Friday, March 27, 2020

On Waiting for the Word, Finding Balance, and Feat of Klee

Earlier in the week, I came upon the word “Shellshock” as the title of a post by J. Treacher.  Without agreeing to the rest of what he’d written, I appreciated finding that word and these from him as they helped me recognize what I was experiencing, and move from there to  find a sense of center and balance again:  You'd have to be crazy not to be scared right now. This is all happening too fast, there's too much information and misinformation and disinformation getting blasted at you all at once, and the consequences of everything that's happening are too big to wrap your head around. It's hard to know what's going on or who to trust.   While that may seem over the top or too much for some here, it resonated with me.

Following edutcher’s nut-shell declaration and encapsulation of stir crazy as one description of what could be experienced by the many who've been following the 15 Days to STS and state issued stay at home directives, I kept looking for a word or way to describe what I was feeling, which wasn’t stir crazy and didn’t involve panic yet included an underlying sense of fear and dread, along with a strong lack of trust. I wasn’t trusting myself not to be careless in washing, face-touching or contact with surfaces and things coming into my house, while also not trusting the honesty and motives of those who were providing information and guidance, and making life affecting decisions.  Where to obtain reliable information was a struggle, along with determining how much time and energy I wanted to spend immersing myself in looking for it. I’d felt  troubled and confounded by my inability to pull away from all that was going on (even without any MSM contact) and engage in fruitful or creative activity beyond immediate self care and life maintenance. 

As a trauma survivor, my own fear of being powerless in the face of threat, bodily harm, loss, or death is easily activated.  The old neural pathways are still there, like worn ruts in the road for me to fall back into, and it takes a conscious effort on my part to remain present, recognize reality, reach out,  find balance and move forward in truth and grace. 

Looking into "shellshock" helped me understand what was rattling in me, and Paul Klee's Tightrope Walker, pictured above, served as the visual that allowed me to use my imagination to "see" what was happening and needed at the crossroads where feeling and thought come together in integration to result in the action of a next step. (In resurrecting the Kandinsky book, I'd also picked up the one on Klee and it was sitting next to me by the computer when I happened to open it while listening to one of the daily WH Press conferences, saw the Tightrope Walker and thought, Yes this is it!  This is what I am doing right now, what the president is doing, what our nation is doing and what the world is attempting to do--walk the tightrope and survive!) 

The Twittering Machine pictured below was done by Klee in 1922.  It preceded The Tightrope Walker by a year, which intrigued me as a fitting sequence in light of the twitterings and turning of the crank that have been taking place at all levels.  

Although both pictures were created a lifetime ago, they offer visuals that invites present-day recognition and awareness as we seek wisdom, accept responsibility, hold onto hope, look for light in darkness, and respond as needed to ongoing encounters with gravity and levity.  

From a personal, national or global point of view, art, which sometimes has the ability to include and transcend each, can serve as an invite.  

Who or what is turning your crank?  What tightrope are you walking?  What's helping you find balance?  What crossroads have you reached?  What direction are you heading?     


In the Comments: Dad Bones said:

Shellshock is a good word. I heard the gun go off and it sounded kinda close but AFAIK I didn't get hit nor did anyone I know. How much longer will I be able to say that? Or will it eventually just fade away because it wanted to and not because of anything we did to protect ourselves from it? I wouldn't know. I'm just another civilian in this war.

18 comments:

The Dude said...

I have been a big fan of Klee for many decades. I like the ones you posted today - my first impression of The Tightrope Walker was on of perspective - in the drafting or illustration sense. Clearly Klee was a good draftsman, but as I look at it a bit more I see he is indicating the rigging that holds up the tightrope. I also saw a musical staff, and an F clef, but who knows - perhaps that is just be how he represented the engineering aspects of the wire walker's trade.

In The Twittering Machine I see an actual crankshaft driven by a handle, almost like a whirligig, with the birds riding on the crank throws. I also see the safety net that the tightrope walker needs, but it ended up under the birds. Interesting.

As for what I am doing - same ol' same ol' - I mean to the point of boring repetitiveness - running, walking and working. Walkies have mostly been cancelled due to weather - either it has been too cold, too rainy or, as is predicted for tomorrow, too hot. So I take my dog out by myself and neither of us get to socialize even a little bit.

Work has been productive, should market ever return I will have some nice new stuff. Running - some days I get some extra laps in, but I will never be a runner, that's for sure. But it keeps me breathing and I like it.

I have watched too much television, which is not good - but I only have Prime and Netflix, so no MSM creeps into my house.

Oh yeah, today I disassembled an old lawn mower that had ended up at my house - pulled the pieces parts that I might need on my current mower and put the rest into the roll out cart. Buh bye.

I also journeyed to the post office to mail some packages - the local one was closed because the machine broke so I had to go downtown, where all the lights are bright, etc. People were keeping their distance and I thanked the clerk for doing his job and he appreciated the courtesy.

I am also doing yard work, but that's traditional around here. Dragged a bunch of brush and built a fire today. Swept out my shop. Maybe, if this thing drags on long enough, I will sweep out my house. Ha!

