Judging by traffic it was a very good day to get things done. But once inside the places I went were all crowded. People were busy. Not the usual lallygags.
I bothered them anyway. A woman recognized me and said,"Hi." All she wanted to do was acknowledge me. But I stretched it out. I stretched everything out. I asked her, "get anything for Mother's Day?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a few things."
"Did your kids call?"
"Yes. They all called. And the ones here gave me breakfast, a card, some candy, and jewelry."
"Any flowers?" There were other people around. We were moving through them. They were moving through us. They're all overhearing this.
"Yes. I got a very nice bunch of flowers."
And so it went. I made a nuisance of myself. On purpose. In each instance I took it far as it would go. I used anything and everything as wedge to conversation.
I must take my blood pressure while I am out. I was instructed to write down the results. I walked around looking for a pen. I found one. A young man was standing nearby. I asked him, "Is it the 11th?"
He said, "No. It's the 12th. And the only reason I know that is because it's Mother's Day.
"Thank you. Did you call your mother?" This was the theme of the day. I'm almost curious about what they say. But you know they're all going to say the same things.
"Yes, I did."
This was the natural point for our conversation to end. I was done and he had no reason to hang around. But I was in the mood for bothering people. I was challenging people to talk to me.
I told him about the time that I was at my parent's house on Mother's Day and observed florists delivering flowers through the day from my four siblings. So I had Mother's view of Mother's Day. My sibs were all doing the same thing. I put on my old woman voice and imitated my mother telling my father that only one more kid needs to call. "All my kids called me except Jimmy." Then finally James called and she announced with no little satisfaction, "There. All my children called me."
She's going to tell that to everyone.
No matter the discussion of each call. No matter any information exchanged. The point is she needed a call from each kid. And she was counting. She'd be diminished without them. And that tells you to be sure to call on days that aren't Mother's Day.
He said, "I call my mom everyday. Almost. Or every other day."
"Well, that's just bugging the shit out of her."
"No. She likes it. If I don't call her then she calls me."
"What is she a helicopter mom, or what?"
"She doesn't live here. She's taking care of my dad. My dad has Alzheimer's and my mom is his only care. We talk almost everyday. We talk about my father. We talk about the things that come up. We talk about the challenges that keep happening. We talk about to handle things.She tells me everything and we discuss what we should do. I tell her how my life is going here and we talk to help each other through what is happening."
"Wow. Just wow. I'm humbled. I am glad you told me this. Young Man, you made my whole day. You warmed my heart with your story of filial loyalty and dedication."
"Thank you for that compliment. You made my day for listening. Thank you for giving me the chance."
8 comments:
Given the words used to describe these encounters which either mask or reveal motive I can't decide between:
A penny for your thoughts.
What's your two cents?
Five cents, please!
Pay me a dollar and I'll leave you alone.
What impresses me most about the young man's response to the botheration is his repeated use of the words "we talk" as he describes a way of relating that reflects respect and mutuality. Chances are good he learned that from his mom early on through lived experience. It shows up as well in his response to the compliment given.
What are the odds that a genuine desire to love, honor, and cherish are behind the filial duty and dedication noted?
You're a total stranger and the young man tells you his father has Alzheimer's? I'm not saying it didn't happen but it would never happen to me. Of course I get dirty looks from checkout girls without even opening my mouth so the plane I exist on is quite different. Not complaining. Reality is what it is.
At one place, I told the checkout clerk, "Man, am I glad that you're here."
He looked at me. He's having a hard day.
"Because I cannot live without you."
And now he's fairly convinced I'm a weirdo.
The previous customer is on his phone. Not yet out of my way. His call ends and he overhears me tell the clerk, "I tried living without you but I just couldn't."
Clerk goes, "Yeah?"
This is starting to sound like I'm a crackpot in unrequited love, "Yes. Because I cannot do the self checkout with a cart filled this much."
Now it's clear. I'm telling him that he is a lot better at this than I am. The self-help stations don't work well when you have a lot of stuff. They're just not set up for it.
I started to bag my own stuff.
A young female clerk came up and told me to let her do it.
We talked about finding money in my pants, about her blaming her brother for stealing a 20 dollar bill and then finding it, about plastic bags not deteriorating, the first clerk added that the bags really do not deteriorate, I said that's hard to accept because you see them blowing around in bad shape.
That discussion took up the whole time he checked through a full cart.
They both talked. Quite a lot, actually. And all I had to do was say something. All I had to do is acknowledge that they're people, not robots. They can talk about things unrelated to work. They're actually happy to discuss something not work-related. Because they have that all day long. This is a realization that came fairly late in life. Up until recently all these people were props in the place with one function only. Saying something like, "Did you call your mom?" changes the dynamic that predominates.
