This is similar to something that happened decades ago.
*waves arms* doodly-doodly doodly-do *time swirl*
We go back, decade, decade, decade, decade, woosh, we're here.
The bars closed. It's dark. Nobody is around except two huge hairy-chested linebacker dudes with dark tans and gold chains and hairy ape arms both wearing colorful Hawaiian style shirts of deplorable regrettable designs, and two women in light summer dresses, each very much older than me. They're changing a tire.
What a bummer!
This was well before cellphones. They were basically phucked.
They're all stuck. They're all standing around perplexed and discussing their situation. They were stopped short from proceeding because a lug nut was stuck firmly inside their crowbar and they couldn't get it out. They had no tool that could dig the lug nut out of the crowbar. They were using their fingers trying to dig it out. They could not go any further. This was their discussion as I approached them. They told me their woe.
This is the thing about alcohol. It clouds judgement and analytical ability.
Believe it or not, I'm rather good at this sort of thing.
On account of having a mechanically-minded father who loved automobiles and two mechanically-minded brothers. I watched them do things. And I did learn a lot by osmosis. Resistance was futile, I learned things against my own will.
[Righty-tighty, lefty-loosy, but reversed for automobiles so the wheels don't unscrew themselves.]
Why do they need a tool for digging out a lug nut when they have the wheel's five bolts sticking out? Use the wheel's bolts as the tool needed to hold the nut securely. That's it does, after all.
That is, go backwards half a step.
Pretend you're going to screw on the nut on permanently but then halfway yank it out of the crowbar .
I go, "Gimme that. Observe." I use the crowbar to screw the lug nut back onto it's place. This appears odd, but I need something that can hold the lug nut more securely than a human finger. Halfway will do. Use the entire car to hold the lug nut so I can use force to pull off the crowbar. Use the car's finger, not mine. Reverse action from the usual crowbar/lug nut operation.
Now the lug nut is on the axil held there securely but not so tightly that it cannot be unscrewed by hand. Ta-daaah. lug nut and crowbar separated. The four men and women actually clapped. At 2:45 in the morning.
And I'm all, get me, I'm actually better at this crap than four other regular people. That's very unusual to find together four older adults each dumber than I am about automobile mechanics.
You're gonna have to learn to change your oil. You're gonna have to learn to fix your radiator. You're gonna have to learn to change your fan belt You're gonna have to learn to repair your windshield You're gonna have to learn to change your alternator. You're gonna have to learn to use this timing light. You're gonna have to learn to change your spark plugs. You're gonna have to learn to replace your water hose You're gonna have to learn to repair your fuel line You're gonna have to learn to pop your pistons and lift your lifters and choke your tailpipe and cork your gaskets, stuff your muffler, replace your windshield wipers, spiff up your whitewalls, wax your turtle shield, fuss with your fuses.
You gotta learn this, Boy, or else you're gonna hafta pay somebody else to do it.
"And what's so bad about paying someone else to do all this crap?"
"It's EXENSIVE, Boy, and you don't have to pay it. You can do it yourself."
I was 38 years old and my dad asked me, "What are you doing today?"
I said, "I'm going to Grease Monkey to have my oil changed."
He looked at me like I just arrived from another planet.
The idea of paying someone to do that ridiculous job of disposing of dirty oil was 100% alien to him.
He goes, "Can I come along?"
We went out together and he had so much fun at the shop talking to the mechanics that he paid for my oil change.
I pour my waste oil on the stumps of trees I have cut down then set them on fire. Burns out the stump, eventually, the smoke falls as acid rain in Sweden. Win/win!
10 comments:
Look forward to hearing it Troops.
BTW. the Yankees still suck!
This is similar to something that happened decades ago.
*waves arms* doodly-doodly doodly-do *time swirl*
We go back, decade, decade, decade, decade, woosh, we're here.
