Saturday, November 29, 2014

Tanked

Tanked is a television show on Animal Planet channel about a family owned business in Las Vegas that constructs specialized aquariums. The family speaks to each other in brutal New Jersey accent but their affection for each other shines through.

(I had the show on tonight in the background while preparing a batch of Anasazi beans and red Swiss chard but this is irrelevant to the subject at hand.)

One of their accounts was for a dining room table that displays all the fish from the top. A technical problem is the table must be filled completely with no air gaps or else condensation would fog the view from the top, and there needs to be surface agitation to create air exchange, so they designed a centerpiece shaped like a square vase that does all that with an insert that holds another vase for an impressive floral display. And all of the pipes must be concealed.

They did a beautiful job.

At wrap up one of the sons said to his father in unvarnished rough imperative, a tone I would never use with my dad, "Now you gotta use your etiquette experience and set the table by yourself." Then he leaves. The father addresses the camera directly, smiling broadly and in his own gruff accent."

"Now is my time to shine."

The clients were thrilled with the result. "Now everyone can see our products."


Notice the practical problem? 

6 comments:

Synova said...

... but they can't see each other?

Christy said...

Can't sit at the table. If knees go under the table, the table is chest high. (Where do I prop my elbows?) If one sits at a normal height the table is too far away. (Where do I prop my elbows?) Doable, but not for everyday. Works only if I need to eat standing up to lose weight. ☺

Chip Ahoy said...

Now I'm not sure their accent is New Jersey. It might be the Bronx. They sound like a cabbie I had in New York.

Terrible fellow. A slob, actually,with dribble stains on his soiled dirty white t-shirt. Stomach bulging out. Unlocked the trunk but didn't help with the luggage. Told him to take us to the Port Authority and provided the address.

"I know where the Port Authority is. Only one Port Authority."

My friend had it by then and shot back, "Stop the cab and let us out if you can't be nice."

I thought, "Oh shit, he's going to blow our heads off."

The guy turns around and looks straight at me, "What? I'm nice. I'm just tell'n ya I know where the Port Authority is," and kept driving like that was an ordinary conversation.

That is how these guys sound.

Then on the bus to New Jersey the driver stopped right smack on the side of the highway, precisely under a sign reading "no stopping on highway." He looked into his mirror and addressed the whole bus without turning around, just sitting there.

"This bus ain't going nowhere until the woman who got on with partial fare pays the rest of it."

None of us know who or what he was talking about. We looked at each other completely confused. He left if for us to figure out. He was holding us all hostage! We rifled out pockets for bills and change and satisfied his demand and at length he finally drove off. We all had planes to catch.

I looked out the window and could see the statue of liberty across the river partially rising above filthy smog. And I honestly felt in that moment the whole of Manhattan could sink in the rivers and the world would be incrementally cleaner with no feeling of loss.

All this just getting to the airport.

I was never so happy to be back in Denver. The cab ride home down Monaco seemed like a lovely drive through storybook gardens, all green and bright happy colors, consciously well kept lawns and well tended flower beds from one end to the other.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

Aren't their knees going to hit the table (I suppose you could get lower chairs, but there is not a lot of leg room). Beyond the other issues already pointed out above.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

It is a Brooklyn accent.

I know that because I went and looked up where Reymer was from.

New Jersey and Brooklyn accents can be identical or widely different now a days--it all depends on the speaker.

Chip Ahoy said...

Thank you.

Two of them were putting up a crab aquarium for a crab restaurant in Baltimore. One of the guys said he knows about crabs he lived near the (one of) Baltimore's bay. They other guy corrected, "You dummy. You grew up at Oyster Bay."

The first guy said, "Eh, I'm sure they all connect somehow."