There were a lot of other interactions that I didn't mention. I spoke to every single person that I encountered. I really stretched out the whole thing. Half never got anywhere. People I passed by more than once. "You're a fast shopper" and then later, "You again!" A lot of people do not have any time to fuck around. They're in/out types.
I left out two young women buying mozzarella. "What are you going to make with that?"
That's a rather intrusive question. None of my business. But she told me, "Caprese salad."
I was hoping you'd say, "pizza."
That led into a conversation about salads and pizzas. Her friend joined her and now I'm talking to two women. I brag about my mad salad skills. And about my insane pizza skills. The two girls are actually interested. They're trying to learn. They ask me for cooking tips. I explain the key elements that make what I do a bit different. She said, "Maybe we should come over and make pizza." I said "Yes. I want to do that. I want to show people how to make pizza. It's one of my life ambitions." But they did not take the bait so I did not press on by giving them my address. But I really was willing to do that. Our conversation was longer. I'm leaving out details. The point is, she was in her own bubble, in her mozzarella-choosing world focused on picking up the right one when I rolled up and broke through.
It's a thing that I do now. And it's a thing that is completely age-related. This is all part of my older-me self. I was never like this when I was younger. I isolated myself in my own bubble to avoid interaction. And now I'm different. And that changes things considerably.
Just occurred to me: did anyone here wish MamaM a Happy Mother's Day?
Happy Mother's Day, MamaM.
On a light note, I overheard a woman ask someone (don't know if he was related or not) whether he was going to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. His response? "Make me a sandwich." I kid you not.
The story presented reveals one person's approach and viewpoint.
In determining how one wishes to relate to others, answers to the following pertain:
Am I interested in provoking responses from people I meet while shopping?
Do I want to challenge strangers to talk to me?
Am I willing to commit to bothering someone who is busy?
Am I interested in stretching things out?
Do I enjoy or get something from making a nuisance of myself on purpose?
Am I almost curious about what others are going to say, but not quite because I already know in advance that they are ALL going to say the same thing?
Do I like to test and play games with people?
If the answer is yes to the above, you may perchance encounter someone who is polite enough, honest enough, and healthy enough to sincerely and openly respond to you in grace and truth.
Thank You ricpic. I had a very good day, a happy day I dare say, that unfolded without plans for anything special other than the possibility of dinner together at night, and it ended up including several gifts of good things done and shared.
I woke up to find MrM in the garage putting together the two metal garden benches I'd ordered from Wal-Mart; and they are now pleasingly situated in the yard, one in front and one in back inviting a reflective or restive sit.
We then figured out together where to put the new Droll Yankee bird feeder post and hanger (with the squirrel and raccoon baffle) I'd bought during the winter when the ground was still frozen, and it's now up and running.
After that, we talked about the best way to situate and attach a Sunshade over the shadeless and hot-in-the-summer pergola that came with the house, and with much discussion, a ladder and rope it was effectively deployed, with another right triangle shade ordered to complete the feat.
While I spent time resting my knees and electronically ruminating on the definition and Levity of Bitch, the two electronically inclined M's went to the soon-to-be art studio to put up two new lighting fixtures there. Since the building's wiring turned out to be the type installed from 1880 to 1940, goodwill was tested in that arena before the lights were up and on.
I spent the late afternoon outdoors situating my flower pots, and blowing off the deck while the Mmen talked about vehicle maintenance and wiring challenges with ancient buildings, and then MrM turned on the grill and fixed dinner for us while I cleared things up outside, brought in a pansy bouquet and set the porch table.
Following dinner I was surprised with the gift of a carved stone Boulder Cat to go in my deck garden and the day was complete.
None of it expected, all of it enjoyed!
If the answer is yes to the above, you may perchance encounter someone who is polite enough, honest enough, and healthy enough to sincerely and openly respond to you in grace and truth.
As an addendum to that, you may also meet those who don't know how to set or maintain healthy boundaries, say "No" to nice, rebuff someone who is attempting to inveigle them into a conversation, or turn down a con. These are people who will let themselves get trapped by someone who wants something from them and not know how to disengage or walk away without feeling guilty or "bad", which is often how situations in which abuse takes place get started.
Accosting and waylaying strangers in a grocery store on Mother's Day doesn't sound like something a stoic would do. Just sayin'
Grief over loss and death has a tendency to show up in some peculiar and unexpected ways.
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