Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Grand Inquisitrix

'For now' (she is speaking of the Inquisition, of course) 'for the first time it has become possible to think of the happiness of men. Man was created a rebel; and how can rebels be happy? Thou wast warned,' she says to Him. 'Thou hast had no lack of admonitions and warnings, but Thou didst not listen to those warnings; Thou didst reject the only way by which men might be made happy. But, fortunately, departing Thou didst hand on the work to us, the DNC. Thou hast promised, Thou hast established by Thy word, Thou hast given to us the right to tax and to untax, to bind and to unbind, to feed, to clothe, and to heal. Man does not live by blog alone.  And now, of course, Thou canst not think of taking it away. Why, then, hast Thou come to hinder us?' 
~Excerpted from "The Brother's Karma's Off" by Inga DoesPee'offsky

27 comments:

deborah said...

So this isn't with an Awnode voice, but Natasha of Bullwinkle fame?

Icepick said...

Shouldn't there be a Crack MC label?

chickelit said...

Icepick said...
Shouldn't there be a Crack MC label?

Follow the link to see why it's Inga.

Follow the "parody" tag to see the earlier Crack parody

chickelit said...

But ISWYDT, Icepick

deborah said...

I suppose you know this, but you can record a chirbit with an in-computer camera. I think I read that you can upload just the sound?

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Watching the game upstairs with my father visiting from Ga. Its magic. Pedroia just hit a double

chickelit said...

I didn't rewrite the text much because I wanted tp portray Inga as representing the Democrat party which seeks in many ways to supplant the Christian religion with its own ethics, morals and codes.

On second thought, it occurred to me that by symmetry, Obama could be cast as the Messiah figure here and he could be interrogated by the proverbial Ted Cruz. That's the version that Inga would write, what with her comparison of the Tea Party the Inquisition.

deborah said...

She's really dialing them up over there.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Big papi is locked in said Joe Buck ... and he is.

Chip Ahoy said...

Speaking of butting in, my guess is that Superman would give a guy one hell of an enema.

No, I don't think so, bottom, and not just regular bottom either, power bottom. And not just regular human power bottom, superhuman demanding power bottom.

FUCKEMEHARDERISAID! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

Oh, I'm sorry, wrong thread. Apologies all over the place. This should go down there ↓↓↓.

Just as well, I don't understand this anyway. For that was in the past, long ago, in my room... way a the end of the hall I sit and stare at the wall, each day is just like the last for I live ... in the pa... hang on. Apologies again. Time warp there.

...and that's just what I'll do ... and onea these days these boots are gonn...a walk all over you dum dum dum dum dum dum boom titty boom titty boom titty boom titty boom titty boom

deborah said...

lol

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

In comes lights out Breslow, the smartest pitcher on two legs.

ndspinelli said...

Inga must have taken some Middle East Studies @ Marquette when she was earning her BA and MS in nursing. She's dumber than a box of fuckin' rocks.

ndspinelli said...

If Chick could perfect his knuckleball he'd be the smartest pitcher in baseball.

Oh and Lem, smart pitchers don't make stupid throws into left field allowing an unearned run. Chick never would have made that stupid play.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

Breslow was not lights out this time

Birches said...

Yep. Worst play ever. Although I'm pulling for the Cardinals, so I don't mind so much.

Birches said...

The commenting quality at TOP is meh. Honestly, there's too much fawning and butt kissing.

Palladian said...

I HATE SPORTS! Can't you people stop shoving it in our faces?? Don't you have your own places for that sort of thing?!

deborah said...

Palladian, the guys are hot! Can't you just turn off the sound and enjoy?

deborah said...

Birches, I only skim the comments...so they're still crazy about her :)

chickelit said...

Why does there always seem to be a new updated version of iTunes for Mac every week? Always with a new unreadable legal contract. What is so fucking important that they have to tweak every week?

deborah said...

It's all of them. I'm constantly asked to update adobe.

Palladian said...

What is so fucking important that they have to tweak every week?

Because they so royally fucked up iTunes 11 that they're patching holes in a sinking ship. I stuck with the last iteration of 10.

Don't even mention the abominable iOS 7.

I miss Steve Jobs.

Aridog said...

deborah said...

It's all of them. I'm constantly asked to update adobe.

Adobe free updates are updates to a-l-w-a-y-s avoid. Never upload them. Never never never ever.

I am 101.5% convinced Adobe pushes you toward buying new versions by introducing malfeasance in their free updates.

Why yes, I am wearing my tinfoil hat.

Aridog said...

Need to add about Adobe Acrobat....

I have perfectly legal, paid for, versions 6 and 8 that both still work perfectly where installed now...so long as no one uploads any of the updates Adobe suggests.

Really. Just plain clean installs of the VI or VIII versions work perfectly....only if unadorned. (6 in now on my laptop and 8 is now on better half's PC) I didn't get it back then and updated and never ceased having problems thereafter.

That's why I now have #10, or Acrobat Pro X, and will never update it. New feature is introduced I will just buy the new version complete.

deborah said...

Is there any way to stop the constant request to update. That is the little reminder tag that comes up every time you log on?

Aridog said...

Deborah ...yes, you can stop the little notifications if you are one Windows 7. You left click on the "hidden icons" tab in the "task tray" menu, then left click on the word "customize" that appears at the bottom of the hidden icon panel. From that you should see a list of task tray icons and selections on how you wish to handle them.

This might be true of Windows 8 as well, but I haven't tried it there. On Windows XP you can use "task manager", but caution there unless you know precisely what you are disabling or deleting.

This task is above my pay grade, someone else here no doubt can give you better advice. Windows 7 Pro just made it simple for me...but it isn't as thorough as real analysis of "bloatware" and proper elimination or turn-off of same. A genuine IT tech would be better to ask... :(