So....I was given a list and on it for my Granddaughter was Camping Barbie. Pretty cute and a toy that can be imaginatively played with.
Then the awful truth dawned on me. Barbie is an abject failure in life. Barbie's whole life is a LIE! Over the decades that have passed since Barbie was foisted upon innocent little girls as a role model, Barbie has been unable to hold a job. I mean.....LOOK at some of the different careers she has had. She has been all sorts of things and seems unable to stick with any of them. Barbie must be the worst employee ever. From Police officer, Stewardess, Corporate executive, Astronaut and then descending into a measly Goffer. She just can't keep a job. Some role model.
BUT WAIT....it gets worse. After being canned from multiple jobs poor Barbie hits rock bottom. She is HOMELESS BARBIE. Not that that is a career, but you know. Water eventually finds its own level.
Fortunately, Barbie gets reconnected with her old boyfriend Ken and gets out of the gutter. Since the 1950's Ken also has had some hard times but didn't fall quite as low as Barbie. He joined a commune, moved to Oregon and got stuck in the 60's. Hippie Ken, while still a loser wasn't quite as much of a loser as Barbie. He could cook a mean BBQ for the commune.
Camping Barbie isn't what it seems. Barbie and Ken have hooked up, had a couple of kids and are now still homeless. Still losers. Although, it is more upscale than being shopping cart Barbie. Ken gets free of the commune before they serve the Kool-aid. We now have homeless Ken and Barbie plus two illegitimate kids in a nausea producing Pepto Bismol pink camper. At least Ken's BBQ skills can come in handy.
Things aren't always what they seem. I won't tell my Granddaughter.
13 comments:
Ha! Good one. Still, I feel sorry for poor old Barbie. Society has been projecting its expectations on her for decades and she's still just a good old blondie from the 60s under all those costumes. Probably digs camping. 'Cause it's groovy.
And doesn't mind working for minimum wage at Amazon?
There are no second acts in American lives.
--F. Scott Fitzgerald
Oh yeah? Well watch this!
--Barbie
She's still on her first act. One word: Plastics.
That was a great story. Please let us know when she gets implants.
Years ago I read a list of revenge gifts you get for children whose parents you don't care for. Barbie was on the list as the parents would have to shell out for all the expensive clothes and accessories. The only other one I remember is circus tickets, you buy one less than the number of total family members.
A drum kit is always a gift that keeps on giving.
Great post, DBQ - I hope your granddaughter enjoys her gift. Now I want to steal this idea and write a post about gifts I gave my grandchildren. Must... be... cool...
She went from a German sex doll to a bag lady.
And I hear Ken ran off with Gay Bob.
Barbara Millicent Roberts has a hardbody molded in ABS plastic. Her head is somewhat softer as it is PVC. She was born in Wisconsin, which could be seen as a warning sign.
I never cared much for dolls when I was a kid. More into chemistry set, erector sets, art stuff, cooking. Building things and making interesting chemical messes in the house.
Dolls were just dumb and Barbie was the dumbest of dumb as far as I was concerned. I thought Barbie was basically a bimbo. My daughter and her daughter both like dolls so I just played along. To each their own.
I love the idea of Bag Lady Barbie :-D
Glad I gave you a laugh.
About 15 years ago - a generation in internet years - there was a link going around to “San Diego Barbies.” Meth might remember this and Spinelli as well - he being a Snowbird San Diegan. The website mocked the whole socio-economic ladder of the county, with each Barbie being accessorized according to stereotype: La Jolla and Rancho Santa Fe Barbie were at the top of the heap; Oceanside Barbie was near the bottom. I think Mattel must have come down pretty hard on the creator of the website. I can’t find it now. All I can find is a written description: link
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