Melania Trumps Diary

Melania Trumps Diary

I know it has been a while since I wrote Diary but I have been very busy. Being first lady is a full time job. I mean I have to run the White House and keep Donnie in line. It has gotten a little hard since he is the President and all of these ass kissers are calling him the God Emperor. But I have simple technique. I just get him a little hard and a little rub and tickle and he is putty in my hands. I swear it is as soft as putty.  It does keep him under control so I can concentrate on my little Baron and securing his legacy.

These past few weeks have been a trial. First we had this stupid porn whore causing all of this trouble. Like I didn’t know that Donnie likes to get a little of the strange. Look I used to be the strange. So he had a little slip when I was preggers. It happens. I’m European for fucks sake. I don’t give two shits.

At least he isn’t fucking his mother like that French Faggot that we just had over the White House. What a mincing pansy. I thought he was going to blow Donnie right at the Press conference. He reminds of fuckin’ Rudy with his lisp and liking to dress up. Donnie was amused but it gets old after a while. His wife wanted to hook up but I am not into Granny sex. It reminded me of the old days when Naomi Campbell wanted to treat me like a bowling ball with a finger in every hole. Later for that noise.

Before that mess I had to go to a funeral. That old bag Barbara Bush finally shuffled off the mortal coil. So all of the first ladies and a few of the ex-presidents went to the funeral. It was an important meeting of the First Ladies club. The girls had finally let me in on the history of the First Ladies Traveling Underpants. This was a pair of Dolly Madison pantaloons that she rescued when the Brits burned Washington and are handed down from deserving First Lady to deserving First Lady. Not all of them get it. Hillary and Laura Bush are the ringleaders. They are really close friends. Of course they like to get liquored up and talk about how stupid their husbands are and how much they hate Donnie. Some times the get drunk and naked and make a sandwich with Huma.  Not for me. I don’t take it personally when they dog Donnie as I am used to people who hate my husband. Anyhow Laura was really toasted. She had waited a long time to get out from under old Barb’s influence. I mean she did what she wanted but W still listened to his old Mama. Not like Jeb of course. I mean Barb still gave Jeb baths until a few years ago. Still W would still ask his Mom about stuff and sometimes listen to her. Now Laura is in charge and there will be less bullshit.

What really impressed me was how many midget wrestlers there were at the funeral. Barb was a big supporter of midget wrestlers. There must have been fifty of them at the service. It was a remake of the Wizard of Oz. They were all crying and wailing. They lost one of their main patrons. Barb used to hire them all the time to put on “Private shows” which mainly consisted of them showing their privates. Now the little bastards would have to get honest work. I guess there will be a glut of life size elves at the mall this year.

Now I have to get back to work. We are flying down to Mar Largo again. I am going to wear the First Ladies Traveling Underpants because the jackal press are going to be screaming about Stormy Daniels. So that should protect me. The only one I have to worry about is Jim Acosta since he will be wearing ladies underpants too. So he might be invulnerable.

We will just have to see.