like Eskimos. All of them were thrown out of Jelly Stone and only All American Bears were allowed to remain in the park.

His big mistake was not doing something about Brother Bear. Ever since he had fallen into his deep depression and started stalking young brown haired campers he was the real danger in Jellystone. Not the ursine foreigners even thought they had the virus.

You see it was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

The Summer of Boo Boo

After the Chinese Bears gave us the Coors Virus the greasy Eye-talian doctor forced us into home quarantine. We had to stay in our grotto and not go out and work. So there was nothing to do but eat.

We were worried at first that we couldn't survive if we couldn't work. We got our food from entertaining the tourists. That and turning over garbage cans.  Now that we were stuck at home we couldn't do that. But we had a savior.

You see Ranger Smith brought us tons of food. So much food that we got really fat. All we could do is eat and surf the net all day. Ranger Smith told us not to worry. He called his largess the "Jelly Stone stimulus plan." The only strange thing was that he used to take Sister Bear into the back room and lock the door. When he came out he told us that was the stimulus part of the plan. For him.

This only served to make Brother Bear even more crazy. He was hot and bothered and wanted to work out his problems on the long haired brunettes in the campground.

It was the Summer of Boo Boo.

(Stan and Jan Berenstain "Son of Boo Boo", The E True Hollywood Story of the Berenstain Bears)

They Might Be Giants...

...but they sure like their ursine talisman.

The New York Giants' offensive line are taking their good-luck teddy bear to Lambeau Field for the NFC wild card playoff game against the Green Bay Packers on Sunday. link

The bear projects an image of rugged masculinity for several players, including Elisha Manning. First given to the team in 2007, the bear is credited with the Giants' victories over Green Bay in 2007 and 2011 at Lambeau Field.

Jellystone CSI

Suspicion about Smokie's activities heightened as we notice the types of woman he would flirt with. He would walk by the most babelicous woman to talk to someone who walked like a man. At first we thought it was a political thing as Smokey is very liberal as are most bears of color. So to see him hanging out with Birkenstock wearing henna tattooed chicks with hairy underarms was par for the course. But something different was going on.

You see he really hated these woman. He would gain their confidence by seeming to be a clean articulate black bear and then he would turn on them. It was terrible.
(Jellystone CSI, Memories of a Park Ranger Forensic Scientist, Penguin Press 2009)

Hey I ain't the only one who thinks this way!

A very interesting blog post in Legal Insurrection today. It is about the "Red Pope."

It seems the favor-ability rating of Pope Francis has dropped from 76% in 2014 to about 59% today.

The Gallup poll is quoted as saying:
" The drop in the pope’s favorable rating is driven by a decline among Catholics and political conservatives, two groups that have been ardent supporters of the modern papacy. Seventy-one percent of Catholics say they have a favorable image of Francis, down from 89% last year.

Pope Francis’ drop in favor-ability is even starker among Americans who identify as conservative — 45% of whom view him favorably, down sharply from 72% last year. This decline may be attributable to the pope’s denouncing of “the idolatry of money” and linking climate change partially to human activity, along with his passionate focus on income inequality — all issues that are at odds with many conservatives’ beliefs."

The blog post list the advisors that the Pope is listening to in regard to climate change. Including Cardinal Oscar Rodríguez Maradiaga “The ideology surrounding environmental issues is too tied to a capitalism that doesn’t want to stop ruining the environment because they don’t want to give up their profits.”

Conservative traditional Catholics have been the bedrock of the Faith here in America. The people who go to church on Sunday and pay the bills. Who put the money in the collection basket. People like the author of this blog post Leslie Eastman who said: 

"While I am not going to stop being Catholic over these developments, I must admit that donating to the Catholic Church is going to be more difficult. What Pope Francis and his cronies fail to realize is that the core of capitalism is not profit, but choice. Furthermore, choices must be made with real data and information, not manipulated facts supporting an agenda.

Currently, I have decided to adopt a page from progressives for handing contributions to my church: Go local. My donations will be used for parish support only, and none will be directed to papal efforts at promoting bad science and even worse economics."

I guess I am not the only one. I have been taking a lot of hits for being suspicious of this Pope and his agenda. His defenestration of Cardinal Burke was a canary in the coal mine. I guess it will take a little more time for the truth to be revealed. Is this truly a "Red Pope" or am I overreacting? I know I am not the only one who thinks along these lines.