Le Grande Orange......is being squeezed

Friends ask for prayers for Mets icon Rusty Staub New York Post  by Mike Puma 

 PORT ST. LUCIE — Friends of Rusty Staub were requesting prayers for the Mets icon on Friday, as he battles kidney failure in a West Palm Beach hospital. Modal Trigger Staub in 1984AP

The 73-year-old Staub, a popular player in two stints with the Mets, has not been responding to dialysis, according to a friend. Staub usually attends the New York Baseball Writers’ dinner each January, but was absent from the event this year because of health. Staub suffered a heart attack in October 2015 on a flight home from Ireland and was revived by two doctors on board. The plane returned to Ireland, where Staub was hospitalized before he was transported home.

Staub played 23 seasons in the major leagues and is most remembered by Mets fans for his role on the 1973 NL pennant-winning team.

(I always disliked Rusty Staub. I thought he was the perfect embodiment of the Mets. Big Mouth. Overrated. Gay.

I met him a couple of times at his rib joint in Midtown. It was in a hole in the wall off of Fifth Avenue in a very narrow space. It was right next to a record store as I recall. Some big deal like Tower or J&R or something. I forget which one it was. It seems like it was a long time ago.

I remember when I was in there one lunchtime with this Chinese friend of mine. Rusty comes over and starts to hit on him. I had to laugh My other buddy who was there was a big time Mets fan and I always busted his balls about the Mets. I got a lot of mileage out of that one.

After lunch we went to the record store. There was this manager who was a cute blond who the Chinese guy had a crush on. But he was afraid to up to talk to her. He was fresh out of college and naive as fuck. So I go up to her on the sly and go "You should go question that guy" as I pointed to my friend. "He has a CD in his pants." He turned purple. "She goes Do you really have a CD in your pants?" I go "Yeah. A Chinese dick. Slow play." She started laughing her ass off. You see she was a bar babe I had met the night before  in the Quiet Man and she was in on the joke. I almost gave Hop Sing a heart attack. Good times.

Still I wish him well. I am astounded he lasted this long. I mean he navigated the AIDS crisis without missing a beat.

Anyhoo I wish him the best and I hope he beats this.

You want you eclipse glasses? I got your eclipse glasses right here....

So everybody is losing their shit about the solar eclipse. The wife loves this bullshit and she ordered our special protective glasses a month ago. But guess what? They screwed up the shipping. They had the zip code off by one number and it was returned. When we got the tracking number and I called the post office and they told me it was sent back and there was nothing they could do.

I called the company and they said they couldn't send it back until they got it. They were sold out. So we were screwed. Again.

We went on line to buy them. Of course the prices were outrageous. Most of the vendors were sold out. We finally contacted the company that makes them and they would only sell us 25 pieces. With overnight shipping and Saturday delivery we paid through the balls. We wouldn't even be there in time for the delivery so I had them shipped to the pet food store that opens at 8AM.

So I take out our glasses and put a sign outside. We were selling them for $15 a pair. Seems like a lot right? Well I just told the people look you can buy it or buy two cups of coffee at the new coffee shop on the corner that is paying $18,500 a month rent. You don't want it? Fuck you with a rusty spoon.

I sold them all in two hours.

This craze reminds me of  the cabbage patch Dolls. Remember that craze? Well I have a funny story about that.

Tales of New York

So today is a beautiful spring like day. I was walking to the store and I saw a beautiful New York Scene. A little bit of a cliché but still a Tale of New York.

You see there were four motorcycle cops lazing around and joking and laughing. In front of a Donut Shop. I had to immortalize it without getting arrested. Of course they were so lazy they didn't even notice.

Listen there is nobody more Law and Order than me. No not the commie TV series but the fact that we need to keep the knuckleheads under control. But that doesn't blind me to the faults of the police. The biggest of which is that they are just lazy bastards.

The motorcycle cops are supposed to be the elite. Better trained. Used for special details. I bet they were protecting someone who was eating in the Marco Polo restaurant. Or it could be that they are just lazy bastards.

Still it isn't that often that you get to see a living breathing walking talking farting belching cliché in action. I had to immortalize it for posterity.