For the past couple of months I have been teasing the wife about going to a concert. You see she bought tickets with her three best girlfriends from when she was a kid to go see an Eighties band. The Psychedelic Furs.
Now this was a big production. Two of the girls were traveling from the bowels of Jersey to Long Island so it was a four hour trip with traffic. We have been talking about it for months. You know where would they eat before because Lisa needs gluten free. Just recently they have been texting about being worried about being crushed in the crowd but I told them not to worry because all of the fans would have walkers that would get in the way. Also they should be sure to bring their Depends to throw up on the stage.
You see the fan base was pretty old. Just not as bad as the band.
So they get all tarted up to go in their best concert going garb. You haven't seen anything until you see four sixty year old women dressed like Madonna. They went off happily on their adventure. I was happy too. I was going to be able to order a regular pizza that was not gluten free and watch a Western. Just like the good old days. In fact I ordered a pizza, a calzone and some mozzarella sticks. Why not go for the hat trick.
The girls get to the venue and go for dinner. The Mexican Restaurant next door was very good and had some really good gluten free options. So they had a few pops and a plate of fajitas and they were primed and ready to go. They walk down the street to the theater and what do they find.
The Fucking Furs had cancelled the concert.
They were freaking out. They proceeded to bitch slapped the people at the venue Old School Brooklyn Style. When Lisa texted me I said that there was only one thing to do. Go to the bar. So they did.
The joint had this speak easy type club that they got comped to and their first drink free. They took over the joint and made the bartender play eighties music and dance. A bunch of thirty year old's joined in and danced and sung all the words. When the girls asked how they knew it they said that it was their Mom's favorite music. They had to hold Lisa back from slapping the shit out of them.
Meanwhile back at the ranch I was eating my pizza extravaganza. You know what? I had been talking about this for months and it wasn't really that good. I mean the calzone was subpar and the pizza nothing to write home about. It just wasn't The House of Pizza or Spumoni Gardens quality. So I sat home and listed to the lonely saxophone while the girls drank and cavorted.
Everybody got home safe although they had nasty hangovers. I had the shits from the pizza. But at least we weren't like the Furs.
Some bands are tragically hip.
Some bands are tragically broken hip.
So they have to cancel a long anticipated concert.
The fuckers.
2 comments:
A few weeks ago my bride, who has serious leg problems, went to see the Stones in a wheelchair. I took her and a friend and bullshitted a cop into letting me drop them off @ the VIP entrance. They were supposed to Uber it home but the cheap bastards didn't want to pay the $300 fare so they woke me up! Fuck, I would have paid it to not have to get up @ midnight and drive into Minneapolis. I went w/ my bride to see the Stones in 1994 @ UW Camp Randall Stadium. They were good but Lenny Kravitz who opened for them was better.
The Blonde got a swollen lip and gums from something at her sorority Thanksgiving. She thinks it might have been a pecan pie that may have had some booze in it.
So I sympathize.
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