One thing I have been doing is reaching out to people I know using various messaging techniques. I am a homebody, so this time is not particularly challenging for me. Most people are much more social and I know it is taking a toll on some of them. So I just keep in touch electronically, take their temperature, as it were, and I find that helps me move my focus off of my own situation, and that helpful to me as well.

Now that we have a state-wide don't-leave-home order I think I might make some longer term plans. Maybe clean out some of the storage buildings and use up the wood that I have gathered over the years - what the hey - my schedule is kind of open-ended now, might as well make the most of it.

How's that for a plan, eh?

ricpic said...

Hi All. I was told that folks here are concerned about me. I'm fine.

I decided to stop posting because of me. Not because of anyone here.

I feel nothing but affection and respect for all of you. No bull.

It just got to the point where the foolish posts, my foolish posts, had to stop.

I won't even try to explain the above. It would get too messy.

Okay, I owe you more than that. It's about unreasonable demands.

On me. On you.

Love.

Bye.

MamaM said...

I appreciate your return to comment, ricpic. I wish it wasn't good-bye. I'll miss you. I hope you'll consider coming back to drop a line as it works for you. I've a fondness for your posts and poems in particular. Going back years. That fondness is accompanied by regard and the awareness that differing or out of the ordinary perspectives (of the kind often expressed in music, poetry and art) tend to prompt the kind of insight that can't be easily measured or expressed.

Maybe this is the place to add, as my way of saying what matters to me, how several recent posts and comments, foolish and otherwise, have touched and blessed my life, providing something of value that extends beyond the personal foibles and beliefs of the posters to affect awareness and create shift.

One experience of that has been the Kandinsky-Klee-Kazoo-Konnection that came through Sixty and was egged on (and encouraged) by deborah. Another one that loudly (ribaldly) and quietly took place a few weeks ago resulted in a benefit realized this past Wed as I was trying to work through the shellshock.

I can't say where or how this actually started, but Trooper's recent fixation on Tom Jones prompted a There Are No Words post by him on FEb 19 of Tom and Tina Turner singing together, which yielded a comment from someone (several someones) providing info about Tina's life, including her kidney transplant and life in Switzerland, along with a link by DadBones to her autobiography. Based on that, I ordered that book on the cheap from Abesbook and in reading through it came to a part where she mentioned several of the books she'd taken with her to read while she was on dialysis, and I ordered one of those books as well.

On Wed. when I went to the art studio, I had one of her mentioned books with me in my bag. As I sat there in the quiet wondering how to move forward, I go it out and happened to open it to a page that contained the words I needed to hear along with an exercise for the release of held emotion. I decided to try it. As I did, a memory, a picture, and a poem came to mind. The closed door to my right brain opened again, with words and thoughts flowing like water past the control that had closed it with the crisis. From there I set out the paints, started on a new painting and returned home that night with a renewed sense of peace, center and purpose, enough finish this post.

And that's how one thing mysteriously leads to another without awareness, recognition, or intent on our part. I'm grateful when that happens.

I also recall mention of an art show in Appalachia a while back that provided me with encouragement during a time when I needed it, as I looked through the online paintings and read about the lives of the artists. I didn't tell the person who posted that comment how much it meant, as it took several days for the substance experienced to settle as life (and blogs comments) moved on. Yet it mattered.

A faithful journey always does, for us and those whose lives we touch, with and without our awareness.

edutcher said...

Thank you, Mama, I had no idea I was so influential.

On another front

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Charmin's back,
Mr Whipple came through


Off brands, but a bit of hope.

The Dude said...

ricpic, you are a good guy. I hope your roof holds up, that your septic system remains intact and that your house similarly remains in good repair.

Do well, my friend, you have been a blessing to us all.

ndspinelli said...

ric is back and Sixty is channeling Sling Blade. It's all good.

The Dude said...

Good point, Nick, the first thing I pulled off the old lawnmower was the blade - what do you know - it was brand new - I must have installed it just before the engine stopped working. Now I can replace the used one on my current mower and I should be set for as long as the both of us shall remain.

"I lahk 'em taters, mm hmm..."

Dad Bones said...

Great post, MamaM, a universal description of what the world is going through now.

Shellshock is a good word. I heard the gun go off and it sounded kinda close but AFAIK I didn't get hit nor did anyone I know. How much longer will I be able to say that? Or will it eventually just fade away because it wanted to and not because of anything we did to protect ourselves from it? I wouldn't know. I'm just another civilian in this war.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

timely good question for me to tell you guys about what's happening with me, since i let you guys in about my personal financial situation one year ago this month. Link

Time flies.

I was going to wait until the machine (breathalyzer) on the van your generosity helped me purchase, was taken off next year, in order to start paying an old IRS debt i took on when i made a couple of hefty early withdrawals from my 401k, 10 years ago.

As you can imagine the interests and penalties ballooned like the Wuhan flu map over Wuhan China.

So, after an unsuccessful attempt at handling it myself over the phone with a seemingly inflexible IRS agent, earlier today i hired the folks at Community Tax to see if they could shave off some of that crazy amount.

I'm making progress. Though I've also had some drawbacks.

