A British woman misplaced a sex toy before realizing it was lodged inside her backside — still vibrating — forcing doctors to perform emergency surgery.
Modal TriggerEmma Phillips and her boyfriend Lee MillerPhoto: Caters News Agency
Emma Phillips, a 24-year-old student teacher from the town of Wallasey near Liverpool, was getting busy with boyfriend Lee Miller, 29, on Saturday morning when they couldn’t find their 7-inch-long vibrator.
She pressed on her stomach and could feel vibration, according to The Sun newspaper in London.
“We were looking around the bed in case it had fallen out,” Phillips said. “When I leaned on my stomach I could feel it vibrating — it was stuck low down and at one point was even wedged behind my hip.”
Desperate times called for desperate measures — and BBQ tongs.
“For a while Lee was suggesting all kinds of wonderful options,” she said. “He tried a kitchen fork handle, which we won’t be using again, and said he could feel it at one point but that it was too far up — it was a goner.”
She added: “He tried BBQ prongs too but after a certain point — after an hour of trying — we knew were going to have to go to hospital. We were both a bit shocked.”
The couple had been drinking, so they didn’t want to drive to the hospital. But explaining the mishap to an ambulance dispatcher was a whole other challenge.
“I had to make the most embarrassing call to the ambulance at 7 a.m.,” Phillips admitted. “The call handler said, ‘Tell me exactly what the problem is,’ so I had to tell him.”
An ambulance was quickly sent and the couple ended up at Wrexham Maelor Hospital in Wrexham, about 30 miles south of where their randy calamity happened.
“At that point it was just more surreal than anything,” Phillips said. “I didn’t feel much pain at that point — I was in too much shock.”
Modal TriggerPhillips gives a thumbs up after surgery in the hospital.Photo: Caters News Agency
Doctors told Phillips the still-buzzing vibrator was too high up in her system to be manually removed, meaning they’d have to operate. She credited doctors for keeping her calm.
“The doctors were really good — they all moved quite quickly and were so reassuring telling me they saw it quite often which was quite a relief,” she said. “At first we were jokey about it but then realized it wasn’t much of a joke especially when there was talk of going through my stomach if they couldn’t get it.”
Once doctors removed the vibrator, they offered it to her as a souvenir. She declined.
Phillips groused that her boyfriend thought this was all a joke.
“Lee’s not been scarred by it — he just thinks it’s funny,” she said. “I think he should have one up his bum and take one for the team.”
According to the wife, ER RN; stories like this are quite common. Still nowhere close to the worse thing my wife told me in regards to someone trying to obtain sexual gratification.
Goddam millenials can't even do sex right. But apparently this is a fairly common thing. Doctor in my family has a lot of disgusting ER stories re: removing stuff from peoples' butts. Memo to Butt File: No lightbulbs. (That was an especially gross story.)
Thank God that Matthew passed us by in South Florida. We put up the storm windows so it was like sitting in a tuna fish can in a hurricane. We just watched movies on Hulu and ate. It was fun.
The problem is that the media over hyped this hurricane as usual. So when the next one comes everyone is going to say this is bullshit and not do anything to prepare. That is when it will actually hit.
There's going to be climate change garbage brought up at the next debate. Never let a faux crisis go to waste. Trump needs to be ready to take advantage of the commonly accepted fact that the media hypes up and distorts weather events. The Clownstablishment wants to pretend that climate change only started in the past 100 years and that it's all our fault.
For a while Lee was suggesting all kinds of wonderful options,” she said. “He tried a kitchen fork handle, which we won’t be using again...He tried BBQ prongs too but after a certain point — after an hour of trying —...
The amount of sensory sensitivity present or absent during the hour of forking and pronging that followed the initial incident is difficult to ascertain.
Also unclear as to why they won't be using that fork again? Too dirty??? Ha Ha! For sure one thing is clear, Lee is the master of all kinds of wonderful options that apparently don't involve taking one up his bum for himself or the team.
Plus they both knew at 7am that they were too drunk to drive, and how often does that awareness strike?
26 comments:
What? Backside? What are we talking about here? So many questions, so little time.
The interesting part is what we call the fanny is not how the Limeys refer to the behind, it's how they refer to the pussy.
She must have no cloaca membrane.
According to the wife, ER RN; stories like this are quite common. Still nowhere close to the worse thing my wife told me in regards to someone trying to obtain sexual gratification.
Goddam millenials can't even do sex right.
But apparently this is a fairly common thing. Doctor in my family has a lot of disgusting ER stories re: removing stuff from peoples' butts.
Memo to Butt File: No lightbulbs. (That was an especially gross story.)
I now understand why the gerbil with its long tail is preferable to the short-tailed hamster for Ritmo and his friends.
Or as Beyonce sang, "You shoulda put a string on it."
And I am shocked that blogger's spellcheck does not recognize "Beyonce."
I know some guys who go hand-grabbing or "noodling" for catfish who could have helped out.
Matthew came by, took a close look at Florida and decided he would just keep on heading north. The cannibalism parties have been put on hold for now.
Rabel, good news. Matthew, I mean.
And I note you refer to the time-honored practice of felching, which gave rise to the gag
What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil?
You must be new here.
Yeah, Ed. A close call. No news yet on our Daytona house but I'm not expecting any serious damage. It's 4 miles from the beach.
Did they find Hillary's emails?
Ed has caused me to google "felching." Do not do this.
Felching is Titus' middle name.
His Indian boyfriend told him it tastes like curry.
Funny, he doesn't mention his "husband" or his dogs anymore. I assume they were either all fictional or now they are all dead.
Now I regret even mentioning that deviant's name.
Dr. Titus to the white courtesy phone. Dr. Titus to the white courtesy phone please.
Sixty Grit said...
Funny, he doesn't mention his "husband" or his dogs anymore. I assume they were either all fictional or now they are all dead.
Now I regret even mentioning that deviant's name.
Well that's probably because Titus is someones alter ego from a place that shall remain nameless.
His writing was retarded enough and consistent enough that I doubt either one of the fluffers over there wrote that garbage.
Man, I wish this hurricane would go away so I could do some work.
Thank God that Matthew passed us by in South Florida. We put up the storm windows so it was like sitting in a tuna fish can in a hurricane. We just watched movies on Hulu and ate. It was fun.
The problem is that the media over hyped this hurricane as usual. So when the next one comes everyone is going to say this is bullshit and not do anything to prepare. That is when it will actually hit.
There's going to be climate change garbage brought up at the next debate. Never let a faux crisis go to waste. Trump needs to be ready to take advantage of the commonly accepted fact that the media hypes up and distorts weather events. The Clownstablishment wants to pretend that climate change only started in the past 100 years and that it's all our fault.
Felching is still on the tame side.
For a while Lee was suggesting all kinds of wonderful options,” she said. “He tried a kitchen fork handle, which we won’t be using again...He tried BBQ prongs too but after a certain point — after an hour of trying —...
The amount of sensory sensitivity present or absent during the hour of forking and pronging that followed the initial incident is difficult to ascertain.
Also unclear as to why they won't be using that fork again? Too dirty??? Ha Ha! For sure one thing is clear, Lee is the master of all kinds of wonderful options that apparently don't involve taking one up his bum for himself or the team.
Plus they both knew at 7am that they were too drunk to drive, and how often does that awareness strike?
These kids weren't paying attention in health class on the day they covered fisting or they could have saved the hospital bills.
Joke passed on by woman Kroger pharmacist.
How do you tell the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer? By the taste.
And kids, before you play around with that speculum, be sure you know how to release it.
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