Dick loves Pat and Pat loves Dick

 “We have a great idea for a new business venture Patel” 

“Very good sir what would that be”I

“I want to set up a central location where you could answer customer service calls and frustrate white people until they hang up!”

“That will never work Pat. Shut up!”

Dick loves Pat and Pat loves Dick

 

"Say Donald do you know my friend John Bolton? He is a bright young fella who is interested in Foreign Policy. He might be helpful if you are really going to run. What to you think about our endless wars?"

"Menza menza Mr President. I am not a big fan of getting our kids killed unless we get something out of it like a lot of oil or maybe a casino. Anyway nice to meet you."

"Ok Bolton get lost. I told you to grow a mustache."

"I don't think you have tiny hands Donald. Dick's hands are a lot smaller."

"Shut up Pat."

Dick love Pat and Pat loves Dick

"Honey why are we driving around in this station wagon instead of our new Buick?"
"Because that cheap bastard Ike wouldn't spring for a train like Truman had. I am surprised he didn't give me a Tricycle.  We have to drive around and campaign in this."
"That seems very mean Dick."
"Shut up Pat and get behind the wheel. Start driving slowly as I talk to these people. Don't go to fast or I will fall off and land on my keister."
"I wish you would land on my keister honey."
"Shut up you pig and start driving."

Dick loves Pat and Pat loves Dick

"So Primer Choi what is it I am eating here? It looks like a bug."
"It is a bat penis Mr President. You are enjoying a great Chinese delicacy. Bat stew. Made with the penis and testes of a thousand bats. It comes from our Wuhan province."
"Err that sounds delightful. But I am not fond of putting a penis in my mouth. My wife Pat agrees. She never does."
"Well bat penis is very small Mr. President."
"Trust me that doesn't matter either. Can I get some Chop Suey instead?"
"That can be arranged Mr. President. In the meantime can we talk about you sending all of your jobs to China?"
"Sure thing Choi. I think would be great for business."

Happy New Year!!!!

Dick loves Pat and Pat loves Dick

"This is disgusting Dick. Why are we eating in a tent?"
"Because Ike likes to pretend he is still in the Army and if I want to be Vice President I have to kiss up to him. So just eat your steak and shut up."
"I still understand why we can't be inside. I mean Mamie is eating inside. Mrs. Hoover is inside. Even Marget Chase Smith is inside. Why are we the only ones outside. Well us and the Stassen's."
"Because Ike likes to humilate his subordinates. He learned that from MacArthur in the Philippines when he was his aide. He had to dress up like a geshia and serve tea to Mac and his cronies. So now its his turn to humiliate people."
"That's not very Presidential."
"Of course it is Pat. Most Presidents revel in humiliation. William Howard Taft would sit on his Cabinet members. Calvin Coolidge would have silent game contests. Teddy Roosevelt would tweak their nipples and if they cried he would fire them. Maybe someday a President will humiliate people in public and not care what people think. At least I hope so."