Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Tales of Amy's Garden


Hazel:  You are finally back Kehaar. Thank you for scouting over the heather. We need to know what is happening but it is too dangerous for us to send out the Owlsa. Some of them have gone back there never to return. Did you find out anything on your flight?
Kehaar: Nothing matey! Nuthing you would care about Mr. Hazel. There is nothing there for any good rabbit to think about. It is a bad place.
Hazel: Did you fly low over the old warren? Could you hear what they were saying? How are they doing over there?
Kehaar: Many rabbits. Too many rabbits. Ugly rabbits. Mean. Smelly. Gross. All of them fighting. But not like old days. Now they all fight with one rabbit who pretends to be a duck when everyone knows he is a rabbit. But you should not care even though they care too much about this warren. These rabbits talk about you. Even to this day. When have been gone for years.
Hazel: I am not surprised. They are so boring they have to reach back in time. It was always an evil place. It seems that whenever someone goes over there they change into something worse than what they are. They pretend to be something they are not. A rabbit pretends to be a duck. A gay blue jay pretends to be an executive. They are all false rabbits.
Bigwig: What do you mean Kehaar? They care too much about what?


Kehaar: They talk about you. They mention Hazel and laugh. They mock him for his freedom. They talk about Fiver and his cooking. As if they ever cared. Even some who used to be here but went away. Like the diseased crow. They claim they miss them but they always hated them and tried to push them away.
Hazel[shows Bigwig the scar on his stomach] You see this? They did it to me.  I was minding my own business when the crazy lady who owns the farm threw a Paul Masson wine bottle at me. It broke and cut me in my stomach. I used to have a much bigger healthy stomach. Not anymore. Now it aches in the rain.
Bigwig: I know I know. We are tired of hearing about that. You need to get over it. Nobody cares.
Holly: I know that. I am over it. We don’t talk or even think about the old warren anymore for months on end. But when Kehaar comes over and reports you cannot help but remember how messed up it was. You just want them to take your name out of their mouths. They should just keep carrots in there. Or dicks. I think they like dicks in their mouth. Especially the boys.
Bigwig: It sounds like the old warren is even worse than it ever was before. I am glad we all left.  Sometimes when you leave it is for a good reason. Why they want to call back is not something I understand. They should worry about their own concerns. What else did you see Kehaar?
Kehaaar: Many other things. So many farmers are selling their farms. There are fewer and fewer places to set up a warren these days.
Holly: That is the thing with farmers. You can’t trust them. They will turn on you.
Sliver: I am glad we are in our own place.
Holly: Me too. I just wonder who owns this warren.
Fiver: We do Holly. It is our place. Nobody controls it except us. We can be free.
Hazel: I know. That is a good thing. We are very lucky.

Bigwig: Enough of this cow flop. Let’s have lunch.

6 comments:

Trooper York said...

Kehaar pooped on my email.

Did you know a seagull's poop includes a link.

ricpic said...

The best thing about having a colander-like memory is....well, having a colander-like memory. TOP? What was that? I remember a snob and that's about it. Though I do remember something that was done to me when I was 11 that was so humiliating that...no....I can't.

Do I bore you? Tip of the hat to Joe Pesci.

Sixty Grit said...

Too much inside baseball, but I am grateful for ctrl f.

rcocean said...

Watership down. Had to read it in HS.

Finally, its come of some use.

chickelit said...

The old warren demographic always skewed old but there used to be a younger vibe to it. One of the problems is that so many rabbits are retired and are, boastfully retired. It's like they're all wearing "I'm spending my children's inheritance" bumper stickers. The change came about when the hostess herself retired. Is there anyone under 30 there? Who can you really trust?

I guess she can be like Hillary and have people whisper "hip" things to say in her ear.

Methadras said...

Amy Winehouse was kind of a hot girl, then she met a slag that got her hooked on alcohol and drugs, then she OD'ed. The end. The moral of the story is, you can have talent and be good at something, but the people you associate with will help uplift or drag you down. Choose wisely.