The bars closed. It's dark. Nobody is around except two huge hairy-chested linebacker dudes with dark tans and gold chains and hairy ape arms both wearing colorful Hawaiian style shirts of deplorable regrettable designs, and two women in light summer dresses, each very much older than me. They're changing a tire.
What a bummer!
This was well before cellphones. They were basically phucked.
They're all stuck. They're all standing around perplexed and discussing their situation. They were stopped short from proceeding because a lug nut was stuck firmly inside their crowbar and they couldn't get it out. They had no tool that could dig the lug nut out of the crowbar. They were using their fingers trying to dig it out. They could not go any further. This was their discussion as I approached them. They told me their woe.
This is the thing about alcohol. It clouds judgement and analytical ability.
Believe it or not, I'm rather good at this sort of thing.
On account of having a mechanically-minded father who loved automobiles and two mechanically-minded brothers. I watched them do things. And I did learn a lot by osmosis. Resistance was futile, I learned things against my own will.
[Righty-tighty, lefty-loosy, but reversed for automobiles so the wheels don't unscrew themselves.]
Why do they need a tool for digging out a lug nut when they have the wheel's five bolts sticking out? Use the wheel's bolts as the tool needed to hold the nut securely. That's it does, after all.
That is, go backwards half a step.
Pretend you're going to screw on the nut on permanently but then halfway yank it out of the crowbar .
I go, "Gimme that. Observe." I use the crowbar to screw the lug nut back onto it's place. This appears odd, but I need something that can hold the lug nut more securely than a human finger. Halfway will do. Use the entire car to hold the lug nut so I can use force to pull off the crowbar. Use the car's finger, not mine. Reverse action from the usual crowbar/lug nut operation.
Now the lug nut is on the axil held there securely but not so tightly that it cannot be unscrewed by hand. Ta-daaah. lug nut and crowbar separated. The four men and women actually clapped. At 2:45 in the morning.
And I'm all, get me, I'm actually better at this crap than four other regular people. That's very unusual to find together four older adults each dumber than I am about automobile mechanics.
You're gonna have to learn to change your oil.
You're gonna have to learn to fix your radiator.
You're gonna have to learn to change your fan belt
You're gonna have to learn to repair your windshield
You're gonna have to learn to change your alternator.
You're gonna have to learn to use this timing light.
You're gonna have to learn to change your spark plugs.
You're gonna have to learn to replace your water hose
You're gonna have to learn to repair your fuel line
You're gonna have to learn to pop your pistons and lift your lifters and choke your tailpipe and cork your gaskets, stuff your muffler, replace your windshield wipers, spiff up your whitewalls, wax your turtle shield, fuss with your fuses.
You gotta learn this, Boy, or else you're gonna hafta pay somebody else to do it.
"And what's so bad about paying someone else to do all this crap?"
"It's EXENSIVE, Boy, and you don't have to pay it. You can do it yourself."
I was 38 years old and my dad asked me, "What are you doing today?"
I said, "I'm going to Grease Monkey to have my oil changed."
He looked at me like I just arrived from another planet.
The idea of paying someone to do that ridiculous job of disposing of dirty oil was 100% alien to him.
He goes, "Can I come along?"
We went out together and he had so much fun at the shop talking to the mechanics that he paid for my oil change.
Given the restrictions on disposing of oil, paying for that oil change makes all the sense in the world.
Glad you got time to spend with your Dad. While you can't go home again on old school self done oil changes, you can spend time together.
I pour my waste oil on the stumps of trees I have cut down then set them on fire. Burns out the stump, eventually, the smoke falls as acid rain in Sweden. Win/win!
How To Unstuck The Stuck
Ya gots ta stay calm stead a gettin' all discombobulated;
Lose yo haid an' woe is me all yo life ta fail you be fated.
WTF is a nutribullit?
Sixty, you do know you can get people to change your oil fairly reasonably priced?
nutribullit is blender in a cup. It disguises the vegetables by emulsifying them together.
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