Tales of the Uber Mensch

"Hi pickup for Amy Winebox?"
"That's us. Get in the car shit head."
A diminutive angry garden gnome cradling a box of wine like a newborn climbed into the car with a dirty unkempt man with a hang dog expression. He had that expression because he seemed to have a dog hanging from his penis.
"Excuse me but please keep that dog on your lap. I don't want to mess up my car. Thank you."
"Don't worry Pedro. He never lets a dog off of his lap. Until he is finished with it. Now hurry up. I have to get home in time for American Idol."
"Yes senora."
He shifts into gear and slides into traffic. It was going to be a long slow ride.

Tales of the Uber Mensch

“Hi pickup for Larry?”

“That’s me.” An unshaven smelly man places a shivering puppy on the seat and climbs into the car.

“I’m sorry but they didn’t say that you would have a dog with you. Why is it crying and rubbing its ass against the seat?”

“Never mind driver. Don’t talk to me. Just drive me to where I want to go and no communication. Understand? You don’t get to talk to me.”

“Bueno amigo. No problemo.” He mutters under his breath “I had more fun losing packages at UPS.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing sir just checking the GPS. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Just try and keep your puppy calm. It looks as nervous as a fourteen year old girl around Joe Biden.”

He shifts into gear and slides into traffic. It was going to be a long slow ride.