The inventor's stated utility is for dead lifting and transporting log rounds to feed to a log splitter located some distance away. Who the hell else has those needs beside perhaps Sixty Grit?
Here are the top 10 urban and possibly suburban uses for The ContraptionTM
- Keg lifter. Tired of herniated discs from dead lifting those 15.5 gallon beer kegs? Next time use The ContraptionTM
- Manhole Cover Lifter. Whether you're homeless or just curious about what's under those cast iron manhole covers, make the job effortless with The ContraptionTM
- Sex Attractant. Looking to impress someone to get a date or get at their "manhole" -- next time use The ContraptionTM to look extra manly.
- Urban Statue Debris Hoist. Brought down any offensive Confederate statuary lately? The ContraptionTM makes clean up a breeze. Or, if it's your job to clean up after those thugs, get The ContraptionTM
- ATM hoist . Thought about "banking" at home at your own convenience? Get The ContraptionTM to bring home some bacon.
- Luggage lifter. Does your wife pack way too much luggage for those weekend forays to Canada or Florida? Do you feel helpless at curbside getting those bags into the Uber or Lyft trunk? Get The ContraptionTM
- Carjacker. Have you ever wished you had something that could get you quicker access beneath your vehicle on a crowded urban street? The ContraptionTM llets you raise and lower any vehicle with ease. Extra bright 12V lighting system optional.
- Road Blocker. Need help with traffic control at your next spontaneous street event? The ContraptionTM can help you set obstacles and erect barriers at your next event.
- Sex device. Ask spinelli about that. He suggested it.
6 comments:
Use the log like a cow catcher on the front of a train. Sweeps militant bikers, raging protesters, political canvassers, and other random SJWs out of your way.
Boy, you ain't right.
Er, I mean, why thank you CL, for the follow up.
Which reminds me - my doctor would always write on his instructions "FU next month". How rude, who did he think he was, Felix Unger?
Boy, you ain't right.
Truly LingoL
11. Firing up the creative juices of chickelit and dragging the bystanders along for the ride
I suppose you could use it to cart illegal votes at the last second to throw close races. Has the DNC reached out for you for a contract.
Clearing streets of Lefty protesters. Clearing borders. 1001 uses, as they used to say.
PS if it's a sex device, you must be dating women from the bariatric ward.
Sixty Grit said...
Which reminds me - my doctor would always write on his instructions "FU next month".
Sounds like the guy who came at Rand Paul with a hammer.
1.6 rating out of 5.
Hey, maybe I could build one for Rand Paul. He could place the end of the tongs in each ear of the neighbor, and away we go!
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