1) What's this fucking tree in my yard?
Here's a closeup of the leaves, fruit, and bark:
I want to know, because if the fruit is edible, I really hate to waste it. We've lived here for about 10 years, and this tree produces what appear to be tiny apples about 1 to 1.25 inches in diameter. They just fall to the ground and rot. They taste like apples, although I haven't consumed much of it, on the off chance that it's inedible. I wouldn't know til I consumed a bushel of it and fell into a coma. I'm in northwest Ohio, if that helps; but I'm pretty sure this is a non-native largely ornamental tree.
So what is this fucking tree? And what can I do with this fruit?
2) Is there something wrong with my dog's cooter?
(I'll caution you now -- adult themes and disturbing photos follow.)
It's been a while since I had a female dog; or a dog of any kind that was a dog-dog, and not some sort of toy breed or teddy-bear-looking monstrosity. I finally got my beagle about 8 months ago, and Lucy had her first menses last week. This was as traumatic for me as it was for her; worst of all was what can only be described as an enormous, swollen hootenanny:
Caution -- if you're squeamish, you'll want to stop now. A close-up Penthouse-style spread shot follows.
That's just not right. Is it?
I'd call the vet, but I don't know how I'll describe the situation to the young woman that answers the phone at the vet's office. I think saying "My beagle's vulva is pink and swollen" might just be over the line.
It doesn't seem to bother her much. And she's a very wimpy, emotional dog -- any little injury, and she acts like she's being killed. So maybe this is something...normal. Gahhh. Blechhh.
What say you, Comments Home Commenters?
23 comments:
Aw poor little thing, she just needs some good sweet lovin'. Or you could get her spayed.
It's a crab apple tree.
Dog should be fine. Hormones...
Crabapple. See how they taste to you. Some people like to make jelly. Sometimes they're way to sour or bitter to bother.
It looks like a plum tree.
One estrus and the vulva gets big, to make a bigger target probably.
Only puppies spayed before estrus have a small vulva.
I don't want to get her spayed -- I'm hoping to get a litter of puppies out of her, when she's much older; should she happen to meet the right male beagle, and they hit it off.
What can I do with crab apples?
One estrus and the vulva gets big, to make a bigger target probably.
Only puppies spayed before estrus have a small vulva.
I'm not sure I agree with this. When we adopted the Boston Terrorist the stress of going to a new house brought on her first heat. She was spayed once it was over and her vulva's gone back the way it was before.
And you can say that to the girl at the vets office. What they don't usually respond well to is "coochie". Sometimes even "vajayjay" will get you a nasty look or even a sigh and eye roll.
Wait a minute -- rhhardin, are you saying she's going to have that great big swollen poonani for the rest of her life?
Or will the swelling go down?
Cody -- these things aren't bitter at all. In fact, they don't taste like much, other than sweet.
Jelly sounds kind of advanced for me. I was hoping for some sort of tart or pie.
rh -- it's definitely not a plum, it's firm like an apple and white inside.
Cook them down into apple sauce. Don't bother peeling, too small, try to remove seeds, they are full of cyanide. After they are cooked down to a mush, put in a food mill, those old fashioned things with a crank handle, to remove the cooked skins. Eat as applesauce or add a cup or two to a muffin recipe, will give you delicious moist muffins.
You can make apple sauce if you want. If they're sweet off the tree that's a good thing.
Pie? LOL. You have the patience to stand and peel and core all those little apples?
Have at it. Make a drink first. A big one.
(my mother tried that once, minus drink. didn't go well.)
As I recall, it stays bigger than pre-estrus but not as big as during-estrus.
I had one Dobie not spayed until much older.
That's when I started buying maxipads.
Quickly discovered : they also make good bike helmet forehead pads.
Swelling will go down. At least it has in every bitch I've known--and I have a friend that's a dog breeder.
Pasta, you maniac.
I have a beautiful pic of a crab apple tree in my messed up lap top, or I'd post it.
LOL-
Yes, the swelling will go down (I am a vet- insert the standard legal mumbo jumbo exempting me from liability for giving advice over the internet.)
Sometimes they develop vaginitis though so if she is licking or rubbing it, then you will need to have her checked out.
Make sure no males get to her while she is this young.
Be aware that most bitches will go through a hormonal false pregnancy and some show symptoms about two months after estrus- the mammaries may show development and they can display nesting behavior.
Also be aware that once she is done having litter(s), she will be better off spayed before she reaches an advanced age. Otherwise you may end up with an emergency spay for pyometra, which is a life threatening uterine infection.
Now I will have to tell you my funniest story along the lines of the embarrassing genitalia vet visits...when I was a young, single lady vet I had a young male client who called one day to say he was rushing his (male) basset hound over because he'd been stung by a bee.
The front office staff alerted me and when he arrived they put him straight into the exam room. My technician and I went in and asked where the dog had been bitten. They guy had the dog roll over and then just looked at us as to say, "there."
Well, I looked at the dog's underside and saw nothing but a rather excited male dog, with swollen bulbus glandis. I assumed I was missing something so I started searching a bit around the flanks and they guy was like, "No, right there."
Laughter ensued, followed by an explanation, and I told the guy there was no charge only because I knew he was too embarrassed to wait and check out.
Another time I had a similar situation with an older couple who insisted that their dogs testicles had not been completely removed in the neutering operation.
C Stanley -- thanks for this. She does occasionally lick it; I guess I'll have her checked out just in case.
When I call, I'll just say something about vaginitis. That sounds much better than "swollen lady bits".
Well, occasional licking may be normal, I probably should have specified excessive licking. But use your judgment. And don't worry- they have heard much sillier things and particularly if you use terms like vaginitis or vulva, they won't laugh.
Sweet puppy needs to be fixed. Unless you want more puppies.
C Stanley said...
Well, occasional licking may be normal, I probably should have specified excessive licking.
I am sorry but there is no such thing as excessive licking.
Apparently people planted those trees because they have nice blooms. They announce Spring in a big way, a well-shaped tree in fantastic full bloom is shown in plant catalogues and people go, "Ace! I want that." Then they find out the blooms are magnificent, yes, but it lasts only one week two at most, then that whole area of the yard is covered with dead blooms, the flowering attracted bees and the buds developed fruit that attracted squirrels who like to take one bite out of each fruit if they can and the rest are dropped onto the yard year after year, it takes over demanding attention and providing sour miniature fruit, until the new owner goes, "How can I manage or get rid of this pain in the ass tree?"
I meant to say the flowers are nice.
My home growing up had not only a crab-apple tree in our yard but a "Red Haw" also (we had a double lot w. lots of trees.) which I think makes an infinitely better tree of the same nature. (The other trees were eight sugar maples, one tulip tree, one black-walnut, one shag-bark hickory and one persimmon tree..)
This reminds me of Michael Douglas and his bitch.
Chip has a good point. It makes more sense to plant an apple tree that gets real fruit. The flowers are just as pretty.
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