It always good to get noticed and appreciated for the good work you do.
It seems that the Hillary campaign has noticed all the good work I have been doing on the internet praising the Donald and advancing his candidacy. So the Troll Department of the International Left Wing Conspiracy asked me to come down to Hillary's headquarters to interview for a job trolling for the Clinton Campaign. They figure that anyone is for sale and they want the most effective advocates they can get. Whoopi Goldberg and Megyn Kelly are just not cutting it.
Since their headquarters are only about twenty five blocks away on Cadman Plaza West I decided to go down there to at least hear them out.
This is what Hillary's headquarters looks like. A vast sea of cubicles manned well mostly womened by sweaty unwashed Democratic operatives with only a passing relationship with soap or reality. They were all mesmerized by their computer screens but I noticed that most of them were surfing the web. As I understand it most of them were volunteers who are not paid but are hopeful of a government position once the spoils are split up. I think I saw the next Secretary of State playing Solitaire while eating Cheeto's at her desk.
The place was decorated with campaign memorabilia and photos of the candidate with supporters from all of the primary states. Each room in the vast complex was named for a particular stop in the primary race. I tried to see if their are any important documents laying around but it was basically take out menus and band flyer's. So I didn't get any good intel.
We did stop at the Hillary Dining Room for refreshments. They didn't have much. It seems that Hillary is on a strict diet. She only feeds on the blood of the innocent. So there wasn't a lot of selection like you would get at McDonalds when you are a low class Trump guy like me. I had to take a pass on the vegan menu.
We went into secret Fortress of Solitude vestibule where they keep the count of the delegates. They a have list of all the Bernie Sanders Delegates who have an appointment with a cannon in Fort Marcy Park. It was very impressive.
Unfortunately the compensation package they had for full time internet trolls was not anywhere near the Trump package. I mean an autographed photo of Chelsea Clinton and all the edamame you can eat doesn't compare to $1000 a week and an unlimited pass to the all you can eat buffet at the Trump Taj Mahal. They call that the Chris Christie package. Even the Ben Carson package of a bottle of Night Train and a bucket of chicken beats that one out. So I had to turn it down.
I think that will make Bags and April happy. They will still have old Trooper to kick around.
33 comments:
Lemme guess, so white you'd swear it was a media image of what a Republican HQ looked like.
Bingo my friend.
By the way for certain very literal types this was a joke. Trump is not paying me anything. Okey Dokey.
A fine piece of investigative reporting, Scoop.
The first pic has the poster hanging by clips with text:
“I’m a progressive who gets things done.”
That is a good slogan for HRC. I know many progressives who love the Bern, but think he won’t be able to get elected. (they are right)
I don’t think she really is progressive either, but it is a good slogan for her.
Thanks for the field trip Troop.
Glad to know you are engaged!
How about Cthulhu's lair."
I thought you meant hair.
Which leads to the obviously question, which hair? I assumed the stuff growing on her back.
Top sleuthing.
The belly of the beast has a "snack city" that does not look at all healthy. And playing solitaire on the computer all day is not ergonomically optimal. Looks like someone (a prigressuve who gets things done) needs an unscheduled OSHA inspection, stat.
Thanks for touring hell so we don't have to. You're a Trooper.
Sometimes a man has to go undercover to report on the under the covers stuff.
This is what happens when you can't drink anymore, you go to Hillary Headquarters on St. Patrick's Day.*
* of course Troop usually skipped St. Paddy's and New Years Eve to avoid the amateurs.
Well, I did my part. I wore green and since I'm a pale ginger I almost passed as a son of the sod.
Although I drew the line at the full Irish breakfast some of the Irish pubs serve around here. Who can keep all that down? Bacon and sausage and beans and bacon and fried eggs and potatoes and bacon and soda bread and bacon! I can hardly keep a bagel down. And ham. I left out ham. And guinness. For breakfast! Not me.
There are a lot of Irish-Americans in upstate New York but you'd hardly know it the other 365 days of this 366 day leap year.
Troop - the raised eyebrow is a nice touch.