Uber thinks the old van cramps their style... or something. So they offer me the Uber-Eats gig, instead of driving people around. I jumped over to Lyft

Ain't competition swell?

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

As far as the virus is concerned, it hasn't affected my Lyfting all that much, because I'm doing it part time. I've kept the daytime Job at the warehouse in Jersey City. And my goodness is that popping as a result of the virus fears.

See, ironically enough Dollar Tree and Family dollar (both Chinese owned i believ) are selling more now, because of the virus fears, than ever before. So they are throwing incentives at us to help them meet the demands. We sort the merch and load them into another truck headed for the stores. We are barely keeping up.

I swear, one truck had enough TP to wipe Australia's ass for a month.

I've been busy.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

*link

The Dude said...

Hey, that's a good looking van. Uber needs to get over themselves!

ndspinelli said...

Good hearing from you, Lem. Here's an Uber Eats story. My sister donated a kidney to my brother a few years ago @ Mass General in Boston. As they recovered, I ordered 3 pizzas from Pizzeria Regina in the north end delivered by Uber. The driver was good. He tried to deliver them but the hospital doesn't allow it. I called the nurse station and they said they're not even allowed to bring in delivery themselves. So, I called the driver and told him to keep the pizzas. He started in right away.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Thanks everybody.

chickelit said...

"Klee" means clover in German which can mean good luck as in four-leaved clover.

You guys blow me away with your erudition.

chickelit said...

Glad to read that you're well, Lem.

You too, ricpic.

MamaM said...

Sometimes an experience or rendition of "same-ol', same-ol'" normalcy can be reassuring, SixtyG. And sometimes seemingly boring repetitiveness (or even questionable foolishness) can serve as a gift. Especially so in times of unprecedented limitation, stall, and chaos. Thank you for that.

After your perspective on Klee added what another pair of eyes was seeing to what I'd seen and overlooked, I opened another book that had been on the shelf for a while, The Story of Painting (published in 1970-- fifty years ago!-- containing with more color plates than could be afforded these days, yet available now for $3.00 online) to see what Sister Wendy had to say; and found this reference to music: "Paul Klee was an introverted Swiss painter who spent most of his adult life in Germany until he was expelled by the Nazis in 1933. His work is impossible to clarify except to say that it is hardly ever entirely abstract--but equally is never truly realistic. He has a natural sensitivity to music, the least material of the Arts and it runs through all his work..."

As for ricpic, I can only sigh, say again that I'll miss him, and pin to this thread the fact that Corot's painting of Chartres Cathedral not only hangs in the Louvre, a small computer print of it is also pinned on the wall of my studio next to my thoughtful spot as a result of his one-comment mention of that artist and work. You never know where some foolishness will lead, from idea to brick to building and beyond.

DadBones, as with shellshock, your expansion hit the spot. I'll see if I can do like other blogs and add your comment to the post.

And Lem--a year ago this month!!! Along with the progress and drawbacks, a lot of navigation, perseverance, and untangling seems to have taken place, with Lyft coming and Levity returning!! Is it too corny to say I'm proud of you? It's true. With all the leavetaking and social distancing that's been happening, I’m feeling less and less inclined to ignore the importance of personal story and heart, which often runs unnoticed with an ongoing beat, under the showier drama of snaps, clicks, tweets and zings

chickelit, your use of erudite intrigued me and looking it up took me back to rudis, the raw material from which it grew. Thanks for that too. Here’s a fun fact on the rudimentary nature of the blue evident in your avatar, under and around the hat: "During the Renaissance true blue, sometimes called ultramarine blue, was five times more expensive than gold. Its color was derived from lapis lazuli, a rare, semiprecious gemstone mined almost exclusively in Afghanistan since the 6th century, and imported to Europe through Venice"

MamaM said...

Continued

Thankfully, the two weeks of self-quarantine I entered into when the three Mmen returned from travels involving potential virus exposure, has passed with no symptoms to date. During that time, however, the 2 cases in MI grew to almost 6K; with Gov. Whitmer's confusing and peculiarly explained (compared to other state's) and randomly enforced Stay Home, Stay Safe order (with $500 fines reportedly being imposed by local sheriffs in some counties with one and two cases of the virus confirmed) in effect until the 13th. Today, however, the blameshifting present in her previous remarks was toned down as she focused on need, appreciation and her desire for everyone to work together. This came after she was publicly admonished by the President on Friday for her attitude, and referred to by him on Twitter as Gov. Gretchen "Half" Whitmer. For as blunt and crude as Trump’s handling of the situation was, it served to spotlight the ineptitude, partisanship, and lack of competency and leadership she'd been revealing. While there’ll likely be more hell for him to pay down the road for saddling her with that name/insult, he called her out and let the residents of MI know someone else was aware of the “half-job" she’d been doing to date. (“Half job” is a term MrM likes to use to describe work that hasn't been handled responsibility or completed as needed) “Fix the damn roads!” was the platform she ran on in 2018, and she has yet to do what’s needed to see that imperative fulfilled.

And if Mr Wipple and edutcher were to agree on something they hold it common, it might this: “I had no idea I was so influential”