Why does she wear those silly large round collar outfits? Is she trying to summon Jackie O?
Everything this women does is a sneaky manipulated tested propaganda move.
I hope you were able to accomplish some mild sabotage.
Actually I was sabotaged myself.
When I got home I had explosive violent diarrhea.
Whatever that means?
We told you not to touch anything. Bill's STD germs travel thru the air and land on surfaces and can cause diarrhea.
Trolling the trolls. Love it.
"Why does she wear those silly large round collar outfits? Is she trying to summon Jackie O?"
Because they suit her. She's wearing a lot of the Fifties maternity look for obvious reasons, but I think they flatter her much more than the hideous pantsuits she used to wear.
Did you notice that her logo arrow is pointed right at your head? SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM!
@ Deborah - She needs all the help she can get.
Sixty - exactly. It's worse than "cross hairs".
Where are her hands? Why are you grinning?
Other so-called progressives have pointed out that the arrow in her big "H" points to the right.
How she will govern is of course unknown, but promised to be one big, pointless egomaniacal and condescending mess. And yet, should we really be convinced that she'd be that much different from an establishment Republican? She's a hawk who needs bombs to prove how big her balls are, and a rank financial opportunist. But a more calculating liar who doesn't even want to believe what establishment Republicans say they want to believe. She will be more authoritarian than any of them.
Other than that, you're looking healthy, Troop! Stay well.
That is a good slogan for HRC. I know many progressives who love the Bern, but think he won’t be able to get elected. (they are right)
Why do his proposals always poll the best then, and why does he always poll the best in any electoral match-up against anyone else?
You know how I'm skeptical of your statement? Chris Matthews (aka Tweety Lickspittle) agrees with you. And everything Chris Matthews says is bullshit.
The reason his mouth is so overwatered with extra saliva dripping out of it is so he can be prepared in case the next ass he has to lick is drier than usual.
“I’m a progressive who gets things done.”
Which begs the question of what kinds of "things" she will get done.
Maybe the kinds of things that enrich their power, reach and ability to fly around the world in private planes with pedophiles to islands filled with all sorts of strange parties going on.
More money from Goldman Sachs.
Those types of things.
Chris Matthews actually thought that the concerns of working Americans weren't competing with foreign labor, or bad trade deals, or a passpoor safety net, but stocks.
Can you believe that? Stocks. 401ks.
Half of all households make less than $50,000 annually (a quarter make less than $25,000) and he thinks their big concern is mutual fund performance.
What a ridiculous asshat.
Well based on her volunteers we know what doesn't get done.
Laundry. Just sayn'
There must of been many lesbos and were they serving tuna fish?
Dykes love fish.
Tons Titus. Lots of your friends too. In fact I think a majority. By quite a margin.
Seems to be alternative motive. I thought I saw you there on more than one occasion
A true trump supporter would have burst into flames if they ever stepped one foot in that place.
You are so silly Trump fan.
When you live in New York you have to live a lie. So you get used to it.
Sort of like the Commie spies in the Americans.
R&B:Why do his proposals always poll the best then, and why does he always poll the best in any electoral match-up against anyone else?
Cause Progs love the Sanders' crazy socialist Uncle shtick. I'm not so sure he does poll better 'always', I think he does well in the NE and in urban pockets, and on Universities- but not so well in a larger sense.
I'm lousy at links but I thought this was an interesting read:
http://thefederalist.com/2016/03/14/want-to-fix-congress-add-5500-new-representatives/
The thesis is that a single house member represents 3/4 of a million people and that ratio is way out of balance from what the founders envisioned in a lower house. I've been unhappy with feeling that no one in congress represents 'me' or my interests. I'm also amazed that we have no Green Party reps, or libertarians, or social democrats, or constitutionals, or any of the dozen or more points of view. The choice is: coke or pepsi- and not a lot of difference between them.
The article does not go into it, but if we did have a congress with 6K members then the electoral college would expand as well. If more state legislators would proportion their electoral votes rather than winner take all then I think we all might be closer to a more pure representational democracy.
Or maybe not- just interesting to think about.
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